Love or lust? Is it possible to love someone you don't truely know?
I need some serious advice on this one. I am a married woman who had an affair. My husband and I don't have a sex life and I am a very sexual person. I had an affair with a former co-worker a while back. The problem I am having, is that I feel like I might love this man. I need to stay in my marriage for my children and I do care about my husband. The thing is: he has NO desire for sex. This started at the beginning of our 6 yr marriage. When had a great sex life before we were married. I am not unattractive or unclean. He just says "he has no desire." Anyways, I had this affair. I got busted when this guy's EX wife called my home. (ok, maybe busted is a light term). Since this, I have had him in my mind. Do you guys think this is true love or lust? And do you think it is possible to love someone that you met in such a way? Thanks for all your imput, even the people who are going to rant about my morals, etc.
2007-02-13 12:23:58 · 9 answers · asked by demongelding1@hotmail.com 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Before anyone says that I need to make a decision, I have. I am staying with my husband. I just miss this other man so much. I think I am getting over him and then something just brings my feelings back up.
2007-02-13 12:24:57 · update #1
No, I don't believe it's love. Love takes time. Lust is instant. I believe you are missing this other person for what they represented. Meaning.. he gave you what your husband wasn't able to, and/or didn't want to. It's always a sign, when a couple no longer is sexual. It means that they are no longer emotionally connected. Sex is an expression of closeness. Yes, non-emotional sex can be possible, but not likely especially for someone who is looking for the connection they are missing at home. I don't believe in staying in a relationship for children. Why? Because children who come from a home, that doesn't display a mutual love, and signs of emotional connection realize it's o.k. to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't love you. And, I don't believe that is the right message to send children. It's only my opinion. Have you ever wondered if your husband has his desires filled elsewhere, like you did? I don't know any man, who has a woman at home who wants to have sex that says "no". It's unusual, and suspicious. Usually, when a man doesn't want to have sex is because of guilt. Not necessarily... but it something you may want to consider. If you have no plans to ever leave your husband, then why even think of the other person you have choosen not to persue. That's torture. Caring about someone sometimes means you let them go, so they have a chance to find someone who actually cares about them and wants the same things out of life. (I'm saying this about the two of you... not just you) Good luck.. and if you choose to go outside the marriage again... better luck in finding a man who will not tell his crazy x wife about you. That is another total issue. Why would he ever tell her about you.. and why would she care.?????
2007-02-13 12:46:18 · answer #1 · answered by junebug 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is gay. Have you ever considered that his marriage to you is just homo-flauge. Does he have male friends who seem sweet or help you decorate. Is he a better dresser than you.
Seriously, breaking the vows of your marriage is never ok. If you believe in God, then you know that Adultery is wrong. If he will not make attempts to satisfy his wife, then you must leave him. Divorce is ok according to the Bible, if you divorce because of Adultery. You have already met that requirement. Tell him to satisfy you or you will leave him. This may wake him up. Many men spend their entire lives unsatisfied by their less than sexual wives. You are a sexual being who needs sex. Tell him to give it to you or you will leave him. If he does not accomodate you, then leave him first before finding a new sex partner.
2007-02-13 13:26:58 · answer #2 · answered by Brian 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well i dont really know that much about marriage because although i am married i am very happy. but i must stongly put my point through thsat u must not stay with your husband for the sake of your children thats the worst posible thing to do believe me ive seen many friends and family members do this and it just ends in disaster. just try and think of all the good things about your hudsband and all the good times u have had together and try spicing things up a little like starting a new hobbie together or sprucing up the love life like kinky outfits bludy make him want you girl!! good luck!! xx
2007-02-13 12:32:40 · answer #3 · answered by billabong3@btinternet.com 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you really love this man but he filled a huge void in your life. A very important void. Your husband needs to be checked by a doctor. There could be a medical reason he doesn't desire sex. Good luck to you.
2007-02-13 12:58:38 · answer #4 · answered by mimegamy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that it's OK to have an affair. Not because of your sex live with your husband. It's just OK.
But love for the guy.... no. If you loved him you would be willing to leave you husband.
2007-02-13 12:39:06 · answer #5 · answered by Lebelle 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know staying in it for the kids is not a good idea. My story: I lost the desire for sex with my husband (but it was b/c I felt he was cheating) and I stayed in it for my kids, but as each day went by the more and more I couldn't stand being with him, and we ended up hurting each other b/c our tempers clashed. So if you are not feeling him anymore, get out of it. Now thats for the kids b/c you dont want them to see you hurting.
2007-02-13 14:03:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
it was exciting and something new...just try to write it off as just sex. you might be in love with an IDEA...we all want something new every now and then, but at the end of the day who is the one you wanna be with? staying together for the kids is a bad idea. good luck honey.
2007-02-13 12:32:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
will your husband leave u if you get your needs met elsewhere, needs he will not fill?
i think this is similar reason many men stray, so hard to get what is wanted at home, often easier/possible with another with another.
its hard to go thru life without having these needs met. so, your problem is a tough one. try open discussion wtih your husband. then deside how you will live. good luck.
2007-02-13 12:44:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anon Y 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-02 02:37:34 · answer #9 · answered by empfield 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋