Do you think a child that witnessed abuse during their infantcy has any hope of growingup normal?

Question

My mom was married to a man who beat her in front of my little brother from age 0-2 (she left him after that) There was also a lot of verbal and emotional abuse. I was already 8 years old by that time, and had a loving upbringing by my mom and grandparents. But my poor little brother! They thought he had extreme colic for 15 months until they finally did some other tests and determined that he was basically traumatized from such a violent environment.

He is now 13, and has struggled his whole life with anger issues and such. Our step father is wonderful, and he and my mom have tried so hard to give him a calm loving environment. Alas, my brother still has some issues, even though he cant even remember the abuse conciously. I'm wondering if there is anyone out there who grew up in an abusive home, especially during infantcy, who managed to grow into a well-adjusted and loving adult, perhaps even a loving parent. I would appreciate any advice & personal experiences. Thanks

Also, the anger problems have not started just now that he is a teen. It has been his whole life, and is actually better now than it was before. As a child he was so unstable he would go up to his room and break all of his own stuff. He would lash out at me and physically try to hurt me, and he would say things that were so horrible, scary, and hurtful it was hard to believe an adult could think such things, let alone a gradeschooler.

Answer 1

if he gets counseling treatment, he should be ok, without that, you never know.

Answer 2

Abuse in any form, affects every child differently. Some become violent, and some become very withdrawn or promiscuous or just never satisfied with what they accomplish. When when they become adults, they can become bitter or a better person. But as adults, its not what happens to us, its what we do about it. Yeah our parents are responsible for a safe, stable environment for us. But once we grow up, we can't blame them for everything. We must gather what we experienced, and help others by giving them hope and start our life over again. We are only young for a short time, and were old most of our lives. Regardless all the counseling, he may need to be in counseling for life, or on meds. Each case is different. But don't treat him especially "special", you will then cripple him. Take him out, help him find a hobby, buy him some music. But remember, he is only 13, he is just starting his teenage years of rebel. So, I would say this may not be all the abuse manifesting, its also change of hormones as well. Well..good luck!

Answer 3

Hmm.. I personally never experienced anything that dramatic at such a young age.. but I'm sure almost all of us in our growing up years are all exposed to some sort of environment that we do wish to be in. Just take a look around you.. whether it be on TV on within ur own house hold..and or ur community for that matter. This is by no mean a perfect world we are living in.

The point i am trying to make is simple; yes he got a rough start and all anyone can do for him now is NOT repeat the past. Surround him with good, happy ppl and enroll him in some sort of hobby ie.. sports or better yet.. martial arts. The point is.. keep him busy so he doesnt have time to think about the past.. 'cause once u're bored and lonely and tend to think alot.

Remember that and good luck!

Answer 4

My sister, brother, and I were abused physically and verbally by our mom. We love her, but we all three of us have problems to this day, and we are older than 40 years of age. My sister try to deal with hers by blocking out things and cannot remember a lot of what happened. My brother, and I have disassociation personality disorder, and we both have jobs that enable us to work the largest part of the day alone where we are not around any people. I have had to deal with a narcissistic personality disorder besides the other problem I have. My brother and sister are a lot more calm than I, but it was because I was the oldest and was always fighting my mom back trying to defend my brother and sister. I do not know that we will ever be 100% okay, but we are living a good life and try to be the best people that we can. We have tried not to let this affect the other people in our lives. It has been very hard for me since I was the oldest.

Answer 5

Yes i have. My parents were divorced when i was in 3rd grade. About 8 years old i think? While they were still together, they always argued. day and night, non-stopp. I dont know why but it hurt me a lot to see that. I always wondered to myself, why me , why me. I sometimes envy other people. One time, my dad took a knife and put it in front of my mom,i cried and pleaded to him to stop and he did. My parents slept in different rooms. Honestly, to tell you the truth, as long as i remembered, they only slept in the same bed once, and after that, my dad slept in seperate rooms. I now live with my mom in connecticut because i moved from Newyork and my dad lives there. Honestly to tell you the truth, growing up in such a violent Enviorment,I would sometimes feel sad, alone, and angry. Not much, because im mostly happy and cheerful. Don't worry, your brother will be fine. Maybe you should tell his school counseler to talk to him about his issues or take anger management class. Im sure he will be fine. Have a happy valentine :)

Answer 6

HI,
I never personally had this happen to me but my best friend (now of 15 years) this did happen to him, He ended up going and talking to psychologists, and a few therapists and they actually made him realize why he had this anger and upset inside of him.. I was friends with him when he was having these problems and i remember what a hard time he had but i stood by him, Through thick and thin..

To this day he cant thank me enough, because he says i helped him the most just being there to talk to.. Maybe if your brother had a real close friend to talk to and listen.. It would help, but i would say he needs to talk to someone that can help him bring all of this out.. He needs to realize what happened, even if it was when he was a baby.. They told my friend that your childhood can affect your whole life.. That is hard so maybe he should see someone.. Maybe talk to your mom about that..

Hope this helps.. And i will pray for him, Im sure he will get back to himself..

Good luck to both of you
Debbie

Answer 7

Sadlt I have no answers, but I share your concern. While my oldest son was a mere infant my wife and I were going through some tough times. We were not physically violent, but we did argue a lot. I have worried ever since that maybe I have unwhittingly traumatized my boy. He seems normal, but he could be faking it. I worry. All I can say is just keep on loving your baby brother. Enough love has a way to solve a lot of problems.

Answer 8

Your brother should seek help from a professional counsellor, He should firstly speak with his GP or even try calling child line. Your brother has done nothing wrong he was little and helpless, and still is to an extent - his lashing out to you is his defense for all of his hurt emotions, He is very traumatised but with professional help he can get well and understand he is a lovely person who can grow into a loving stable adult. Wish him luck from me

Answer 9

There are pedophiles everywhere they think of they'd earnings unsupervised get right of entry to to, and impression over, infants---- which contain the witness congregations. while i became turning out to be up as a witness, i became conscious they have been around masquerading as christians. A congregation i became in as a young person had one that sat on the front row each assembly along with his spouse, yet he became following little boys into the bathing room and molesting them there interior the dominion corridor!. Years later they in comparison notes, and commenced a classification action lawsuit against him, and the WTB&TS. of path, he flatly denied each thing and the witnesses had to handle him on the corridor purely like all people else simply by fact no longer something became shown against him, in a courtroom or in the judicial equipment latest in the congregation. I actual have some theories approximately why such a miscarriage of justice would take place, yet i will save them to myself.

Answer 10

I've been in love with women who were abused as children, and ended up leaving because they didn't feel they deserved a decent guy like me
being in a good relationship was something they could not handle
many will run for the rest of their lives from the demons

Answer 11

Hi my mum tried hard to keep me and my brother safe but there are some things that do get through. I put my self through 8 months of counselling to fix myself and it really helped. Your brother is to young yet to go through counselling but hopefully in a few years he will be ready to look at himself. My brother is 17 and also has issues with his dad but he is still to immature yet. Just be supportive of him and tell him when you think he is making mistakes. Hopefully one day he will sort himself out. Try to be as straight forward with him as possible, tell him what you think and that you will always be there for him. I still have some issues but have worked through alot of it. The only way peolpe dont grow up properly is when they always tell themselves there is nothing wrong with them and they stay ignorant for most of their lives. Be patiant hes still young.