will you please critique my thesis statement?

Question

The Outsourcing of jobs to foreign countries will continue to foster a growing socioeconomic divide that will either usher some up into the lower echelon of the elite or down into the top level of an unskilled labor force, all individuals should make an informed choice concerning education and their career to avoid becoming part of a resulting “peasant” class.

Answer 1

You have misused the comma in the middle by using it to separate two complete independent sentences -- that's called a comma splice. Also, try deleting every other word; there are too many of them.

Answer 2

Your question assumes there are two strata of society. I assume you think the lower strata will become the workers in the service economy, and that the upper strata is the executive and managerial class. I believe this is an overly simplistic view of the economy. There will be some economic dislocation as some lower skilled workers' jobs are shifted to other countries, but I do not believe that a strong division of the labor force will occur in our lifetimes.

First of all, there is a continuum of jobs within the service economy. Examples of this continuum are maids at the low end to mechanics and plumbers in the middle to doctors at the high end of the spectrum. All of these professions will continue to be necessary, especially where the necessity of being in the same location makes outsourcing difficult. While some of these tasks can be outsourced (there are radiologists in India reading X-rays for U.S. patients) many of these positions will continue to be in the U.S.

Secondly, there are some manufacturing jobs that will not be able to be outsourced, due to either the high skill nature of their work or due to the knowledge component involved. It is more difficult to transfer knowledge and critical thinking skills than to repetitive manufacturing processes. Companies are unwilling to move their critical knowledge to nations that do not protect intellectual property. Companies may also be unwilling to give up the control that comes with being in the same place as their operations. Manufacturers in Asia may lose at least a day of production when decisions are required from U.S. management.

Also, the same shift in jobs that occurs in manufacturing will occur in managerial roles as more of company's operations go overseas. Eventually it will make no sense to continue to support managers in the U.S. when all of the company's operations are overseas, and most of their customers are as well.

In the end, I believe some combination of these effects will shape the future U.S. economy. We will lose manufacturing jobs, we will use our competitive advantages to direct our work force towards higher skilled positions, and our managers will have to continue to improve their abilities in order to compete. So I do not believe a gaping divide will grow within the majority of the population, although the extremes of wealth and poverty will tend to grow farther from the mean.

Answer 3

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