Its always preached that if you love someone, then you love them unconditionally. Now my big dilema is: If he's married and has chilldren, how then can I not continue loving him despite his situation or does condition constitute to only when no other 'parties' (family) are involved, in which case, I would understand that, he'd have to desert what he has, ie his family for me to love him.(making it conditional)
With all due respect, one should not be deemed as a home breaker, as they did not take any vows that the subject of their desire may have taken prio to getting together. Who should be held responsible in this sort of liason? at the end of the day, there is always some consoling 'saying' to justify each parties position.
Who is right or wrong?
And who should the offended partner blame in this kind of situation?
Please be honest as a lot of us tend to be very defensive.
2007-02-13 14:57:29 · 19 answers · asked by lulu 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
NB: I met him before he met his wife, I was not ready to relocate at the time and still won't untill I've accomplished what I started. we knew each other before he even met her.... have some understanding here please.....
2007-02-14 11:30:08 · update #1
If I understand correctly, you are having or hypothosizing an intimate relationship with a married man . You know that by society's norms and values it is looked down upon for a woman to be with a married man, but that same society preaches "unconditional love," so you see a contradiction here.
It sounds like you are indignant at those that have or might call you a home breaker. It sounds like you just want to be free to have the relationship you desire and not be judged.
You asked who is right or wrong. You get to judge yourself and decide what is right for YOU. What you choose and do is a declaration of who you are. No one else has the authority to tell you who you are or what you can or can't do.
As far as who the offended partner gets to blame in this situation, each person is responsible for his or her own actions and reactions. We have zero control over other people. The only control we have is over our own thoughts, feelings, and actions. Blame is pretty useless. I suggest that the offended person can choose to not take personally the actions of the other person, accept what is happening and take care of herself and do what she needs to keep herself save and find her own happiness.
About unconditional love: The big love, the true love is without condition, without need and without expectation. Very few humans experience this kind of love. This is the love that loves whether or not love is returned, this is the love that loves for love's sake.
In most cultures love is called unconditional, but is expressed conditionally. In these cultures, love is an unspoken trade agreement where two people give each other what they have in exchange for what the other person will give until one or both tires of the arrangement (or derrangement). Each person has the expectation that the other person will make them happy or fulfill them in some way. Each person has a need or needs that the other person is expected to fulfill. One or both partners often jealously protects the relationship.
Unconditional love is the stuff of enlightenment. When one is truly at peace with oneself and truly loves oneself unconditionally, then s/he can love others unconditionally. Unconditional love doesn't mean we tolerate cruel or abusive behavior. We can still love unconditionally even if our presence is conditional.
Kind regards
2007-02-13 16:09:07 · answer #1 · answered by teach_empathy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You never should have developed such feelings for someone who's married already.
If love is unconditional, then would you still love someone who one day decides they don't love you anymore? How about if after that they started cheating on you, repeatedly? What if some of that cheating was sleazy one- night stands that meant nothing with someone whose last name was never even mentioned? What if after that the one you loved not only told you all of this, but added that they hate you as well? Would you still love that person? Unconditional love only exists between a parent and their child(ren).
2007-02-13 15:06:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave that married man along. Let him stay with his wife and children.how would you like it if someone interfered in your marriage.
There's a saying that says if he cheats on his wife with you he'll cheat on you with some one else. What goes around comes around. There are lots of single good intelligent men out there. Do the right thing and one will come your way.
Don't be deceived by this man he will never leave his wife for you. He will use you up and then dump you.
Don't be a fool. You seem to be a very smart lady. Now act like one.
good luck.
2007-02-13 15:17:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your inquiry is somewhat confusing. However, I am guessing that you are inquiring what unconditional love is and how to justify if you are the home wrecker. I will simply say this: Unconditional love means that you obviously you don't love on conditions, i.e., you only love someone if they provide for you financially or satisfy you sexually. You love someone in spite of them not meeting your finanacial expectations or your sexual desires or even your physical attraction requirements. You love someone for their flaws and their perfections. However, love is not a feeling...it is an action. If you happen to love someone who is married aside from having children, you are indeed a home wrecker and I don't deem that you truly possess true love. True love can let go and let go for the right reasons. It may be hard, but it is true love that prevails in every situation. If you think that home wrecking will satisfy your urges and yearnings, think again...and he isn't in love either. Wait until he divorces her to even begin discussing unconditional love on a serious level. And then see how unconditional love reigns.
2007-02-13 15:05:40 · answer #4 · answered by PEACHFACE 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
it is supposed to be unconditional...but as you state there are always conditions... The wrong in this situation...my opinion only. Is him, who is married...leaving him unable to love you unconditionally...if he is married...he should not be getting involved with anyone else..regardless of why he feels he needs another person. He is in a committed relationship and needs to end it before becoming involved with somebody else.. if you are looking are wanting to be in a true unconditional love affair...being with a married man is not the way to go about it... and it is not fair for him to expect unconditional love from you when he himself cannot give it back.
2007-02-13 15:04:38 · answer #5 · answered by coastgirl 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you love someone unconditionally, you must accept all of their faults and problems without expecting benefit for yourself. Therefore, if you unconditionally love a married man, you must refrain from doing anything that would change him. In other words, stay away from him and love him from afar. Don't allow yourself to come between him and his family. If you don't like the idea of loving from afar, then you need to forget him and find someone without a wife and children
2007-02-13 16:03:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is only unconditional in the case of God to US, humanity. Outside of this people and people love is very one sided, conditional and youll find has strings attached. My advice which will be unpopular im sure, is to get into a good bible teaching church, pray and wait on God to give you whats best for you. Getting into other peoples situations and stuff is just dirty business for anyone and you obviously deserve something new not used.
2007-02-13 15:01:27 · answer #7 · answered by cmdeane2 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Loving someone with no boundaries, regardless of what she/he maybe is unconditional but loving someone which you know for a fact that he/she has responsibilities to another family is maybe a selfish love...
As the saying goes: If you love someone, set him free, if he ever comes back then he's yours...
2007-02-13 15:33:24 · answer #8 · answered by Nieva 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think any love between humans is is unconditional. Everyone has their own conditions, whether conscious or subconscious, ie different boundaries or levels we're willing to go to different things or 'conditions' we will put up with.
2007-02-13 20:44:23 · answer #9 · answered by Sarah H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the only love that is uconditional is a mother's love. My child is the only one in my life that I would love No Matter What. He could stab me in the heart and I'd still love him.
2007-02-13 15:00:24 · answer #10 · answered by true blue 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋