What do you think- leave or not to leave him?

Question

My husband of 11yrs lied about finances and blew out 50,000 dollars without my knowledge. I found out by myself. Initially denied it. I trusted him. We are short on money and thought we had no debt but cannot make up my mind to leave him or not. I am 31 and moving towards a very high paying job and decent looking. I need help to make the decision as its been after a long time. I would appreciate any help. Thank you.

Answer 1

Follow your heart. If you still love him stay cuz if the love is still there then it can most likely be worked out. First things first though. He needs to admit he done wrong and explain himself!

Answer 2

Dishonesty is a big issue and is the one and only reason I left my husband. I always say that money is the devil, it can split up family, friends, and marriages if you let it. If you're struggling with finances, to me, that is not a good reason to break away from your marriage, but if you're struggling with finances and he's the one bringing you down and on top of that, lying to you about where the money is, that's a completely different story. Honey, no one can make the decision for you as to whether or not you should leave, but I would advise to take EVERYTHING into consideration. If he's lying to you this time, will he do it again! If you're moving on to a better job making more money, are you willing to take the chance of him blowing your hard earned money again and then possibly taking the chance of him breaking your heart when he looks into your eyes and tells you he doesn't know anything about it when you confront him? My suggestion to you is to take some time to think about it. Marriage is sacred, but if he's not willing to hold up his end of the bargain by being honest, it will do nothing but get worse. Last but not least, IF you do decide to stay with him, get separate bank accounts, maybe that will help with some of the problems! Best of luck to you and I hope you make the right decision.

Answer 3

One of the things I noticed in your Q was the omittance of loving him more than everything!
A relationship where a man who is so detached from his wife, and wife that is detached from her husband, that he can "blow" 50 large without much notice has major problems!
I am surely not pointing fingers but your man should be about you! If the majority of his free time and money is not being spent on the two of you having a good time together, you need to thank God for the fact that you are just hitting your prime as a woman!
It is the lying thing that really is the "Red Flag" for me though. It takes premeditated effort to have kept you from knowing about the money. And unfortunately, although he may still love you....he does not respect you!!!!! And that's what you deserve....first and foremost.....respect! And then lots of good lovin' after that!!! :)

I think you already know what you are going to do...and you are right!
My advice to you is.... 'Set yourself up before you let him know that you are unhappy! Bank, where you will live, cell phone...all of that stuff! I say this because you may not really know the man you married! He will try to talk you out of it....or he may go phsyco!...lets hope not! But be as clandestine as you can. In 11 years all you have to say about your husband is....what???
Have a great life girlfriend...wish I met you myself!

Good Luck!

Answer 4

That is alot of money to waste and for no good reason. Are you sure he spent it all on gambling? Or did he stash most of it so he'd have it if he decides to leave you? Many possibilities here.

I get a legal separation immediately, file for divorce, and i'd take him to the cleaners. There is no reasonable excuse for him doing such a stupid thing.

I gamble alot too, but even i set a limit when doing so.

Sounds as if you have a level head on your shoulders, and could go far in your career. So although it may be difficult to do it, divorce may be the best for you.

Answer 5

see what the reason for blowing all the money is. he should have told you. that's A LOT of money. he's just using you for the high cash. but you need something a little bit more than money to end a marriage that long. get seperate bank accounts.

Answer 6

Why did he lie to you? Does he have a gambling problem? Drugs? Have you thought about counselling? Will you regret it if you just walk away from your marriage without trying to work it out? I think you should try to save your marriage before you jump into divorce, if you still can't work it out at least you'll know you tried. Good luck.

Answer 7

Sweety your better off by yourself anyway. I mean if you look good and have a great paying job. Who needs someone to slow you down. You can certainly do better. you only live once and if you waste away another 11 years you will be kicking yourself wishing you'd listen to us.

Answer 8

Maybe you need to get your own bank account and make sure he has no way of getting to the money. I hate liars so, you may not get a good response from me. He needs to let you know how he is going to get this money back. You could always sell something of his and not say anything...it would be a start in getting the money back.

Answer 9

depends HOW be blew "your" joint money?
on gambling, women or what? but, he LIED......so there goes your trust.....
get to the bottom of it or give us more details.....you sound like an intelligent, strong woman who could get along just fine on your own......so, you DO NOT NEED HIM......nuff said.

Answer 10

no dont leave him if there is any way to work things out do it. especially if you love each other, I have been trying to save my marriage we both love each other and it would be a shame to divorce when there is still love there so work things out.