Am I being unreasonable?

Question

My girlfriend of 10 years wants to donate an egg cell to her gay male friend who's obsessed with having a child because his mother died. (He wants to replace her. There are serious psychological issues there.)
I'm totally against this for various reasons.
1) It's SIX MONTHS of hormone treatment. SIX MONTHS living with her being constantly premenstrual.
2) Her egg isn't going to an anonymous recipient. It's going to a psychological basket case who doesn't think of anybody but himself. (He doesn't even care that his partner of 6 years doesn't want children!) So when he gets bored of the kid, he's going to try and hand it back! And he GETS bored...
3) That kid is going to be part of her - no matter what kind of legal contracts they draw up. If my girl dies (god forbid) - I'm gonna want that kid that's her offspring.

There's more to it too, but I'm going to run out of space.

Bottom line: Am I being unreasonable in not wanting this to happen?

She's not going to CARRY the child - just donate an egg.
And the guy in question doesn't believe that he needs professional help - so getting him to a psychologist isn't an option. Unfortunately.

Answer 1

No. It sounds to me that you are the only one looking at this intelligently.

Answer 2

Im not sure about what the regulations are where you live, but here in Australia, anyone wanting to something like that, needs to undergo through phychological testing before anything happens, and that is all parties that are involved.

You arent being unreasonable, if anything it sounds like your the only one in this situation being realistic, but if she doesnt want to change her mind, no one can force her to do so.

This is a huge step to take, not just physicaly, but emotionaly and phychologicaly.
Maybe she might benefit from contacting other women who have done this.

I think your doing the right thing, because its no longer just about her and the guy, but you are bringing an innocent child into it, and if its going to suffer in any way, thats not fair.

Answer 3

I think, if only for the part you said where the recipient only thinks of himself and would get bored enough to hand it back without a saecond thought is enough to justify what you saying. Personally, I do not know why your friend would even think of going through the process with a recipient like that, and find someone who has more of a moral ground on the matter.

Answer 4

It's hard to say for sure without being closely involved in the situation, but I think that all four of you would be helped by seeing a counselor TOGETHER before making a clear decision either way on this issue. This would allow all four of you to air your concerns, as well as your goals and aspirations in all of this.

It's a big decision, and anyone unwilling to discuss it in a setting with ALL FOUR of the parties involved probably isn't as interested in the outcome as they should be.

*edit* -- Just for clarification, I'm not suggesting psychological therapy. I'm suggesting group counseling, which is entirely different. Surely everyone involved would agree that this decision is important enough to meet together and discuss everyone's thoughts, regardless of whether they're for or against the idea. Otherwise, I think their unwillingness to participate speaks volumes about how important the welfare of the child really is to them.

Answer 5

Admit it, there's a little subjectivity in what you've written and how you FEEL about this. That is unreasonable (although understandable).

Having said that, you have raised some points that seem to have an objective basis and these concerns need to be addressed. No ultimatums, no shouting - address your concerns with her, with him and his bf.

No child deserves to be born into any more uncertainty than the chaos of this world presents all of us.

While you are impacted by her decision though - it IS her body, her decision.

Answer 6

No I don't think you are.....but my suggestion (for what it's worth) would be to go with your girlfriend to a Psychologist and talk it through with a Professional...and thereafter your girlfriend and her gay friend should visit the same Psychologist to discuss and resolve the main issues before your girlfriend takes the next step...hope this helps...good luck and take care :)
P.S. If the Professional route won't work...why not phone into Doctor Dee on 702...just a thought

Answer 7

You, shud be ur gf's top concern. u dont need a logical reasn, u dont even need a reason, if ur uncomfortable about it, then she shud be considerate of ur feelings. people who love u dont do things they know hurt u.
the gay male friend who wants the child is not being considerate of his partner... hes willing to do something he knows will hurt his partner in order to get whut he wants, that doesnt sound like a person who is ready to be a parent to me. u shud tell her how u feel, be open and unacusing about it, and hopefully it will werk out all right ♥ gud luck

Answer 8

i think you have some good reasons to show alot of concern.has she really thought this through properly?.after giving birth she may find it difficult to give the baby to him as she may develop strong feelings for the baby while carrying it.It seems like the child will be growing up in a unstable family relationship.

Answer 9

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. It sounds to me like you have really thought out all the consequences to this little endeavor, and they don't sound pretty. If you haven't already, you should definitely tell her how you feel. Good luck, I hope it works out for you.

Answer 10

I think that this does have a lot to do with you and that she should respect your feelings and listen to your concerns. If she really loves you she should take it into consideration.