How do I come out to my family?

Question

I am gay, but my parents are very strict Christians who don't respect gay people at all. I have had gay sex and I am not questioning my sexuality, so I have no "straight" tendencies that I can attempt to disguise my sexuality through to my parents. How do I tell my parents that I am gay and that I date women.

I really have absolutely no clue as to what to say, and I know I am rambling. But, I feel that I need to tell someone, but there isn't anyone for me to tell. I don't really have close friends at school. I support gay rights and gay rallies and forums at my school, which I would have hoped would have given someone a hint to no avail. Does anyone have any similar situations? I would love some feedback. And, I apologize for not cuttting to the point, this is something that has really been bothering me.

Answer 1

Hopefully a woman will respond who has had similar circumstances, because I think it's possible that strict Christian parents can sometimes treat gay sons differently than gay daughters, but I'll share some of my own experience.

My parents are pretty strict Christians too, and I've had to go through this myself. The only advice I can give you is to be completely open and honest with them about everything -- including the way you feel and have felt for many years.

It can be very discomforting for a loving parent to hear that they haven't fully known their own child for many years, because on some level that child has been afraid that they would no longer love or respect them if they really knew them.

The first step for me was in telling my parents that I was sorry for keeping them at a distance from my life for such a long time, and that I wanted to change that, start over, and have a closer relationship with them, as long as they were willing and able to listen to me without judgement and to love and respect me no matter what.

That alone took some time, and I think they both knew right away what was going on when we had that first conversation. But it allowed them some time to think about it, recognize the gravity of the situation, and prepare themselves for "the big conversation" which came later. In this way, it wasn't a shock for them, but a confirmation of what they had suspected and prepared themselves for, and so they were given a better opportunity to respond lovingly instead of defensively to what I had to say.

Naturally everyone's parents are different, but I hope this helps you in some way. Good luck!

Answer 2

I'm 44 now but I tried a few times after my 18th bday party and after age 25 and they werent cool about it. Born and raised in an italian family off the boat thats catholic and republican theyre very closed minded. Whats even worse is that i got my mom a job at the college just before i turned 25 and theres a whole diversity of people including gays, lesbians and transgendered people and still closed minded. You'd think that working with all these people(both as coworkers and as customers) would help you open up a bit but no.

I'm assuming you're a lot younger than I am and in this day and age it would be easier so I wish you the best of luck.
Too bad it didnt work out for me..sigh.