What's the recipe for a successful marriage/relationship???

Question

Last month, I met someone and we clicked instantly. Last weekend, we made our relationship official, which is funny because I'm normally overcautious when it comes to starting relationships. I'm not saying I want to marry the guy tomorrow but this is the first time I've seriously considered marriage.

My question is mainly for married couples or divorcé/divorcée(s) but of course, anyone is free to respond. I am curious: What is the recipe for a successful marriage/relationship? What personality traits or characteristics contribute to a successful marriage? Also, could you include in your response how long you've been married? And if you're divorced, why'd you get a divorce?

THANKS!!!! :)

WOW!!! All of these responses are awesome so please keep them coming!

And I totally forgot tomorrow was Valentine's Day! Happy Valentine's day to everyone! ;)

Answer 1

I think it's very important to take your time and not rush into marriage. Some things you may want to pay attention to are....

how does he get along with his family
how does he treat other people in general
does he listen to and respect your opinion
does he want you to have interests and friends of your own
how does he handle his finances

You should enjoy his company and have fun together but people tell you what they're all about you just have to pay attention and not make excuses for anything that doesn't feel right.

I've been happily married for 31 years....it's working because we're both committed to making it work.....good luck to you.

Answer 2

Married twice...

First marriage, married at 20, only knowing him for 6 months. Filed divorce 11 months later. Caught him cheating. Didn't know him at all.

Married now for 5 1/2 years, together 8 1/2 years... (I learned my lesson the first time around.

1. Always say I love you
2. Hold hands
3. Touch a lot, this is not nessesarly sex either.
4. Communicate often, every day.
5. Share money, we are a team right?
6. Share bills, we both made them.
7. No pointing fingers.
8. Forgiveness, after all, we are only human.
9. Expect and understand that he is not perfect nor are you.
10. Trust,(should have been number 1.)
11. Freedom to be an individual person.
12. Be able to be yourself without fear of rejection.
13. Make love, don't F___. There is a difference.
14. F___ if you need to LOL JOKE.
15.Give special looks that only he knows how to read. (comes
with time.)
16. Agree to disagree.
17. Give lots of hugs.


I could truly go on and on. But seeing as you have just meet I would suggest you watch how he is towards everything you say and do. See how he is with your friends and family, if he treats you differnet when around certain people (within reason, I don't think he would "goose" you in front of your family, you know what I mean) Do not dedicate all your time for him and leave behind the things that you love, friends, hobbies etc... this will hurt you in the end and you will feel like you have lost some of your own identity.

Good luck. Hope it works, but if it doesn't, you can find this again. You never thought you'd even feel this way once right?

Answer 3

This has been researched by a psychologist named John Gottman, he is a professor in california and he has created a system where he can analyze a couple talking for 15 minutes and predict with 98 percent accuracy if they will stay together or not. He has been doing this and documenting it for 25 years. His system is extremely complex but has to do with different attributes such as disgust contmept anger defensiveness, stone-walling sadness whining and so on there are about 20 of them but he says the main ones are Defensiveness, stone-walling, criticism, and Contempt;the most important being contempt. Look up the definition of these words and it will help you realize what he is saying John has actually done longitudinal studies to even predict how many times a spouse will get sick, the effects of contempt can be so stressful it breaks down ones immune system. If you want to know more all of this is in the book Blink by Malcolm Gladwell in chapter 2 it is an amazing book but if your not into reading alot maybe you could stop at a barnes and noble and just read the chapter and take a few notes that way you dont have to buy the book too......i hope this helps the book will help you understand better

Answer 4

i am divorced with one year marriage and simply beacuse we just didnt get along after all it was mutual. i remarried and we have been married 7 years this july and together 10 total now, i would have to say dont ever go to bed mad, count to ten before u say things u dont mean, dont be irrational, think things through and always ask the others advise, never lie to each other or keep secrets, talk at night while ur in bed about everything ad anything, actually pay attention to needs and wants of the other and be genourous~ Dont ever fuel the fire in an disagreement, and never throw darts, like say well u did or u are ect, the past is the past, and 2morrow will always be a new day, so dont start it off with yesterdays junk! Wake up in the morning and say i love u, smile, and always be positive, goodluck 2 ya!

Answer 5

Commitment honest and trust then you add communication and unconditional love. Put some romance and time with a little bit of passion and you have something great to start with. But make sure you have God in the middle of it all and add respect and admiration for each other to the mix.... Do not forget to add some fun times and dating with lots of hugs and kisses along with hugs.... Stir well. Add some forgiveness and unselfishness and this will complete the recipe. Back till golden brown and with lots of work and unity you will have a perfect recipe that will last for a lifetime and just keep getting better over and over again!

I am happily married to my husband for going on 8 years now and together almost 9 and it gets much better and sweeter over time. Our love is growing stronger and better every day. My first husband passed away and i divorced my second husband because he abandoned me in the first six months of marriage and never came back.

http://www.marriagetoday.org

Answer 6

I believe the key to a successful relationship/marriage is the ability to make each other laugh. I'm familiar with a few medicines and laughter is the best there is. Laughter helps keep the light on - you know what I mean? When you're going through a rough spot, it helps bring you back to where you were. I got a divorce because my Ex wouldn't help me stop her older daughters from abusing the little girl we had. I got custody of my little girl & we are very happy. We laugh a lot. We're OK.

Answer 7

First give it more than a month or two.. you have to have an unconditional love , no matter what they do , deal with all problems together , do not believe it is a 50/50 relationship it has to be 100/100 both giving all , you have to have trust, and honesty , and faith in each other , most divorces are due to money problems even though you say for richer or poorer make sure you both know everything about each other, good ,and bad ,and be sure you each can tolerate each others annoying habits , you have to become each others best friend..and It is not easy , marriage & family raising are the two hardest things in life to do , but man , think of the pay off for the hard work. nothing like it, my girlfriend and I have been together going on 11 years, we have wondered about marriage but thought it would mess up a great relationship..( our little joke) it is already decided if we can not work it out she gets everything it is easier for me to start
over than for her. but we will more than likely tough it out and get married

Answer 8

ONE DAY AT A TIME

This is mine and my hubbys motto (so to say). We are honest with one another we both wanted the same things out of life we talk for hours (even when mad). We know when to give space, we listen to the feelings and fears. We work thru problems TOGETHER. We try not to take one another for grated. We never go to sleep angry and we always say I Love You. We have had our fair share of problems mostly financial but we decided not matter what it is we will live b this poem we found:

ONE DAY AT A TIME

Help me believe in what I could be and all that I am.
Show me the stairway I have to climb.

Lord, for my sake teach me to take one day at a time......


I am 33 and he is 42 we have been together almost 10 and married 8yrs dec 23rd 2006. We have a 8yr old daughter.
We met in aug of 97, I moved from my home in CT to his in NC in sept of 97. We got pregnant oct 97. Had a beautiful daughter in july 98. married in dec 98. And have been together ever since. I knew the day he opened a door for me and touched my arm that he was the one. We dont give up in our love and our marriage when if feels like life has given up on us. We have to have HOPE when we have nothing else. We are always honest, even if the truth hurts. But we keep no secrets and we share everything. The good the bad and the ugly. I hope this helps you. Take care happy Valentines day and good luck best wishes.

Answer 9

Married 3 years to the best soldier in the world! <3

What people need to realize especially women, is that marriage isn't always about them. It's about making the other person feel respected, appreciated, supported, physically loved, and so on! When you marry, you become one. Treat your spouse as if it were the last day on this earth, trust me, once you change your attitude, it'll happen for a lifetime. I had a nice wake up call before Christmas because I thought the world revolved around me and my happiness. It doesn't. My husband felt like he didn't matter to me and wanted divorce. Well, let's just say I straightened up and acted like the wife I know I can be. Don't be selfish.

Ok, you met a month ago! NO! No marriage thoughts yet! You don't know this person and you know it! You need to date for a couple of years before you get married and have kids together. And please don't shack up and have kids out of wedlock! What kind of message is that conveying to your boyfriend and your kids? Don't be a free whore like so many others out there.

Answer 10

1.) Don't sweat the small stuff
2.) Don't be competition with your partner
3.) Always compliment him or her/ say I love you
4.) Never stop holding hands
5.) Never not talk about an arguement
6.) Sometimes swallow your pride
7.) Keep your business between the two of you
8.) Always spend some time apart
9.) Don't quit when times get bad, because they will....
10.) Laugh, alot, and all the time

I am not married by my partner and I have been together 5 years, and it still seems as if we first met...