How do you save a marriage we both love each other but the other one wants out.?

Question

i have tried to save my marriage but my husband wont talk to me to work things out. what do i do? how can i make him see I Love him?

Answer 1

Shelby, this is a tough call. I feel for you, and I can empathize with what you are going through.

First, you need to find out if your husband truly does love you enough to save the marriage. What is his motives for wanting out? has there been infidelity or alienation of affections with another on either's part?

Perfecting your communication between each other is critical right now. You need to both be able to be totally honest with each other ......totally! You need to put all the cards on the table between each other and find the problem. If you both love each other, one would logically ask; "then what's the problem"? This is what needs to be identified.

If he is hurt by something you did, he may need some time and a bit of space for himself. You can save yourself a lot of heartache if you can be patient in this manner, and he will value you more with such an action.

However; you also have to realize nothing is guranteed. He may choose to give up, and you have to prepare yourself for this. However; if you can strike a compromise with him and allow 6 months to work on the marriage "together" which may include counseling or other positive efforts made jointly, this may allow a time to strengthen what sounds like a great vestment of matters of each other's hearts.

What's so sad is that there may be 1000 wonderful things that have taken place between both of you to suggest and support claims of a marriage that should be able to withstand when things don't go well, and sadly; too many people give a problem way to much energy and credence and lose what would be an otherwise wonderful marriage over a problem that could have been saved by effort by both. I think you owe it to each other and the marriage to make such an effort to use the same energy you have utilized to love each other to solve an issue that stands with the capacity to end what appears to me a marriage that should be saved.

Good Luck!

Answer 2

I'm sure you already know that marriage is a partnership. A lot of times in a marriage, the two involved get too comfortable with one another and everything seems to be a reaction rather than have any meaning behind the words any more. Since your husband doesn't want to talk to you about how to work things out, perhaps HE doesn't see that there is a problem to fix or doesn't want to open up that "Can of worms." Try to address one issue at a time, do not try and lump everything together and expect it to get fixed. If communication is a problem then, try to set aside time when it is appropriate and just talk, don't force any issues; just talk as if you two just met and are trying to get to know each other again. Talk about the qualities about him that you fell in love with. keep in mind, most men think, "If it's not broke, don't fix it." So, be specific to what is bothering you and how the two of you together can change it, don't make it one sided, "you need to do this...;" type of conversation. The lack of communication does not discount the TRUE Love that either of you have for each other. If one really does want out then counseling may be a start...Good Luck

Answer 3

Girl,
Is that what you call Love, when someone do not want to talk to you and want to Leave you. It is a lie and do not believe it.
Try romancing him all over again. Leave little Love notes around for him to read . Surprise him with a candle lit dinner. Do not ask him questions just do what you have been doing cooking cleaning washing. Read a book (also the bible)
The best thing you can do is Love yourself. Continue to fulfill your
obligations as a wife without losing yourself your identity or your self esteem. If that don't help, then only God can help in that situation.
You cannot change the man so put some of that energy into changing things about yourself. If you haven't done anything to contribute to this silent treatment, then obviously he has his eye on someone else. That silent treatment is a form of mental abuse.
Don't let him make you feel guilty you do not deserve it. If he want to go let him go.
You should be glad to get rid of that bastard.
He know that he is torturing you and he will use that to drag you down to intimidate you to drain every ounce of energy you have. Live your best life now. Lift your head up and look ahead.
The BEST IS YET TO COME. SET SOME GOALS IN LIFE ,AND WORK HARD TO ACHIEVE THEM.

God bless You.

Answer 4

this is a tough one. you guys have been through a lot together obviously.
I would try to get him to look at some old photos togehter. Sometimes a letter works best. Also, get out of the norm. Do tyhings together. get some kyaks, and go down the river. take him on a hot air balloon ride.
Sounds llike he thinks the grass is greener on the other side, but it won't be. He needs to remember what he loves about you. You need to remember who he fell in love with too!!
A relaltionship wil only work if both people put effort into it everyday. tell him WHAT you like about him. I mean specifics. Like the way he smiles when he really wants to say something, the way his back is so wide and masculine, the freckles on his back, how cute he is when he politley tries to tell you no everytime you ask him to dance, and how you know he will never say yes, but you ask anyways. The way he plays with your hair. How he sits with his legs up everytime he watched TV, no matter what, it is always the same, ect.
You need to make more of an effort, than just trying to get him to talk. have candles lighting up the whole house when he gets home, and just watch old movies together, something he likes!!!

Answer 5

You can do plenty of things to make him see that you love him, but what good will it do if he doesn't love you? You say you both love each other, but if he doesn't want to talk to you or work things out, I say he's NOT in love with you.

I'm sorry you have to go through such a rough time, but you don't have to sign divorce papers if you feel there is something worth fighting for. I'm not sure how it works legally, but maybe you could agree to sign the papers only after he attends a certain amount of marriage counseling sessions with you.

I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you take some time out for yourself to realize that if someone truly loves you, they will make every opportunity to make it work.

Answer 6

If one love and the other doesn't, then that is a problem. You can't force someone to stay if he doesn't want to. He needs to want to stay to save the marriage as you do. You need to find out more from him on what is bothering him. It could be many things why he wants out.

I would consider on reading, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage".

If you say that your husband loves you, then he would stay to work it out with you, but saying and doing are two different things.

Answer 7

1st thing 1st is pray to the GOD. Only He could change the heart. (But do you believe and trust in HIM?)

2ndly. Try to get some helps from his parents.
This is least costly but make sure that they are still alive. Or at least try to find some father figure of him, to talk to him about life and family life.

3rdly. Try to get some professional helps.
This option might cost you a lot and it might be the lastest option to solve your problem. Yet mostly their final solution is divorce since after they got paid, they don't care about your problem anymore because they work for the money, not for your happiness.

4thly. Get yourself ready mentally & financially if he divorced you.
If he won't stay with you anymore and want to divorce you, well, face the fact. He has a right to stay away from someone even that someone love him so (and too) much. I was in his position. It hurted me so bad but I did it for my own goodness (and happiness) and freedom. In this shorty life, the most precious things is free.

So set him free, if he come back to you, then he is yours.

Uhm...i need more information about when it started, why, how, and how many kids do you have?

Answer 8

You need to tell him that you love him but unless you both try to change things then your marriage will be over. He must be left in no doubt that you both cannot continue as you are at the moment. If there is no communication or sharing of feelings it's not a possible to maintain any marriage in the long term

Answer 9

You are in for a lot of pain when the real reason comes out .As his wife you are blinded by the love you have for him.If this was happening to one of your friends you would see what he was doing to her and tell her what to do.Try to see it through someone Else's eyes .Deep down you don't want to no because you don't want to believe your husband could hurt you like this.ALL husbands become someone else when they walk out the front door.Don't ever think you no your husband and what he will or will not do because you don't. My husband moved out on me he told me the very same thing your husband is saying to you .My husband was gone for 2 1/2 years before coming back home. And it was over another woman a co-worker of all things.I did not no this at the time I did not find out until he moved back home that is how good men are at hiding things from their wife.The other woman planted things in his cloths for me to find if not for that I wouldn't of none for sure just why he did move out to Begin with. I hope it doesn't come to what my husband put me through because the pain is unbearable. I'm so sorry for you and what your husband is putting you through. GOOD LUCK AND i HOPE THINGS WORK OUT FOR YOU!

Answer 10

He probably already is well aware you love him.
YOU have to be loved back.
If that is not there, all that is happening is you chasing him around trying to keep him when he wants out.
It sucks, that's for sure.
Obviously you believe your marrage can be saved, but what does he think?
You will have to ask him point blank, "is it over?"
And you will have to deal with the answer, good or bad.
One thing is for sure, sit him down, and get a definate picture of where your marriage is.
You just not sure where you stand right now, and that is just making it worse.