I have a teenage daughter who is pressured into drinking, what are some reasonable punishments?

Question

My daughter is a 16 year old sophmore. She has an enthusiastic bunch of friends who like to get together and party. My daughter likes to go along, and even though I believe she doesnt want to drink, she sees her friends doing it and is coaxed into having a few beers. She comes home and lies about this which puts me in a difficult situation. How can I punish her even though she didn't instegate her drinking habits?

Answer 1

I think punishing would just encourage her to rebel even more. Instead, try sitting down with her and voicing your concern and letting her know of the consequences.

If you make her think that it's "okay" to have just a few and be responsible about it, she'll know that you trust her and is less likely to break that trust, but as soon as you start saying "no" and providing a punishment, she'll let her independence take over and you'll end up with a never ending power struggle.

Answer 2

Everyone is responsible for their own actions... It is your responsibility to teach your child that lesson somehow because it will enter into every aspect of her entire life.

You cant possibly be with her all the time to make sure she doesnt drink so the best you can do is have healthy discussions about it, create a relationship where she is comfortable to share everything with you, and most of all, make sure she knows that you are there for her, willing to go get her in the middle of the night if she needs a ride home. We have an agreement with our 16 year old daughter that no matter what time she calls, if she needs us we will be there without judgement and attitude. If she ever did get into a situation where she was with kids drinking, the thought of her getting into any of their cars would be too much to bear. You can always talk about the incident a day later when things have calmed down. This agreement not only is for drinking, but also for hanging out with friends somewhere where things turn into any sort of uncomfortable atmosphere for her, dates & school events.

Answer 3

Instegate ??? at 16 she is a young ADULT !!! not a full one, but she is still considered adult enough to go to jail, or if she drives age has NOTHING to do with death !!!!!!!! Your daughter sounds like a young me..... but one thing I can say for myself, NO ONE made me drink, only I had that choice to make...... You need to sit down with daughter and tell her a few home truths about this drinking game...... I wish my parents would have spoke up !!!!! You do not have to be the villian or bad guy, but you do have to be the PARENT !!!!!!!!!! Punishment is the wrong word to use, but earned TRUST is a good word........ she shows good judgment, she earns the right to go out....... PARENTS set the rules NOT the kids !!!!!!!!!!! God bless

Answer 4

I am only a few years older than your daughter but i know a few things that can help you. I know what it is like be pressured in to doing things that you don't want to do. That's why i had a son when i was 17. I think you should talk to her and explain what is going on with her. Even if she don't want to talk or seems as if she is not listening she really is. My mom never let me go out alone and when i would lie and get out of the house by my self that's when i would rebel and that's how i got pregnant. If you let her keep on going out by her self and along with her friends there is a possibility that she will end up doing a lot more then drinking. It only takes one person to tell her ohhh he is cute go talk to him or mess around with him she will do it. No offense but a girl can be stupid when it comes to guys and friends. i think that you should not let her go out for two weeks and monitor who she is on the phone with and for how long and if she gets on the computer and what sites she is going on and who is she talking to, but if you need to talk email me at [e-mail] good luck

Answer 5

Look at things differently: what if she doesn't drink?
Would it be fair to punish her for being honest and standing up to her friends?

If you're really that bothered by her partying, don't let her go. Partying late at night and drinking are two different issues altogether. I'd be more worried about her friends driving her home drunk, or rape, or even just her grades plummetting.

My parent's rarely let me party when I was in high-school, and even then they came to pick me up at midnight.
Now I'm in college and I understand their reasons, I can party if I wish, I just need to be responsible about it.

Also, it's possible to drink one or two beers which won't affect your driving (depending on your metabolism), for enjoyment, without getting drunk.
The only issue I would see with this is that if you're in America it's probably not legal at 16 (in France it is).

Answer 6

My daughter is 17 and is against drinking- in part because I've been discussing this type of thing with her all her life- it's not just about "drinking" per se, but about knowing how to make life choices- and understanding that a choice made NOW could very well affect her entire life.

I explained in detail to my daughter that while her friends think it's "cute" to drink- were they to be in an accident (for example) and MY daughter was a paraplegic as a result, would those friends be around then? Would they be changing her diapers and giving sponge baths? No.

I believe that young people who have clear established goals and clear established consequences know how to tow the line. My daughter knows that the first time she ever walks in my house with alcohol on her breath or in her system, that her punishment will be swift and she won't like it.

I encourage her to look at the BIG picture- teens don't realize that you have a LIFETIME as an adult to do as they please- when they are working and paying their own bills. Be a "kid" as long as you can. It goes by fast and there is no going back.

I don't ban my daughter from who she can be friends with, but I am in control here and can limit her time with kids I deem "unparented" and "wild".

There are so many consequences to drinking now that there weren't back when I was a teenager- there was no "date rape drug" that I know of......no situations where you get drunk and then find yourself being raped by a group of boys- that happens, and more frequently than you think. The consequences of drinking can be more than just getting a "Minor in Possession" ticket- it can be a Venereal Disease, Pregnancy, etc. When you drink, you are inhibited and unable to make common sense "right from wrong" decisions.

Talk to your daughter, and tell her what your goals are for her and find out what HER'S are as well- and how drinking and hanging around friends who drink can be a detriment to her goals and dreams. Encourage her to find friends who aren't into feeling like the only way to have fun is to break the law (which a minor drinking is doing)- and have goals that are similar to hers. I'd also explore why or what you can do to get her in a position where the peer pressure of others does not sway her to make choices that she knows are wrong. It's very scary to think that some fellow teens can talk her into potentially dangerous situations.

If you must be hard on her, do so. I'd rather my teenager be angry at me than to have her killed in an accident or die from alcohol poisoning. "Having no life" because of mom is better than LITERALLY "having no life" because of the consequences of drinking.

Edit: I wanted to respectfully disagree with the answers that encourage you to "reason with your daughter". She's a minor. Breaking the law by drinking. She is not in a position to expect you to reason with her. She can reason with folks when she is grown and on her own. She's a child- period. You make the rules. You are looking out for her best interests. Period. I figure as a parent that I pay to be the boss. I don't "reason" with my kids- I'm fair, but I have the final word.

Answer 7

i am 17 and i started drinking when i was 14 and if you let he do it it will only make it worse. they say people do what you let them do but i am serious you need to put your foot down now she will walk all over you what would you do if u let her get drunk and she got raped. maybe u should beat her she night be 16 but u are never to old to get Ur *** beat excuse my language but i have been down that road and sometimes i feel mad at my mother for not telling me that i shouldn't be drinking maybe u should put her and punishment or take something away from her when she does something that u tell her not to do but the one thing i think u should do is tell her what can happen car accidents rape alcohol poisoning and someone could even drug her there are so many negative thing that can happen but in the long run when she is older she will be able to thank you for steering her in the right direction i hope i have helped please write me and let me know how thing go* Melanie

Answer 8

i think she should have to stay home and not go out with her friends if they are all going to drink. who is buying the beer for them? i wouldn't want that kind of adult around my kid.
even if she didn't instegate her drinking habits, they could turn into something worse. i started off with drinking when i was a teenager and it soon went to drugs, i stayed on drugs until i was 25 years old. and it really messed my life up. so i think with something like drinking/drugs you should nip it in the bud as soon as possible. and explain how dangerous it is to fall into addiction. and take her to some AA meetings, there are teen programs out there. i wish my mom would have done something for me when i was a kid.

Answer 9

You can buy home drug tests at walmart, that way you can make sure she's acutally drinking, then if she is you punish her once for drinking and once for lying to you, true friends don't corerce people into drinking or doing anything they don't want to do. Good luck hope things get better.

Answer 10

Don't punish her, reason with her.

Point out that she's under no obligation to drink. Point out what happens when you get drunk -use real examples, not sensationalistic media ones- and if she is going to drink, as her parent, you really do care about her. Tell her that there's nothing wrong with drinking, as long as it's in moderation. To try to limit herself to just one drink.

And then also tell her that if she lies to you and betrays your trust, she's only going to make it harder on herself, whereas if she's honest and open, it's a lot smoother sailing.