Out of the blue (in my eyes), things started going downhill. I thought we had an amazing relationship (including our families - and even he would say so!) until he exploded back in Sept,saying he needed a break. (ps - depressed and bipolar). I suspected an affair, but he brainwashed me into thinking the problems we were having were all bc of me.I know I am not perfect,but I vowed to work on my insecurities to strengthen our relationship. We have been together for 11 years,married for 3,and have a beautiful 10 month old. I did everything I could to fix things. He decided he wanted a divorce in December,yet I still wanted things to work because I am truely in love with him. I haven't been able to let go, but I know I have to now.I caught him this weekend in a hotel with her. I KNOW I have to get over this to move on,even though I still love him.I asked him to leave so that I can move on,but he won't bc of our daughter. There is still a part of me that doesn't want to lose him??? Help!
2007-02-13 10:46:56 · 31 answers · asked by k8tk 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
How can I get him to leave? He claims that he won't leave because he doesn't want to "abandon" his daughter or sacrifice any rights with custody. I told him he already has done enough to lose some rights to her (with his irresponsibly behavior). I asked "so you won't abandon your daughter but its okay to abandon your wife?" He won't leave - and part of me doesn't want him to, but its too difficult for me to heal with him in the house. Is there anything I can do to make him leave?
2007-02-15 13:13:44 · update #1
Go to court and get an Order to Vacate. You`ve sacrificed enough, now its his turn.
2007-02-21 01:28:48 · answer #1 · answered by MISTY 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry to hear your situation. He must leave. He cant have his cake and eat it and thats what hes doing. But you must'nt throw your daughter into this, your using her as a way of pulling his heart strings and you must'nt - thats why he wont leave as hes afraid of loosing her. You must be strong and tell him he can still see her and arrange a set up that suits you both. He is torturing you by staying around thats not fair, if he dos'nt love you anymore and wants somebody else then he must move out - or what about you? Is it possible for you to move somewhere else with your daughter? Even if its to a family member for a short while to give you some distance from him? I think once maybe you tell him and arrange with him that he can still be in your daughters life he may go anyway. Hes really mean especially as he must know how your feeling. What an ars**ole after all that time together he wont even let you get over your relationship! Why some men think the grass is greener i'll never know!
2007-02-19 23:15:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is going through a mid-life crisis. Maybe you went through some hormonal changes and gained some weight after having the baby and let your intimacy with him go 'by the wayside' because you don't feel good about your appearance? He is wrong for having an affair, but 11 years is a long time to be in love just to watch it go down the tubes. You have to decide if you love him enough to forgive him and fight for your relationship. If you do and you want to work on your relationship, try to get him to go to counseling with you.
If he really does want the divorce then I suggest you go ahead and FILE THE PAPERS and use the law to MAKE HIM MOVE OUT. Your 10 month old daughter isn't going to know the difference between him living there or him living somewhere else, so that is a lame excuse he is giving you! Good luck honey. I'm sorry for what you are going through. Find your happiness in your baby girl!
2007-02-13 11:01:59 · answer #3 · answered by StrawberryShortcake 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
First, you can't change how your husband feels. You can't be in a marriage by yourself. The part of you that doesn't want to lose him may be the part of your that is afraid to confront the future without him. Is it possible that you're confusing love with the comfort of what you know?
Call an attorney and file for legal separation and custody of your child. Position yourself and prepare for divorce. You can't deal with his issues of being bipolar and depressed, only he can do that.
Finally, find a therapist who can help you transition into a new life, and figure out why it is YOU had to change and not the both of you. Find out what it is about this relationship, in it's present shape, that's beneficial to you. Keep in mind that he's not leaving because of your daughter, but because he apparently his new love isn't necessarily welcoming him to live with her. He's keeping one foot in the door for security reasons. That's not good enough.
2007-02-13 11:30:46 · answer #4 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His 'not leaving' could be for a number of reasons. One, he might want to stay because he wants to be there for his daughter, and keep the perception of "family" intact for her. Two, it could be for legal reasons, so that he is not viewed as an "abandoning parent." Some parents, dads especially, are advised by legal counsel to stay in the house as long as they can. If you feel this is the case, I would consult an attorney to see what your options are. Most attorneys will meet with you for a free consultation. Just have a list of questions you'll want to ask before you go in there.
Good luck to you.
2007-02-20 08:14:12 · answer #5 · answered by Kevin H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him if he wants a divorce he has to file, and if he will leave the home, you will make the custody exchanges easy. He is her father, after all, custody may be easier anyway, chances are the new woman won't want to be burdened taking care of the daughter. It was easy to play house with him, because you took care of the responsibilities. Make it hard on her, play nice to him.
2007-02-20 02:16:01 · answer #6 · answered by pitmanette 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in the big girl world now, and you have to take charge. Get over his cheating butt, kick him to the curb, and give yourself time to heal. I promise you this is the best thing for your child first and foremost and the best thing for you as well. Yes it's hard, but many of us have been through this and if you don't do something rather quickly, you will turn on all men. Don't let that happen.
Let the skank have him....maybe he'll get back what he's done to you.
Best of Luck
2007-02-17 16:38:49 · answer #7 · answered by Kbear 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wait until he's gone, pack all of his things and put them into storage and give him the key to it. Go to your lawyer and file for divorce for adultery, abandonment and irreconcilable differences. Tell them you want alimony and child support. It's not gonna get better, he will only get worst. You have to let him go. Let him get out and stay with his wh0re. He just want the both of you. He has already abandon his child when he couldn't or didn't provide a stable home for them. Oh and don't forget to have all the locks changed on the doors and put locks on all of the windows.
2007-02-18 20:09:12 · answer #8 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Play along and catch him in the act with a video. File for divorce on grounds of adultery and have him removed. He knows he has you over a barrel because you love him. He won't stop. Love yourself enough to be treated with dignity cause he's gonna take that too. Once a cheat, always a cheat.
2007-02-18 13:55:12 · answer #9 · answered by #1 saints fan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if the only reason he won't leave is because of the child it is no reason to stay. u can make him leave, file for divorce, he obviously is still seeing her and will continue to do so, so why invest anymore Into this relationship? where else is there to go with this marriage? if u have truly done everything there is. why go through years of him cheating on u when u could just easily get out of it now?
2007-02-13 10:56:21 · answer #10 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce him, take him for everything he has or will ever make, don't give him visitation rights. Make him understand cheating on wife comes with a price. He doesn't get free ride from wife and girlfriend. Girlfriend doesn't get free ride from him while he has a child to support. If he still wants to hang around get a restraining order and have him locked up.....maybe he'll find a new girlfriend in jail.
2007-02-13 11:12:55 · answer #11 · answered by Gunny Bill 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋