he has a huge debt from his divorce(he chose to give her everything) now i have never been married and saved all my life(36 yrs) and have about 100k.he asked me awhile ago to pay of his debt and i said no and i thought he was ok with it but things have never been the same.he makes digs like"no one ever helped me out i have to take care of myself" i think it was great of him to give his exwife everything for their son but i should not have to "clean up the mess"so to say.am i wrong?
2007-02-13 12:56:16 · 12 answers · asked by doglovers67 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Heavens sakes no your not wrong, sounds like he needs to grow up a little. A man would never ask you to pay his debt. and If he can't get passed you not wanting to pay, Just think what would happen if you did pay and he left you?
2007-02-13 13:07:15 · answer #1 · answered by nancy S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have every right and should say no. Only a complete idiot would pay off someone else's debt. He's looking for a handout and p*ssed off you are in a better financial position but he had a marriage that failed and with that comes a price. God forbid anything happens to your upcoming marriage. If you were to pay off his debts and your marriage not work out, you would be broke. BTW....You my friend need a prenup so that if anything does happen he can not walk away with $50K of that $100K.
Now what you can do to help him is when you both get married your contribution will help him get back on his feet quicker. You might even consider paying more of the bills so that he can make bigger payments towards his debts. Other than that he is on his own as it should be.
Get the prenup girlfriend. Always hope for the best in a marriage, but prepare for the worst.
2007-02-13 13:09:08 · answer #2 · answered by LuvMyGirls 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart you are completely right.
This is your money and you have worked hard for it.
There's no reason you can'y use it for nice things for the both of you, or even as a house deposit or something when you marry (even then i would say get a legal agreement drawn up - you have to be careful).
However - his debts are NOT your responsibility and I think the fact that he has asked you to pay them is horrid. I would be very uncomfortable with that and his attitude since.
If you love this guy and he loves you then you need to sit down and talk about this calmly - just explain that your love for him and your bank balance are two separate issues.
There are other ways you can help him if he would like ie help him to work out a budget so this debt is cleared quickly - or even look at mediation to see if he can pay his wife less as she kept the house etc.
If it's you he wants he will understand.
All the best.
2007-02-13 13:08:16 · answer #3 · answered by Dee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right. You did not create it and he is being a baby about it. Who took care of you? I don't mean to be cruel about this but I found out the hard way. I was married in MD where women are allowed to have separate property from their husbands and it remains that way. We moved to OH which I didn't know was a dower state. Well the house, money, stocks, etc. were all mine. I let him quit working to go back to school. I made the money and paid the bills for years. When we got divorced, I lost it all except my half of the house. Because of the verbal and emotional abuse and the way I had become from it, I had taken loans out on my 401K, had to sell my stock to pay bills he ran up, and was just finally digging us out when I couldn't live with it anymore. I tried to be fair but he never saw that nor what our kids needed. It was all him. I lost my job due to cut backs and he is making the big salary. I don't know that I would have done anything different but I might have been more cautious knowing the state property rules since I really didn't think I was going to get divorced.
2007-02-13 14:28:16 · answer #4 · answered by Margaret K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO!! you are not wrong. They are his debts and he should not have asked you to pay them off for him. If this is the way he acts now, how do you think he will act once you marry him! This is not someone that I would want to be married to, he sounds like a leech!! Don't give in to his request, and take a second look at him before it's to late.
2007-02-13 13:32:12 · answer #5 · answered by Faith 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not wrong! Let me say You Go Girl! That's totally awesome that you've set yourself up financially.
My parents always tell me that when it comes to settling down, I need to find someone who is my equal: education-wise, financiall independence-wise, children-wise, etc. I used to think that those standards were kinda superficial...I was like, "Love is love...". But they are right. When you are serious about someone, having those things in common will help things go smoothly.
I don't want to question your relationship or doubt his motives, but real love would mean that he would deal with the decisions he's made in the past and not burden or guilt-trip you with them. I'm also a bit concerned that he keeps bringing it up. If he asked you to help him and you said no, that should be the end of the discussion. Period. He doesn't need to hassle you about it.
If you do decide to marry him, it's still your money and you should not feel obligated to help him then either.
Good luck with that!
2007-02-13 13:11:49 · answer #6 · answered by YSIC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will be marrying into a black hole. His comments show that he ain't gonna change or improve his own financial situation in preparation to marry you. Whether he is counting on your money to live on or not, only you know.
I applaud you for saving up some money and you should at your age. Your work ethic and financial management are very different so you will have lots of fights about money when married. This is a weak common foundation to build a life on, again for someone at your age. You should be practical.
Life can be tough. We are all responsible for our own selves first and be generous when we can afford it.
2007-02-13 13:14:08 · answer #7 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right, it is your money and you are under no obligation to bail him out for his previous mistakes. He has a hide asking you to do this. Before you go any further with this guy you must be certain that he has a budget and a plan to get himself out of trouble. He really sounds like a spoilt child and you deserve better dear
2007-02-13 13:31:23 · answer #8 · answered by smilingtalker_au 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see red flags everywhere!! He should not be asking you anything about your money and you should no way pay his debts. I recommend you be straight forward with him and be clear you are not going to pay his debt. If he loves you he will respect this. I wish you well.
2007-02-13 13:11:19 · answer #9 · answered by mjohnson1422 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
F*ck no.....this dudes a leech. You better put a death grip on that 100 grand, because if the whiny woe-is-me guy your about to marry is given half a chance he'll take everything you've worked for ------- GUARANTEED.
2007-02-13 13:53:05 · answer #10 · answered by bad_bad_man_16 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋