Is this cheating?

Question

Hello all. I could really use your imput on something. I want to describe a situation I have been in and ask what scale you think it is on. Please rate this cheating on a scale of 1 to 5.
1= Bad as can be. He should have left.
2=Bad, but something that can be worked out.
3= Cheating, but not that bad
4= Pretty minor problem. He shouldn't feel hurt
5= It was nothing at all, not really even cheating.
Ok. I was working out of town. I started being close friends w/ a male co-worker. First one night we met outside his second job. He kissed me. I didn't really kiss him back. One day a few months later, I went to his house. We started making out heavily. We got in bed. Not to be to graphic here..."it" only happened for a couple seconds...we were interrupted. My husband called my cell phone. I left there. When I got home (it is a 1/2 drive to his house), his EX wife (certifiably nuts) found out, called and told my husband. BUSTED! I have not seen this other guy since. continued...

My husband forgave me. I want to stay in my marriage, but still have strong feelings for this other man. Leaving my husband is not an option.....I am confused. What do you all think, please be honest. I am 26 and have been married for 6 yrs. I also want to add that my husband has been witholding sex almost our whole marriage and really is kind of a jerk. (no excuse, i know)

As far as to why he has been withholding, I don't know. He was a 24 year old virgin when I met him and has never had a sex drive...ever. I am not unattractive and have no hygiene issues, etc. I am not a nag or a mean person to him. He says that he doesn't feel like sex. He is not my first and i have had under 8 partners. I enjoy it and have in my past...

thank you for the health advice, but aids is not an issue in this situation. I am just asking for advice. I don't expect to like everything I hear. I know that i messed up...I just want some imput. Thanks, guys.

Answer 1

Well I think that maybe the reason for your actions is maybe because he ain't fulfilling your sexual needs as a man should for a women. And for him to with hold sex from u and u guys are married it should make u wonder. I would wanna know why he wouldn't want sex. I mean lets be honest what straight man u know wouldn't want sex. In the case that he took u back after the mistake could be of one or two reasons. He could love you that much to forgive u and give u that second chance, cause u are his wife. Or he could of done it him self so he doesn't fill so bad hes pretends to be OK with it. And as far as his ex wife calling all the time, u have to remember they were married and he was probably her best friend. Or she could still be in love with him if she made it a point to call and tell him about it, cause it was you guys business not hers. Relationships can be crazy. So I think the thing to do is think hard on what u really want and go from there. Do what your heart really wants

Answer 2

I would say, it's a 1 - unless you and your husband had a prior agreement that being that you're not having sex in your marriage it was ok for you to seek it elsewhere and not tell him. Then it would be a 5 - agreement is agreement. I don't really know about you and your husband... I personally kind of assume that when I marry someone it means giving up certain things, including sexual intercourse with other people; it doesn't matter what my marriage is like, and what my sex life is like; as long as I am bound by a promise to this other person, I don't feel it's "right" to go seek sex elsewhere. End of story. Figure out what you want to do; if you feel like this marriage doesn't work for you - then be honest, and divorce him; there's nothing wrong with admitting you have made a mistake. If someone wants to look down on you for being honest and asking for divorce - screw them; doesn't matter what they think. Next time, make sure BEFORE marriage that you have most of the important things covered. If sex is important - don't marry a person with no libido. Yes, you have to be honest with your husband - but most of all, you have to be honest with yourself. How are you planning to handle this problem in your marriage? Is it always going to be by running off to "get it on the side"? If so, it is going to make your marriage dysfunctional, and is simply not fair to yourself or your husband. Stay in the marriage only if you can honestly say that this is a shortcoming that you're willing to accept in your partner. Good luck.

Answer 3

Well, cheating is cheating. The question is, what drove you to cheat? What are you lacking in your marriage that would have even allowed your mind to go there...much less your body. You say that leaving your husband is not an option...if that is the case, then I would recommend you forget about this guy and focus on your husband. Why is he withholding sex??? That just doesn't make sense. He actually should take partial ownership in the fact that there is a 'problem' with the marriage, not just that you cheated. After years of experience, I have come to realize that it definitely takes two...two to make it work or two to screw it up. If you have hope, and your husband is willing, work on that and go from there. You have needs, as does your husband, so you might just figure out what those are and focus on each other. Good luck to you! ;-)

Answer 4

You don't say how your husband felt about this?
There are open marriages where everything else works great, but one partner has no sex drive and doesn't mind if the more normally sexed partner steps out to get what they want on occasion. If he's upset, and expects you to be faithful, then you have a big problem and if he isn't willing to see a doc to get some hormone testing or a therapist to work out whatever is causing his low sex drive.. I don't see much hope for the marriage.
BTW, a couple of seconds, or hours, it's all the same.

Answer 5

I think that it sucks that your husband's ex was the one that told him, I think that made the situation even worse. The blow wouldn't hve beeb as bad if you had the chance to come clean to him yourself. I know exactly what it's like to be in a marriage when there is no intamacy. I got married when I was 20 and got divorced when I was 25. The same thing happened to me. My husband cheated on me. I think that if he has forgiven you then he doesn't think that it was bad enough to end your marriage. I think it would be considered a 3. You just have to decide now whether your feelings for this other man are worth your marriage. I hope this helps, good luck.

Answer 6

the answer is number 1. you still want this other guy you think you havent cheated you are lying to yourself are you are stupid.you are not doing your husband any favors by staying he may be ajerk but when you are married or in a relationship there is supposed to be a commitment and faithfullness.get some help and get out. also have you heard of aids? you have been very careless and you may pay the price if you are not careful.get tested and in the future if you dont already remember to always practice safe sex.

Answer 7

I would give your actions a "1". I feel as though divulging emotional information about your relationship to someone of the opposite sex is cheating. Willingness to cheat or wanting to be with someone you are not involved with says, at the very least, that there is a problem in your relationship that you are unwilling to work out. Kind of a problem, in my mind, for a "committed" relationship. I know this is not what you might want to hear, but I think your hubby is also enabling your behaviour by staying with you and I truly feel he should have left you.

Answer 8

I would say 2. Since your husband forgave you, it might be an indication that he wants to work things out and your tryst was a wake up call. See a marriage counselor as soon as possible. As for the other guy, it will take time for your feelings to level out. Don't rush it. It will get better with time. Many blessings.

Answer 9

you cheated and no question there but why is you husband with holding sex dose he have a health problem? and why would you put your self in a position to think about another man if you are married? figure out whats more important and what you want more a life with you husband or a one night stand that what you had with that other guy.

Answer 10

Response #1.

Witholding sex, you say. Sounds like he has issues. Might want to explore that!!! As his wife, I'd say it's your duty to help him in that area.

Unfortunately, YOUR actions have probably opened up a new dimension to the issues he's already experiencing regarding sex. He says he forgives you, but I assure you he's hurt, bad.

You're fooling around with this othe fella and wondering why your husband won't touch you. Real smart.