This is my essay edited by many good writers and my sister. if someone is smart and good at english please?

Question

Miguel Hidalgo

Father Miguel Hidalgo fought for Mexico’s freedom from Spain with an army he made because he wanted freedom like U.S and also a Constitution. Miguel Hidalgo was born in 1753; I think he was a hero and was born to bring freedom to Mexico with help. In the September of 1810 Miguel Hidalgo and a great army started taking over many cities. He did a lot to bring freedom to Mexico.
Hidalgo was born on the Corralejo hacienda near Pénjamo, Guanajuato, on May 8, 1753. He changed his home into a night school for local artisans. He was sent to Valladolid (now Morelia) to study at the San Nicolás Obispo College, where he later taught theology, philosophy and ethics. He eventually became the college rector. In 1792, he was ordained. After working at different parishes, he came to practice his ministry at the Parish of Dolores.

To achieve their goal of freedom, Miguel Hidalgo led a great army through many cities of Mexico. First, they conquered Dolores, and then moved into the cities of Atotonilco, San Miguel el grande (Allende), Chamucuero, and Celaya. It was at Celaya that Hidalgo was awarded the rank of Captain General. Following his promotion, General Hidalgo took his army into the cities of Salmanca, Iraput and Silao. He continued leading his army until finally reaching Guanajuato. Captain General Miguel Hidalgo was executed July 18, 1811.
Father Miguel Hidalgo did everything to gain freedom from Spain. He wanted his country to be like the U.S. Even though Miguel Hidalgo and many other generals and captains died, the army and several captains kept fighting. Spain at last gave up on the fighting and Mexico was finally free.

Answer 1

Sweetie, that is not terribly well written. The second section can stand well enough, although it is not too exciting, but the first section needs major help. Phrases like "...with an army he made..." and "...started taking over many cities..." are awkward. The phrase "Miguel Hidalgo was born in 1753..." is a stand alone sentence. If you want it to be compound, make it about HIM, not the "hero" that YOU think he is... Try to reorder your sentences into stricter chronological order, that will accomplish a lot. Separate facts from opinions. Bring your points together instead of mentioning them two or three times along the way. Especially the hero/freedm/U.S part. Good luck.

Answer 2

Father Miguel Hidalgo fought for Mexico’s freedom from Spain with an army he made because he wanted freedom like the U.S has and also a Constitution. Miguel Hidalgo was born in 1753; (take out I think)he was a hero born to bring freedom to Mexico. In September of 1810, Miguel Hidalgo and a great army started taking over many cities. He did a lot to bring freedom to Mexico.
Hidalgo was born on the Corralejo hacienda near Pénjamo, Guanajuato on May 8, 1753. He transformed his home into a night school for local artisans. He was sent to Valladolid (now Morelia) to study at the San Nicolás Obispo College where he later taught theology, philosophy, and ethics. He eventually became the college rector. In 1792, he was ordained. After working at different parishes, he came to practice his ministry at the Parish of Dolores.

Answer 3

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Answer 4

YIKES!!
WHAT is your 'thesis statement' this should start with a sentence that tells us what this essay is about
and each paragraph should start with a sentence that tells us what that paragraph is about
NOW FIX IT!!