My wife left me and our two children . married 15 yrs. What now, She sees the boys 2 hrs per week.past 4 mos?

Question

My wife of 15 Years Has left me and our sons 11 and 13 ,four mo. ago. I love her and our boys ... she says she needed to try being on her own. The past year has been a colorfull one. Nov05 while out of town she had an affair. We talked . Then another affair. We talked . Then another affair. Outraged, I told her to get out, I would raise the children w/out her. The next day she wanted to work it out. We agreed to improve our marrage....6 mos later she wanted to move out. Emotionally she has always been a very unstable woman. I can see past many things ,but I stop at leaving your children. It has been 4 mos she has begun another relationship and ended it. I have no trust left for her or seemingly any other woman.My boys are not a burden to me. Every moment with them is pure and fulfilling. I preoccupy them with activities and outings on weekends. What should I do at this point. How do I begin the process of divorce as painless as possible for my family.

Answer 1

You sound like a wonderful father. Divorce is never painless, I'm sorry to say. I feel that you gave her more chances than any other person would....you have a big heart. At this point, I would suggest to you to find a lawyer, that's the only way to get started. The courts will see that she left you AND her children, and will most likely award you full custody. You just need to keep taking care of your boys as you have been, don't bad mouth their mother in front of them, and just show them all the love you have. They also need to realize that their mother loves them, no matter what she's done.....she still loves them. She has problems, and she will need to help herself some how some way. But in the mean time.....you focus on taking care of yourself, and your young boys. Keep on keeping on. With the love and guidance of their father, your boys will do just fine. Always let them know you're there for them. Take care friend, and I wish you all the best.

Answer 2

Have you had enough? Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure this one out. A Divorce would be far less painful than dealing with soon to be ex-wife.

I don't know why you put up with this for so long. Let her go and move on. You don't need this woman in your life. You deserve better.

I put up with my 1st wife for 8 years doing this type of thing, we tried everything and nothing worked. Finally i Filed for divorce, got everything we owned by default. Was the best decision i ever made was to divorce that woman. She's been married 11 times in the 17 years since our divorce. LOL.

Believe me you'll think the divorce was nothing compared to what you are dealing with now.

Answer 3

This is a complicated question, but I have been in a similar situation. First of all, divorce is NOT painless. If you don't lay all of your cards on the table from the get- go they will be worthless later on. You cannot withhold anything that she's done in order to "lessen" the blow to her. You had better "sock it to her" with all you've got or she can easily turn it around on you. I made the mistake of agreeing to a "No fault" divorce thinking that it would make things more "painless" for all involved, even though my ex did exactly what yours is doing, and more. On top of that I STILL wanted to work things out with her. It was SHE who told ME to leave! A year after the divorce she filed for modification of custody and actually won! Since we had a "No fault" divorce, there was no court record of her infidelity, mental abuse, parental alienation, or manipulation. I was dead in the water. In fact, during testimony I mentioned the fact that she was adulterous and the judge actually got pissed at me for mentioning it!!! It may be hard, but man- when you're fighting for your kids, you can't pull any punches!!!

Answer 4

Darren just get on with it. Get it over with as soon as possible so that you can start feeling better. You have your sons get custody of them and move on. See your lawyer and file for a divorce. Give yourself a chance to love again. I was bitter for years and that is not good for you or your sons. Take them on outings go camping and enjoy the outdoors- give your heart a chance to heal Some other lucky woman will appreciate you and your sons. Don't let anyone treat you like a truck stop

Answer 5

My deepest sympathy for you and your children.
Guess it is best that you call it quits. Convince the judge/courts that you're a better parent. But do not ever forbid their mother to come visit or else this may backfire on you. The children after all still need their mother.
I also hope that you dont generalise that all women are the same. There are many good and caring women out there.
So, all the best to your future with the boys and may you find another love to make you happy soon.

Answer 6

She is a SELFISH women and a BAD mother.

You need to do what you are doing be a MAN.

But a MAN does not stay married or work on a marriage with a SELFISH women that is a bad mother. So stop blaming yourself. Keep your boys away from her as much as possible.
Get a good lawyer because you are a responsible person and you will get drug to the cleaner. That's what happens to responsible people.

Don't date for awhile. Your boys don't need that. As far as the pain goes don't blame her you married her and you will understand with time that that was a BAD decision so any pain you are feeling is anger at yourselves.

Been there done that and now I call myself madeit. Take the high road be a MAN and get it over with. Good luck!

Answer 7

She's already begun "the process of divorce." Ask her to sign a reasonable settlement agreement that the two of you agree to. Start there. Tell her she can see the kids basically whenever within reason. Make it sound as amicable as possible. You keep the boys though, for there stability sake.

Answer 8

man, this is a situation. Here what i have to say, its not much of advice... but here goes...

you are an amazing person, to even try to work things out after everything shes done to you and YOUR FAMILY . You gave it all you had and it didnt work out, i know it hurts, and i know that you feel like you cant live without her, but trust me your better off, you still have your children and your family and friends. At the end i dont htink that it was even love anymore... once your accustomed to doing things a ccertain way you continue to do them this way. You were so used to her, to her touch, her smell her laugh, her tears... you didnt want to be alone. But trust me in time yoiu will find someone to care about you as much as you care about them. Your children are you number one priority, never leave them, try to be there for them, be their friend as well as thier parent, also dont try to make a bad name for her... after all she is their mother. Teach them right from wrong, hold them when they cry, give them a good spanking everyone in a while, dont worry you seem like a wonderfull father. If she doesnt see the children as a part of her life its her loss. It really is, dont try to make things better with her, treat her civil yet demand respect for yourself and your children, dont worry you will get through this. If you are a religous person then put your faith in god and he will help you through your rough times, if not then like ive stated before, with the help of those around you, you will get through this. Good luck with everything i hope it turns out fine. take it easy and take care.

Answer 9

Just do the best with you've got. Your children are at very impressionable ages and the integrity you give with your situation will gain the respect from your children who are old enough to see what has been going on. I'm sorry to see this happen to all of you, but I think you need to be their "rock". Listen, and be there for the kids. I'm sure you are doing that already. As for your ex-wife (or soon-to-be) she needs to get herself figured out. Unfortunately, I don't think she'll give up the kids easily. I don't know your situation with custody, but in my opinion you should be the one to get sole custody. Definitely give her visiting rights, but that would be healthier for your kids sake. Of course this is just my humble opinion and I hope nothing but the best for you. Good luck and keep your chin up and keep strong for the sake of your kids. Their noble father will help keep them in check too!

Answer 10

u will need to get an attorney for this, ask for sole custody of the children. but don't believe that all women are like her, or u may cheat yourself out of a new relationship and not want it when it does come to u. can't judge all women by this one. don't build up walls around u just forgive her, doesn't let her off the hook for what she did but does free u, from a lifetime of bitterness.