Always Respect your Mother?

Question

I don't agree with this, the fact is that women can be guilty of every lack of humanity that men can, therefore women can be cruel and hateful too, evil women are not born infertile, consequently some children are born to monsters, I ask this question because I really want to hear a good reason why people should.

Paul Y it's never too late to change things, they say you only regret the things you didn't do, not the things you did. To the others, so sad, wish I could give you all a big warm maternal hug.

Answer 1

I started respecting my mother when I went away to lodge in a hostel in 1970 and then for job in 1973. However, I would not miss her that much as in my adolescent life as I would find my other colleagues in service life would do.

The main reason was that back in 50s and 60s our parents were taught the British disciplining mantra "spare the rod and spoil the child" which my parents would make use of as and when we would deviate from their set standards.

Btw, my father was in defence service under the British management and saw the changeover to US management and use to criticize the later for being too ‘casual’ and friendly without maintaining their respect for the hierarchy!

I remember now that I was the only 'rebel' among the siblings who would dare to say to mom like "I would never look after you when you grow old as you have unjustly beaten me..." or something like that when I was barely 10 years old. I regret now at this age for being so rude with mom and I am sure that back then she would not take my ‘threats’ at it face value (lol).

Now coming to the other parent (father) who was also ruthless when he would be angry, I would vote for mom to be better parent.

When both of them are very old and frail now and we all are having our own children, what we found that we are a bit too 'kind' and 'friendly' with our kids, just may be to compensate our loss of these two basic desires we longed and our parents would keep us at arms length, lest we become undisciplined (lol).

I like to see the present days children getting attention and love (also chance to snuggle) and such niceties from their moms those we missed in our childhood. To me world is now a better place to live for the children only on this count alone!

Answer 2

My general rule is that all people should respect all other people unless someone does something that truly makes them someone who is unworthy of respect.

There are, however, times when even the least respectable of mothers don't realize or can't control what they do; and sometimes (not always) it makes more sense to at least behave as if one respects that mother (even if that person secretly cannot respect her) because a civil and mutually respectful relationship with a not-so-great mother is sometimes better than no relationship at all. (Again, SOMETIMES - in some circumstances)

I guess I think it depends on whether a mother is ignorant or has mental health problems, whether she has outgrown the awful behavior once she wasn't raising young children, whether she has any remorse, whether she has a wish for forgiveness or a relationship with an estranged child, etc. It depends, too, on whether a civil relationship would benefit the grown child or grand children in any way.

I suppose I think if a grown child has analyzed the whole situation, tried to figure out what the reasons for the mother's behavior were (even if there are no excuses for it), and has come around to thinking that an iffy relationship is better than none; then the first step is to behave as if one respects the mother. No relationship can be built or repaired or maintained without respect.

In some cases, too, there's just something beneficial for the person who has been mistreated to be the better person.

If, though, after all the trying to understand and analyze what went on, a grown child just sees his/her mother as being nothing but a monster - then, no, no respect required. There are also those times when a mother just does not deserve respect - end of story.

Answer 3

My family was very dysfunctional and I know that breaking the chain reaction is possible. I grew up in a society that taught children to respect their elders irrespective - just because was the reason given whenever I sought to understand what and why respect is a good thing - there was not much of it around me. At the age of 9 I ran away to stay with my gran and during a conversation respect became the topic - my parents wanted me back home and gran said I should respect their wishes. I was livid and ranted for a while. Gran said that children are taught to respect their elders as they grow up because they are not yet mature enough to understand the complexities of attitude and behaviour. You seem to understand what deserves respect and what does not she said, now you must learn how not to become what you dislike. Her advise was for me to make the harder choice of refusing to entertain or indulge in disrespectful behaviour by choosing to walk away other than give disrespect an audience. Eventually I went back home with my parents understanding my reasoning a little better. Although their own behaviour didn't change much, they were more careful around me because they knew I was nobody's fool. As we get older we mature and gain independent understanding of what respect is and then we can make informed choices. If a person is disrespectful, they deserve pity because before they disrespected you they disrespected themselves. Never stoop to their level or try to explain their behaviour. My gran always said empty drums make the loudest noise. Parents are old enough to understand the consequences of their actions and being worthy of respect encompasses more than simply giving birth. A fruit never falls far from the tree but the seed is capable of producing better fruit with determination and care.

Answer 4

This is about my mother and you hit the nail on the head.
My mother was always trying to do the best for her children but Now i know that her methods were not right. Yes, she could be evil minded, petty, and ignorant on a lot of topics but I do not believe she was aware of this shortcoming. I now know that I should have not listened to her for as long as I did but my father was very weak and followed her along because he would do about anything to appease her. I lived in a world of mean and hate fullness but at the time I thought it was normal. I became a selfish, disloyal, backstabbing, lazy, prognostic, and manipulative man. But saying that I did get a good education and spent four years in the USAF and always made a good living and now i am retired with a women that is almost like my mother but she cooks better. lol..but as the saying goes "men end up marrying their mothers??" It could be true..i seen it happen in my life..but even if I am a wimp and have no self confidence and low self esteem i do still love my mother and I call my wife MA...so I guess I am my mothers son..for better or worse..Just like Norman Bates in the Hitchcock movie Psycho..or Mommies Dearest ..end of story...by the by my mother came down with Oldtimers Disease.. AD and forgot everything she did as an adult...she just slipped away...i think this is natures way of letting us off the hook

Answer 5

I do not agree either. My mother has emotionally, mentally and verbally abused me my entire life and I kept going back for more just because she was my mother. Then I came to the conclusion that she may be a mother but there is no way in hell she is acting like one. She is toxic to me and every therapist I went too advised me to stop seeing her because I didn't need anymore damage.

Answer 6

No one should be respected just because of who they are. Everyone has to earn respect. However everyone deserves a level of respect that constitutes basic human dignity no matter who they are or what they've done. Mothers are the same as everyone else.

Answer 7

"Respect your parents" is probably what you are thinking of - but men and women can both be horrendous parents. I think you should respect the fact that they gave you life, but if their behavior is abusive, then you have a greater obligation to keep yourself safe.

Answer 8

Your exactly right! My friends mother is manipulative and scheming and all those other nasty things and treats my friend like crap( calls her fat in front of people.etc..) and my friend still goes back for more.

Thankfuly i have an awsome mother who I love and who I know loves me! Now my father on the other hand...

Answer 9

Well the fact that she carried you for nine months is probably good reason. She could have aborted you, you know.