What do you do when you accidently get pregnant and your boyfriend of 3 years says you cant keep it?

Question

We have been in a monogamous relationship for a little over 3 years and he already has 1 child who is 6 years old. This would be our second time dealing with an unplanned pregnancy, the first time ended in an abortion. This time I cant bring myself to go through that agian and his opinion is "please dont have the baby". He has been begging me to have an abortion & continues to tell me that it's not the right time, we dont have a foundation, and most of all he just simply doesnt want anymore kids.
Is this right, what advice can a mother or 'mother to-be' give, or someone who has been through something similar?

Answer 1

I would think about what you want, this baby is half you and half him and it is YOUR decision. Don't let him pressure. You need to do whats right for you and your unborn baby. If he/you didn't want a baby you should have used condoms. Think about it. You take the life of the baby and you will deal with the guilt all of your life.

Answer 2

I don't really know what effect Chrohn's will have on pregnancy but your doctor seems to think it will be okay, so.... As for what to do about your boyfriend, who left you when you didn't want to get an abortion?? If he would leave you when things are at this point, he's a jerk and you don't need him. Do you really believe if you gave in and had an abortion even though you don't want to do it, that he would stay with you and later give you a "replacement" child???!!!! He is immature and uncaring. Maybe this is not the best time or the best conditions to have a child, but if you love this child, it will be okay. It's not easy raising a child alone, but better than raising a child with someone who wanted to abort that child. You can't make him be involved with the child, but he will have to pay child support. If he chooses to not be a father to his child, it is his loss. You want the baby, you keep the baby and chuck the unfeeling boyfriend. You can do it. Love that child--it's hard work to raise a child, but there is nothing, and I mean nothing, better.

Answer 3

Hi, I know what you are going through, and let me start by saying:
This is YOUR choice. It is great to take what he wants into consideration, and you seem like the kind of girlfriend that anyone would be lucky to have. Whether it is the right time, or not, it's here. Youve already made the difficult decision to have an abortion before, Im assuming also at his request. You know how hard of a choice that is. So do I. Im sorry you had to go thru that, and Im even more sorry that your boyfriend thinks it's a quick fix- you and I both know it's not. My one question I would want to ask him, is why doesnt he want you to be able to experience the joy of having a child? Does it have more to do with not being very serious about you, and being afraid of having to pay child support in the future? (sorry to be so blunt) or is afraid that he'll not be able to love another child as much as the one he already has? (this seems to be a common concern among fathers) You cant just accept the financial excuse; if you could, you wouldn't be asking the question. It sounds like you really want to do what's right, and that is admirable. But the one question you need to ask yourself, is do YOU want your baby? If you arent sure, then give yourself some time. The choice you have in front of you has no right or easy answer. On the one hand, having experienced both, I can give you this: You have 3 choices. Abortion; the "easy" way out. You never really have to acknowledge that you made a mistake, you never have to go through pregnancy, and you dont ever get to hold your child. But you'll never forget what you did, and you'll always wonder what could have been.You might feel relieved-and move on fine. But on the other hand, you might always regret it. Even if it was easy last time, that doesn't mean it will be again. From my experience, that made it harder. So hard, that I considered option 2; Adoption. This is definetly the hardest choice. It is also the the unselfish one. Because you are going to carry this child for 9 months, and then give him/her to people that you chose, The pro is this child has a shot. He/she gets to grow up, and experience life. Personally, Im not biased, but I do think everyone deserves the chance to live, once they are brought into existance. Now, even though I opted this, I did not follow thru. A week before I had my youngest daughter, I decided I wanted her, and that I didn't care about the financial hardship, it would be worth it to keep her. So, that brings me to #3; Keep your baby. This is the one you want to hear about. That should tell you something. Youve been with him for 3 years. Obviousely having his baby isnt the worst thing that could happen, right? But from abortion #2, that's why I did it. And I wish I wouldn't have let someone else decide for me whether or not I was going to keep MY child. If he doesn't want to be a part of it, then that is his choice. But you guys have been down this road before, and he is not being fair. Honey, do what YOU want to do, cuz your the one who is going to have to live with it. Whether he's around or not. And by the way, CONGRATULATIONS! Look, you can ponder on this for months,sway back and forth, and once the hormones kick in, you can really get yourself worked up. Just be honest with yourself. There is no wrong answer. If you want to keep your baby, that's not wrong. If you want to have an abortion, then be at peace with it. But it doesnt sound like that's what you want. It sounds like you want to be happy, but your man isn't, so you dont feel like you can be happy either. Look, tell someone who can be a support system for you. Someone besides him. You dont deserve to have to go through this, without any female help. Men cant ever know what you are experiencing. Plus, alot of guys arent happy at first, but then when it becomes real, they are overjoyed, and so thankfull that you didnt listen to them. We are the ones with intuition. Trust yourself. Good luck, I'll be praying for you. You'll do the right thing for all 3 of you!

Answer 4

The first time I got pregnant, I had just turned 16 and had been with my boyfriend for about 2.5 years. He begged and begged me to get an abortion, then even threatened me a few times. I couldn't do it though. We didn't last, of course, but now I have the most wonderful 3 year old ever. I would do it over and over again, my son brings more joy into my life than his father ever did.

If you don't want a baby either at this point, consider adoption. You may not be ready for a baby but there is someone out there who is. Talk that over with him.

Good luck! And if you need someone to talk to, you're more than welcome to email me.

Answer 5

Nelly,
Only you yourself can make this decision.. It seems to me that you made the wrong decision the first time with the abortion and all... If you want this baby then have it... Let me just tell you this.. I am a mother with 2 girls and please pass this bit of info to your selfish boyfriend.. It doesn't matter how long you save or plan your life YOU WILL NEVER BE FINANCIALLY STABLE EVER... I don't know why guys always use this line.. It's so old... Stand up for yourself ... If you have a network of family and friends that will stand behind you and support you I say have this baby and abort your boyfriend.......Good Luck

Answer 6

if you truly want this child then you are going to have to be strong enough to stand up and say so. if he doesnt want children at all you will have to choose between the child growing inside you and him. it can not be easy for you having to go through this yet again. and if he doesnt want children at all then why on earth doesnt he stand up, be a man and have a vasectomy?
if you choose him, and have another abortion then you are putting the possibility of future pregnancies at risk. if you decide to abort and stay with him, you should consider having your tubes tied. to use abortion as a measure of birth control isn't a good thing.
if he doesn't consider a monogamous relationship of three years to be a foundation then he is telling you something and you aren't hearing it!
i would suggest you go for counselling. not you and him. you by yourself. you need to talk to someone about your options. the challenges ahead of you are going to be daunting at times. i have to admit regardless of whether you have the baby and place it for adoption, or keep it and raise it yourself, or ultimately decide to abort the baby - if it were up to me i would tell you to pack your bags and get out now. it doesnt sound as though this fella is ever going to be what you want him to be and you have already given him three years.
do you have family you can go home to for a visit and give yourself some space to think about this?
i wish you well, i hope you make the right decision for yourself, not because any of us suggested it, not because thats what he wants, but your decision, based on what is right for you, what you can live with and deal with.
take good care
and good luck

Answer 7

I have been in a relationship for 5 yrs, we have 2 kids and 2 abortions under our belt. One of those babies I had to tell him that I was having it no questions and if he didn't like it oh well. It was also the same with the abortions, in the end it is really up to you on what you wanna do. Depending on how long it has been since the last abortion and whether or not you have any kids, I say go for it. Congrats in advance

Answer 8

How old are you? It is not his decision. I would have the baby and take his butt to court for child support and dump his bossy butt! He can not tell you what to do with your body. I'm not totally against abortion, I had one to but I really regretted it and if I got pregnant again, I would keep it this time no matter what! He also sounds like a loser! If he has a 6 year old, he obviously is out of high school so he should be working hard to support that kid which I'm sure he is not. He sounds like white trash.

Answer 9

Do what you feel is right. If you don't want an abortion don't do it. It's somewhat selfish of him because he has a child himself. It sounds like he doesn't want the responsibility. I'm sorry, it's just what it sounds like. Tell him you are going to have this baby and you want him to be supportive of you. You both made that child. I hope that whatever your decision it is not influenced by what anyone else says. Hope things work out for the best.

Answer 10

I wish you didnt have to ask this question. I would say that hes not worth it. If you have another abortion and stay with him you will have a lifetime of heartbreak, abortion after abortion. He is never going to change his mind, and hes never going to accept that you want children. Can you live the rest of your life with a man that doesnt want the same life as you? I would make the incredibly hard decision to leave him, and raise the baby on your own. I really hope that whatever decision you make will make you happy

Answer 11

I am so sorry this man is being s unsupportive. I see you already have a lot of responses, so I'm going to make this short and sweet. YOU have the right to choose. If you regret your last abortion and don't think you can go through it again, don't. You have to do what's right for you, and he needs to support YOUR decision about YOUR body, whatever it may be. Please don't let him pressure you into anything you're not comfortable with, because in the end you're the only one who has to deal with the consequences. If he doesn't want kids ever, HE should be the one to go through a surgical procedure to stop that (hello, vasectomy!), not you. Please do what you feel is right, and I think you already know what that is.