I have a teenage daughter who is pressured into drinking, what are some reasonable punishments?

Question

My daughter is a 16 year old sophmore. She has an enthusiastic bunch of friends who like to get together and party. My daughter likes to go along, and even though I believe she doesnt want to drink, she sees her friends doing it and is coaxed into having a few beers. She comes home and lies about this which puts me in a difficult situation. How can I punish her even though she didn't instegate her drinking habits?

Answer 1

Whether she instigated it or not, the bottom line is that she gave in and drank when she knows she's not supposed to. The next time she goes out and parties with her friends and comes home drunk, call the cops on whomever allowed the drinking to take place--they had to get the beer from somewhere.

Punish her however you see fit; she obviously can not be trusted to make decisions that don't endanger herself. She is not an adult. If she gets caught drunk, ground her! Restrict priviledges and cut her off from that group of friends, who are more interested in 'having a good time' than 'having a good life'.

Answer 2

Everyone is responsible for their own actions... It is your responsibility to teach your child that lesson somehow because it will enter into every aspect of her entire life. You cant possibly be with her all the time to make sure she doesnt drink so the best you can do is have healthy discussions about it, create a relationship where she is comfortable to share everything with you, and most of all, make sure she knows that you are there for her, willing to go get her in the middle of the night if she needs a ride home. We have an agreement with our 16 year old daughter that no matter what time she calls, if she needs us we will be there without judgement and attitude. If she ever did get into a situation where she was with kids drinking, the thought of her getting into any of their cars would be too much to bear. You can always talk about the incident a day later when things have calmed down. This agreement not only is for drinking, but also for hanging out with friends somewhere where things turn into any sort of uncomfortable atmosphere for her, dates & school events.

Answer 3

Well for one, i think there's two issues going on here. One: your daughter LIED to you. Two: She did what her friends wanted her to do, despite knowing that she shouldn't or maybe even didn't want to drink in the first place. So i think you need to focus in on those issues rather than punishment.....She clearly has self-esteem issues if she has to follow what her friends did. And I would not give her sympathy/make her punishment lighter because her friends "pressured" her into doing it. I'm sorry, but she's just going to have to learn how to say "no" and to deal with the backlash. It's a life lesson and she's not going to learn it, if you indirectly say it's not her fault b/c she was "pressured". I know i sound harsh, but believe me i'm not too far removed from my teenage days, so i know how teens think(i.e, she probably had the opportunity to say no and just didn't.) Back to your question, if she has a car-take it away from her for a good while- a month or two should work. Tell her that if she was caught drinking and driving, she could be arrested or worse, could have killed someone. Harsh, again, I know, but i wouldn't let this issue slide, it'll only make it harder on you later. And she needs MORE THAN ONE firm talk about drinking, respect, and peer pressure. Make it a continous ongoing discussion, that way she understands that you're serious.

Answer 4

It doesn't matter if she instigated it. She still took part in drinking underage even though she knows it's wrong. Just because she was pressured doesn't mean she shouldn't be punished. She chose to drink. No one physically made her. She also lied to you. What you need to do is prevent her from hanging out with this group of friends unless they are going to be at your home, or she agrees to call you once every hour or two to let you know exactly where she is and what she is doing when out with these people until you feel she can be trusted. If she still chooses to drink or lie to you then you need to enact consequences, such as preventing her from hanging out with this group of friends altogether and taking away other priveleges she enjoys. (and this isn't impossible to do) You also need to have a serious discussion with her on the reprecussions and consequences of underage drinking, and encourage her to have the will power and stregnth to tell these friends that she won't drink with them. Her lying to you should not be tolerated either.

Answer 5

Tell her that although she didn't instigate the drinking, she still has a right to say no. She can even say she's on a diet (Weight Watchers) and can't drink alcohol because it is too many points! This doesn't have to be a lie - she can go to WW!
She may be using the 'Everyone's pressuring me' explanation to excuse what she'd doing. Tell her you don't buy it. Tell her she knows she doesn't have to drink and she has a choice.
Grounding is a punishment. Taking away her cell phone is a punishment. Changing her curfew is a punishment.

Answer 6

Being a young person my self and a member of the "recovery" (recovering alcoholics and addicts) community I will tellyou no punishment will work and anything you tell your daughter-she will likely do the opposite. The key here is to show her (or have someone else besides a parent) where drinking leads poeple if that dosent work (and this sounds bad but it may work) take her to the grave of someone you know has died directly or indirectly thru drinking.
This issue is just a few beers now but MAY grow into somtning else.

Answer 7

make her drink a box of beer. if she drinks until she is sick, she wont dring again.

-or-

you can ask her to do more chores around the house for something simple like talking back to you or something and then talk about underage drinking and how many people were killed in recent times. give subtle hints how she could eventually kill her self.

-or-

have a talk about drinking and first say i am not accusing you, but i know u may be pressured into drinking and i want to let you know what could happen.

do the first one if she is a brat.
the second if she is brat but you wouldnt dare do anything that might endanger her.
do the third one if she is reasonable and smart, and if she lied to you about drinking, its not going to work.

by the way, if she drank and lied about it, she most probably wants to drink,

Answer 8

i would ground her for a week. but it would not be just sitting around the house. what you need to do each one of these days that she is grounded is take her to a place where people suffer from alcoholism (rehabilitation facility) so she can see first hand the effects that drinking has on a persons life. in situations like this actions speak louder than words. it sounds like a harsh punishment i know but she needs to understand beyond a reasonable doubt that drinking ruins lives and alcoholism is a disease. this is the best thing that you could do for her. hope this helps. good luck.

Answer 9

You have to show her that even though her "friends" are drinking, it is still her decision to drink. She has to take responsibility for her own actions and not
use other people for an excuse. Not punishing her for this, is not going to teach her that there are consequences for HER actions

Answer 10

um, way to make excuses for your daughter.

she's not a bad kid, but she definately knows how to play you.

if she put the bottle to her lips she chose to drink. Kids don't force eachother to drink - they watch their friends and decide to do what they want to do. Teach her about the risks of drinking and how to drink safely. tell her she can always call you for a ride instead of drinking and driving. teach her the facts of binge drinking and how unhealthy it is - it's super popular and common for kids to not drink often, but drink A LOT when they do. teach her basic first aid for someone who has had too much to drink. if you don't know - educate yourself first, and then her. or tell her you want to research it together and sit in front of the computer and do it. It will put you on the same level.

Instead of making excuses for her choices, educate her on how to make choices you are both proud she can take responsibility for!!!