My husband and I are having problems because if it isnt 1 of them it is another and we have no time to be alone. Also we seperated earlier this week so he could have time out as he is close to breaking and I cant help but feel he is financially providing to much for these grown children and things wont improve untill we let them fend for themselves. Do you think we should move far away? I am considering Cairns, Australia.
2007-02-13 14:30:57 · 8 answers · asked by karena k 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I know they are our children. I just find that we have organised in the past 3 months 3 new cars...in the 3 months since we have had a motor blown up, so we got a new motor.....2 accidents in 5 days...I organised all the insurance with those....1 write off...my husband has spent all weekend trying to put a new motor in the car that had it's motor blown up to give to the other son who had his car written off by the other son who was driving his brothers car.......and so it continues!!!!!!!!!!! Then there are 2 son's the one's with 2 of the before mentioned cars, who couldnt work in a iron lung. And 1 of those boys just moved in with my husbands ex - girlfriend bestfriend. THIS IS ALL TRUE!!!!!!!!
2007-02-13 14:52:09 · update #1
I know the feeling. It is not to be trivialized. Dont move so far away. If you must move, you must. Especially if you are retirement age, then plan a retirement move. Otherwise set down some clear rules. I agree. I am just having to tell my older kids to call before they come over. This is not their house anymore and they should not feel like they have free rein when we wouldnt have the same at their house. Reconcile with your husband if possible. Make the rules together and agree to them.
2007-02-13 14:37:57 · answer #1 · answered by answers999 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You make one good point - they are GROWN children. They have their own lives now. I don't personally have children, but I can imagine that it is hard to not support them when they need help. But there has to be a limit, especially when it starts negatively impacting your marriage and finances. Moving may or may not be the best idea. If you think it will help, then do it, but maybe not so far as Austrailia. You can always give your children suggestions on how to get on their own two feet, but until you are not giving them money anymore, they won't be truly motivated to do anything on their own because they know that Mom and Dad will come through to bail them out. Sometimes "tough love" is the best kind. : ) Good luck!
2007-02-13 22:45:09 · answer #2 · answered by Melody 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Australia is a beautiful place. But it won;t really solve anything. They can just call and if Dad is going to send them money, then he can just as easily from there.
You need to have a family meeting and lay it all out on the line. Let them know that they are financially ruining you and destroying your marriage. As you said they are OLDER children and they need to grow up and face the world.
2007-02-13 22:39:10 · answer #3 · answered by llywarch_dindaethwy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are enabling your children to stay immature. Practice some tough love and refuse to help them with all this nonsense. they will cry and scream, stand your ground, they will appreciate you someday. I loaned $300 to my daugher once to keep her from getting kicked out of her apartment, and it was clear that this was a LOAN. Well, sure enough, next month she came asking for more money. I told her NO WAY and where was my money she was to repay. She got mad, came up with the rent money on her own and although it took her 4 months, she did finally repay me. She is now out on her own with a good job and has never come to me for money again.
2007-02-13 23:56:18 · answer #4 · answered by mamabear1957 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK that's an option, BUT have you considered talking to your children about the situation. And your husband can learn to say NO. There is no reason to move away from your children if you can solve your problems. >You can't run away from your problems. Also maybe your kids still need your help on growing, I'm not trying to be rude, but they may need guidance on jobs etc...
2007-02-13 22:36:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know of a couple that moved when their kids went to work. They had the moving van ready to come, packed up their things, sold the house and left. True story.
It is really hard to know when too much is too much when dealing with your kids, if it is causing you financial problems it is time to cut the purse strings.
2007-02-13 22:37:45 · answer #6 · answered by kny390 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should buy an RV and just travel the continent. Assuming you are already retired. If you aren't, start asking your job for a transfer.
2007-02-13 22:36:21 · answer #7 · answered by besitos2610 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
HOW OLD ARE YOU?
ACT YOUR AGE.
BOOT THEM.
KEEP THE DOOR SHUT AND IF YOUR HUSBAND CAN'T SEE THE PROBLEM--SHUT THE DOOR BEHIND HIM WHEN YOU BOOT HIM.
HE'LL COME TO HIS SENSES OUTSIDE.
2007-02-13 22:35:37 · answer #8 · answered by cork 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋