Best Friend is too complicated, what to do?

Question

I have been best friends with a male for about 9 years now. He calls me 2 to 3 times a day and we can talk about any and everything. We both said that we can't imagine not being best friends, our friendship is more like a "brother sister" situation. I have been married for 4 years now, and I feel like I am not a close to my husband as I am to my "brother". I told my male bf that I had fallen in love with him, but he said that he never looked at me like that, but sometimes he tells me that he loves me and he don't know what he would do without me. He tells me that I am beautiful and he treats his many women like crap, yet he has never disrespected me or hurt me in any way. He is not stable because my husband made me choose between him and my bf, when I chose my husband, he got mad at me and he felt like I had put my husband before him. He said that we have been friends longer than I have known my husband. I feel like he depends on me too much and I need to stop it, what should i do?

Answer 1

It sounds to me like your bf is meeting some emotional needs that your husband isn't. I can easily see the reasons for your attraction to him:
1. Long term friendship
2. Attention-calls 2 or 3 times daily
3. Respect, caring, and display of affection

Bf sounds like a great guy despite the obvious:
1. Many women he treats like crap
2. Apparent lack of sexual chemistry
3. Indecisiveness (He knew you for 5 years and never wanted a commitment?)
4. Irrational fear of rejection
5. Insane jealousy

As a man, I'm offended by his behaivor. If I was not mature enough to respect my 'friend's' marriage and hung on to some emotional attachment, probably because out of the many woman I used as playthings, I found one who was worthy of true affection, but I felt so bad about my sick-self that I lacked the esteem, courage, balls, what have you, to honor those feelings by risking getting my heart broken or my ego crushed, by asking for what I truly wanted i.e. a partner for life, but instead remained in the way of another man (emotional adultery), I'd be highly disappointed in myself or should be (let me catch my breath).

You probably made the right decision. Honor that. Honor your husband who had the intestinal fortitude to reveal his true feelings for you and commit his life to you. Life is too short.

Finally, there is a great website called MarriageBuilders.com.
You may want to check it out. The things you have shared in this question are things your husband deserves to know.
He may not be aware of how he is not meeting your needs and how close he is to losing you. Baby, right now you're vulnerable to having an affair and the pain of that isn't worth the few months of pleasure/turmoil it would cause.

Good luck and God bless you

Answer 2

Wow, tough question! First dont you think you told him you loved him because he was being all of the things your husband was not? We all dream of marrying our best friends but if we dont we feel like we settle. So instead of camparing the two try building a better relationship with the man that wants to be with you...your husband. Your BF sounds like he only wants what he cant have and he couldnt have you so he wanted you. Then when he could have you he didnt want you anymore. There comes a point in our lives where we need to say I am too old for all of this drama and grow up. If your BF treats all of his woman like crap and treats you like a queen, maybe just maybe your preception is just jelousy? Or better yet how all men actually feel about women but you actually get to see the inside view. We as women trash talk men everyday and as long as we have someone to agree with us our bitching is justified. Tell your BF you just need some time to think about things in your life and you just want a little time alone to spend with your husband. I guarantee he will fight like hell to get you back and he will say everything in the book to do it. Once this happens then maybe you will realize; YOU were your husbands first choice and maybe you should make your husband your as well. Just a thought

Answer 3

You need to get over your "brother." He doesn't love you..he uses you and your husband is being neglected..if your brother loved you-he'd be screwing you in bed and running away with you-it sounds like he's just emotionally tormenting you. We women call those brothers womanizers.

Answer 4

That is a sign, if he got mad at you because you chose your husband, he is not a true friend.....pray and ask God to give you a stronger love toward your husband.....prayer opens the door for God to work in our lives.....Jesus loves you

Answer 5

If you cherish your husband, drop this male friend. He's bound to cause problems in your marriage in future if he hasnt already done so now.

Answer 6

You need to cut off communication with him. You will get hurt if you don't.

Answer 7

tell him you want to stay happy and if he cares as much as he says he does he will back off some.