My Fiancee and i have been together 10 years now. We have 3 kids together, now all of a sudden he has started to pick fight with me for no reson what so ever. We live in a small island miles away from any family. It all started when his brother moved in with us 6 months ago, his brother moved in with us to start a new job. Then about a month ago he (my brother in law) went mad we had to section him under the mental health act, but now he has moved back home with his parents ( he has also been sectioned again) My fiancee thinks it is my faut as i kicked him out our house for unresonable behavor. We have sorted through that part of it he now knows he was just ooking for some one to blame for his brothers mental health problems. But now he keeps on snapping, moaning, ands picking fights with me. He woulnt even talk to me any more i just get blunt awnsers when i talk to him. Please please can some one help me with this as i ove him so much.
2007-02-13 23:25:12 · 7 answers · asked by lynne p 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It doesn't sound like this is about falling in or out of love, or even loving, or no longer loving. It sounds more like a long avoided problem your boyfriend now has to face and you had "something" to do with it...I know you said the two of you argued and made up over the brother's situation, but I don't think you overtly addressed how your boyfriend feels about his own role in his family, and their part in who he is. If you see what I am trying to say lol.
If that sounds like it might ring true, then you need to be alert but patient with him. Mental illness in a family is a huge strain on everyone. It's possible that your boyfriend has managed all along to remove himself from that reality and now he can no longer. He has to reconcile that his brother's mental illness is a part of who he is, without being consumed by it. Perhaps his parents have always "handled it", but now he is thinking about what his responsibilities are going to be once they are gone. With many manifestations of mental illness, it appeals to our rational mind that we can somehow talk them out of their delusions. And there is probably the fear of his biological chance of having mental illness lying dormant within, and passing mental illness to this children.
If that seems it might be the case, I think you just need to let him wrestle with it and just try to be patient and understanding and reassuring for him.
I can't close, though, without saying that 10 years is a very long time to call someone your fiance. That might be your next issue ...?
Best wishes to all of you.
2007-02-13 23:58:03 · answer #1 · answered by and_y_knot 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well ya know mental conditions are genetic so maybe he is going through something as well. If after 10 years of being together you guys caint talk about whatevers I would say there is definitely something wrong but you can not get him to do anything he is unwilling to do. He either wants to be with you and show you love and respect or he doesnt. If he wont act right ...bounce his asss to go be with his brother.
2007-02-14 07:29:58 · answer #2 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kick him out!!! He needs to realize that you aren't the source of his and his family's problems. You have 3 kids together and you need to protect them and you saw his brother as a threat to them at the time.
After some time away he will realize that he needs to be with you and his kids.
2007-02-14 07:30:20 · answer #3 · answered by Jo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
help his brother settle in a 1 room or 2 rooms flat.
visit his brother with your fiancee every now and then when possible.
ask some of your friends and your fiancee friends to visit his brother for a small gathering in his brother's house.
bring some neccessities for his brother when you and your fiancee visit his brother.
understand no one is perfect.
mercury of love
2007-02-14 07:40:44 · answer #4 · answered by mercury of love 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he still holds this against u, and u need to seek some counseling and try to get past it. he is blaming u for it and once a person gets stuck thinking a certain thing, it is often hard to change them.
2007-02-14 07:29:06 · answer #5 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think u should jus give him some space for a while,he jus needs time to himself.only if he has someone new in his life,and i trying to break it off with u.but i say give him a break.u trying so hard to talk to him will only push further away.
2007-02-14 07:30:56 · answer #6 · answered by hott g 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is being pretty selfish... i think maybe you need to think about this relationship and see if he will go to therapy
2007-02-14 07:28:49 · answer #7 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋