This is an ex of mine. She refuses to talk to me anymore. We were close and her lies and crazy impulse behavior made us fight all the time. I didn't know she had BPD but after reading what the symptoms are I'm 99% sure she has it. She shows all the behavior patterns and symptoms. I'd like to know is it normal for people with BPD to cut people who are close to them off indefinitely or is it just for a short period of time (couple months)? I don't want her to be out of my life for good. So is she just needing a break or will I never hear from her again?
Side Note: We have some mutual friends.
2007-02-13 10:59:53 · 6 answers · asked by warharan 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I'm wondering if someone who has dealt with someone who has or themselves have BPD would know if reactions of cutting off people very close to them (people who care about them) is just a temporary thing when things are most stressful for them, or are they that cold hearted to just let special people in their lives go just like that?
2007-02-13 11:10:03 · update #1
I'll add that it's been about 3 weeks of no contact. I presume she's doing her own things, working, hanging out with other friend's etc. She isn't so extreme so not to go to work for days or start yelling for no reason, she just would make outrageous lies, be way too overly secretive/shady about things, say "I love you" this week and next week say she doesn't. She's very indecisive and a bit moody and acts on impulse. Drinks too much, makes stupid decisions and regrets them the next day.
2007-02-13 11:49:53 · update #2
I was a psych nurse for over 10 years. My advice is to let your X go because she will only provide crazy making.
BPD has no shades of gray or middle lines, everything & everyone is either a devil or angel. It can flip on a dime. It is extremely exhausting. Just when you think it's safe, it will change. You won't even know what happened.
People with BPD have no sense of boundaries, in other words she feels she can cross the line with you. They have no sense of trust & no matter how good you are it will never be good enough. They constantly send mix messages...I want you, please don't leave, then go away, then see you left me.
You'll hear from her again but only when she needs something & when she can control you.
It's not a pretty picture...Find a healthy girl.
2007-02-13 11:11:05 · answer #1 · answered by ♣Hey jude♣ 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Those affected by BPD are always in one of two modes: (1) overwhelming engulfment where they push you away which is where your ex is right now; or (2) feelings of abandonment where they need you close by for security. If this woman is your ex I would leave it that way because she is most likely incapable of a healthy relationship and the vicious cycle of the engulfment/abandonment thing will never end. If anything, the behaviors will become more pronounced. I had a relationship with a woman with severe BPD and it turned my life upside down and almost killed me. I was under the mistake impression that I, unlike all the other guys in her life present and past, could be the knight in shining armor and "rescue" her. Not so. Both ends of the behavior spectrum became so radical it was unbearable. For example, when she was in the abandonment mode at the end, she insisted I not go to work or leave her alone. She would stay in the house and sometimes in bed for days. Then, all of a sudden, everything changed and I was the biggest #@$*&^%$#@
in the world. We could be in a restaurant and she would jump up screaming "get him away from me" and the cops would show up and escort me out - for NO REASON. Then she would disappear for days and hook up with other men I found out later. I got to the point where I HAD to get out of this poisonous relationship and she sensed it. She got in her BMW and drove over a 200 ft cliff at 120 mph and ended it all. That was 13 years ago and I am just now getting over it enough to even consider another relationship. Steer clear of her. Trust me. I have done much reading and research to help me heal and I know there is most likely no hope and many of them end in suicide.
2007-02-13 11:35:19 · answer #2 · answered by Mon-chu' 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People with borderline personality disorder are very hard to deal with. They must be medicated. They sometimes show traits of one disorder then at other times another disorder. This is very hard to live with. If she can become stabilized with medications and talk therapy she can live a some what normal life. Most Borderline Personality Disorders are very self centered. Be careful diagnosing her yourself she should be observed by a professional a Psychiatrist or Psychologist.And then proper medications and therapy prescribed.To be given a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder one must display at least three different personality disorders. Some people with M.P.D. have been miss diagnosed as well as Bipolar people as being Borderline Personality Disorder.
2007-02-13 11:16:08 · answer #3 · answered by Pamela V 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would say temporary, because her problems have more to do with herself than with you. Who knows, she may even be on drugs.
2007-02-13 11:03:29 · answer #4 · answered by Kk 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
dont be friends
2007-02-13 11:02:47 · answer #5 · answered by youjrys 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
she could very well be done with you.
2007-02-13 11:03:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋