Is it wrong for me a lesbian to settle down with a man?

Question

I know it's weird. I just want a positive male role model for my kid growing up. It did me alot of good growing up. I'm not trying to fit into normal society. Just trying to do what is right.

Answer 1

There is no code of conduct on how a person should make their own choices about how to live their life, especially if they feel it's in the best interests of their children.
Lesbian women come in a different varieties, from those that want nothing to do with men at all, to those that will continue to carry on relationships with men despite identifying as a lesbian woman.
If you really feel strongly about providing a constant male role model for your child, then by all means 'settle down' with a man, just make sure you are doing it for reasons that will not leave you unhappy in the long run. Eventually the child will grow up, where will that leave your relationship with the guy?
Perhaps you are considering continuing a lesbian lifestyle whilst 'settled' with the man. How would the guy feel about this, and how would the child feel about it when they are old enough to figure out what's going on?
If i were the man, i would be most concerned that my woman was just settling with me for the convenience of using my masculinity as a child rearing aid, i would wonder about her true feelings towards me.
What is right is to raise a child with a good understanding that not everyone's life has to fit a certain blueprint, that families come in many different formats and that the most important thing is to realise that we are not all the same, and that understanding and kindness should be paramount in life. Give your child a richness of experience, let there be positive male role models in their life if you like, but be a positive role model yourself. If you have it in you to be a great parent, then you may well be the only parent your kid needs. The other people that come into your life can be great friends aswell as role models.

Answer 2

You could always get the kid a big brother or have male relatives or other guy friends around that would be a positive influence. Growing up my mother tried everything she could to keep my dad away while I was growing up, and she was very successful. I had a cousin though that was there for me. He was a father figure while growing up. Also, my mother was never really there for me growing up. A kid doesn't need a mother and a father to grow up healthy. They just need positive role models that can watch over them and guide them. All having, specifically, a mother and father does is just re-enforce stereotypical gender roles, which can do more harm than good.

Answer 3

If you think you would be okay with that, then go for it. I really doubt it's a good idea -- you might eventually get unhappy, unsatisfied, and whatnot, which would affect your child in a negative fashion anyway. Perhaps it was just having such a good role model in your life that made you grow up who you are, disregarding the fact that he was male. If you feel really strongly that she needs a good MALE role model, then either go for it, or maybe find a close family member or friend that your kid can hang out with and grow up around.

Answer 4

I think you can have a positive role model without having a male around 24/7. You really should NOT settle down with a male sexually unless you are physically attracted to him. It will only create problems down the road.

Plenty of lesbians, single and coupled, have children without the fathers being involved. I know that some "settle down" with gay men to have children. Gay men adopt and female family and friends provide positive female role models.

Do what you are comfortable with, but do not do something that you would regret down the road. You need to click, physically and mentally, with the person you are planning on being with.

Answer 5

Just so long as you aren't doing something that makes you unhappy or uncomfortable, go for it. If living with a man makes you unhappy in any way, though, don't do it; your kid will pick up on that much more than any positive male role modeling.

Good luck with the situation.

Answer 6

You can have a positive male role model for your baby and still be who you are.

Plus, you have to think of the effects on the other side too. Your baby will look at you and see you settling. That could send a message to him or her too.

Answer 7

Well I don't think it's entirely fair for the male if you don't have any heterosexual feelings at all, but people get married for a variety of reasons and not all of them are love.

So if you're upfront with the male you're going to marry and he's okay with it, then who is anybody else to dictate how you live your life? I mean sure, you're probably shortchanging yourself from spending your life with someone you truly love, but people make compromises in their lives all the time.

If you're going to do it, perhaps you should find either a bisexual or gay man who wants marriage for the same reasons you do. Then at least you'll be on the same page and nobody will be shortchanged by the situation.

Answer 8

You don't need to settle down with a man for your child to have a positive male role model. If you have a brother near by, your father or a male friend they can be a positive influence. Don't try to live a lie. Be who you are and your child will understand and appreciate you for it.

P.S. I am a hetero male so you know my opinion is not biased.

Answer 9

A good male friend or brother is all you need I can't see how making your life miserable for a kid or two would help.Now days a man is not needed to make a baby,just his sperm. And their are lots of single mothers out their doing just fine without a man.

Answer 10

Do what you think is right... Do you love the man at all (in a sexual way)... Settling down with a female partner won't make your kid gay, just make sure your kid has male role models in his life: your close guy friends, uncles, grandpas... etc.