Am i out off order looking for a new lover?

Question

I am married man, and i love my wife, but i know she does not love me, i have tryed on many occasions to relight the flame but she keeps blowing it out.
We have been married for 7 years we have a son who is 4 years old and he has Cystic Fibrosis, and he is now the only reason i am still with her, i know its not right but i dont want to miss out on his life, as it will be short, i feel as i should find happieness for my self somewere elts, but im in a catch 22 situation, find love for myself, and miss his childhood, or stay in a love less marrage,
Please can i have some good advice

Answer 1

how do you know she does not love you has she said?
if she has then you have answered your own question. but first, if she has not said she does not love then there is hope. she is very stress out and very involved in looking after your sick son. this takes up a lot of her time and physical and emotional energy looking after him. she is not going to feel very lovey dovey towards you with so much going on. but it does not mean she does not love you. Try to talk to her. spend time finding out what she really wants. if she does not want you then you know the answer and then you got to do want is best for the both of you.
i know you said in you question that you tried to relight the flame and that is great but how did you do that, did you listen to her?
you can still be apart of your sons life even if you split with your wife. your wife will need your help with care, alot of help. you will be part of his childhood even if you split with your wife. Do have a long talk with your wife and i hope everything works out for the best for you and your wife and son.

Answer 2

Your wife knows she does not love you, yet you both stay together for the sake of your son. You could both split amicably and still see your son everyday. There is no reason why you couldn't. Your wife could be thinking the same thing about the relationship, staying with you for your sons sake, an arrangement can be sorted and your son will still be priority in both your lives. Loveless marriages can be soul destroying, it could be putting pressure on your son too and what if he finds out that his parents are holding back just for him? This guilt could hurt him.
You and your wife should go to Relate, even if you both know you want to split up but still be there for your son, Relate should be able to help draw up plans or talk you both through what is the best decision regards custody.
Don't live in a loveless marriage, it's not good for any of you.

Answer 3

I also have a child with cystic fibrosis, and a marriage that often feels like it is sinking under the weight. I can't tell you what decision to make for yourself, but here are some random thoughts for you to toss around.

1. If you are going to stay married legally, you need to stay married in your heart - be faithful, be honest, and nurture your marriage as diligently as you nurture your child.
2. A lack of romance doesn't mean a lack of love.
3. In marriage, as in life, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
4. To rekindle the flame, try dating... your wife! To rebuild your intimacy, you may need to start over again at the beginning, and that means revisiting the activities that you and your wife enjoyed together when you first met.

My husband and I have discussed the fact that we don't always feel love for each other anymore, and I have told him that I considered leaving him. We both know that it is our love for our daughter that is keeping us together, and we are in therapy together. The grief and anger that we feel because of cystic fibrosis is often directed at each other, and we make each other's pain worse from not having anything good left to give. But every now and then, I remember that he is a wonderful man whose company I really enjoy, and I believe that our love (and romance!) will be as strong as ever someday. I hope that it will be the same for you.

Answer 4

Talk to her you could live together and yet not be romantically together if you wnat to be active in your sons life. if your staying a loveless marraige and then affairs come into play arguments can arise and your son would be unhappy whcih im sure you wouldnt want. It will be a long and hard conversation but explain your feelings explain your love to your son and how you dont wnat to leave and miss out on things and get her opinion on the realtionship and where it is going . Come to a mutual agreement and you will avboid the arguments the torment and you can stand on the same moral ground as her. If you dont love someone why be romantically attached to them go behind her back just tell her.

Answer 5

aw.. well i think for your child's sake you should stick around a bit longer.. but you should also be honest with your wife. Tell her that you dont feel like she loves you anymore and see if theres something you can do to fix that.. she may have answer for you.
Either way, your kid needs you more than you need a new lover right now, so def stay there.. youll have plenty of time to get a divorce and find someone else later on..
HOWEVER, if the lovelessness of your marriage is interfering with this child's happiness and well-being, then maybe, for his sake, its better that you two are apart...
go with your gut...

Answer 6

Whoa there. There's the kid and there's your marriage. They are related but not the same thing. Your prime complaint seems to be that your wife won't stay lit. Time for you two to go to counseling together.

All that I hear you saying is "I'm not happy, so run away, run away, run away". If you find a new lover and the problem all along was YOU, then you will be twice as unhappy. Out of the frying pan and into the fire.

Answer 7

having myself been a child of a loveless marriage, i was so much happier once my parents had a divorce. my mum was so much more relaxed and happier and so was my dad. i spent my time between both of them. they both stayed good friends and if any of us kids (there were 5 of us) were upset or hurt they would both rush to be by our side regardless. what you need to think about is do you want your son growing up with two parents who dont love each other. im sure hes an intelligent lad, kids know when something isnt right. maybe it would be better and kinder in the long run for him and yourself and your wife if you both agree to seperate. as long as he knows you both love him just as much and as long as you stay friends and keep it amicable theres no reason why he cant be just as happy. it may take him time to adjust to begin with. but in the long run it would benefit him too.
I hope you manage to sort this out in whatever way is best for all 3 of you.

Answer 8

Maybe it is time to be honest with your wife? You have tried to make things work, if you don't love each other then it will only get worse.
Talk to her, if it true that she does not love you then she might understand. Just do it before you go looking for a lover or you might lose your son when your wife finds out.

Answer 9

your wife is always going to be in your life because you have a child together. my parents are in a loveless marriage right now, and all i want them to do is get a divorce. being a daughter, it's hard for me to witness a relationship that i think should be full of happiness but it isn't. i think if it'll make you happy, you should put yourself out there and find a new love. but ALWAYS keep your son number one on your list of priorities.

Answer 10

Work on your marriage love - getting a lover will solve nothing in the end. All you'll do is wreck what you have with your wife and child. It can't be easy for her either - try talking things through - best of luck xxx