Do you have experience with infidelity and how did you get over the hurt?

Question

My husband keeps telling me how sorry he is to have hurt me but this is so big. I feel I'm in mourning for the marriage I thought I had. I don't want to keep rubbing his nose in it, truly want to get past it but I'm so crushed it's destroying me. He says he loves me and nobody could love me more. But he drove past our house for years going to strip clubs, faked business trips & had escorts come to his room, the family money he squandered, the time that should have been for us...I kept being the perfect wife putting up with the emotional neglect because I thought he just didn't know what he had and would see my love and reciprocate. It was only when I investigated phone calls and bank account and even talked to the stripper whose number was all over his cell phone that he came clean. He kept denyed it until I told him I had spoken with her & said her name. Then he thanked me for being so decent. I don't want to hurt the children but my heart is broken, crushed, ripped out of me.

Answer 1

leave him, you are much better without him. Your children can have both of you, just not together. I would never be able to forgive all of that, no woman could. I'm sorry, thats a lot to handle and deal with. You sound like a terrific lady and mother, don't lose yourself. Get out now, and find a real man. I'm sorry but he is a loser, and your self esteem will just continue to die if you stay

Answer 2

It is very easy for people to say leave him and I probably would of been one to say that a year ago until it actually happen to me. The husband felt remorseful, there are kids involved and you do love the guy and have a history with him. The only way to get through this is to think of it as a "for better or worse" moment in the marriage and really to make sure he does feel really bad about it and will do whatever it takes now to earn your trust back and also go to a Christian Marriage Counselor that will focus on morals and the commitment of marriage. It is a hard thing to deal with but with the right help you two can make it and maybe end up with a better than ever marriage.

Answer 3

I know what you feel. I am so sorry for your pain. -big hug-

It's been 2 1/2 years now, and it still hurts. He was sorry and I decided to forgive and stay together. You just get used to the hurt. I always wonder if I should have left. I don't know if I did the right thing. You still want to love him, but hate him at the same time.

Perhaps for your own sake, you should visit your gyn. and be tested for any STD's. I would not be intimate with him, you could get something, or maybe already have something.

The kid thing is stuff, but if your husband behaves like that, you wouldn't want your kids picking up on any of that.

I wish you the best of luck and hope you can make a decision you can live with. Just remember, there are people who love you out there who can help you in times like this.

Answer 4

Wow, why are you still with this person? He is a user and an abuser. No matter how much he apologizes. Anyone can say that they are sorry. But you can see the kind of person he is through his actions.
You wanna know what I did to get over the hurt. I smashed his 150.00 dollar cell phone then slept with a male friend of mine. He moved out the next day. I know two wrongs don't make a right and revenge isn't the best advice. But man, did I ever feel better. I haven't been this happy in a long time. I'm finally free of him. Leave. The hurt will go away, eventually. Don't put up with it anymore. You know you deserve better. Good luck.

Answer 5

Its been two years and still not completely over it. Still having trust issues. Sex isn't the same. Before I was wanting it all the time now its like whatever. I try not to bring it up but you can't help but to think what did I do wrong, what could I have done to keep that from happening. But the way I look at it is, I'm here for the kids they are my everything. If it works good, if not so be it. It did feel like she had died. My world had stopped for that one day. Its better now and I know it will get better. But I'm not sure that it wont happen again. Time is the only thing that will cure this. Even with all the counseling, time is what you need. Like I said its been two years and it still hurts to think about it. good luck

Answer 6

This is so very hard. My husband slept with my brothers wife. This went on for six months, I got very depressed, couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't think, everytime I confronted them they made me out to be the crazy one, all I wanted was for them to end this relationship, we have two wonderful kids and my brother also has children. He visited her every day and always told other people he was just stopping by to see our nieces and nephews, but I knew this was a lie, it was so hard to look at her whenever we had to go to family functions, I just wanted her gone and I love my husband so much I couldn't even think of leaving him. After it was finally over we spent many a day and night working through this hurt and pain. I some how think we are now stronger because of it, but some days the hurt still lingers on. If you really love him, then bury all of those feelings and memories very deep and re-discover your husband and help him to re-discover you and by all means work very hard on this, cause when it comes down to it the next guy could very well turn out to be the same and your kids will be the victims in this whole mess, keep your family together for their sakes, if he needs you to be like these woman take a striptease class, or run away to a hotel just for the afternoon, spice things up a little, you'll find what brought you both together in the first place. Good luck and hang in there.

Answer 7

have you ever not in any respect jumped over a line and then tried to bounce lower back notwithstanding it become too late? If she defined it, responded all of your questions actual, and has worked to earn your persevered affection, then what more beneficial would you ask of her? Love her or go away her yet do not save beating her up (or your self) over some thing that in all likelihood will not in any respect take position lower back. If she is sexually eco-friendly, she would have purely made a nasty decision and now is able to pass on with you. EDIT: you assert you've forgiven her, yet you're right here asking the question. Forgiveness would not inevitably contain "forgetting", yet in case you'll live to inform the tale this, you opt for to positioned it in a field on the properly shelf of your ideas and "enable it pass". Forgiveness isn't a hand-crafted ring- it truly is an acknowledgment of a mistake and a organic act of love in the route of the fellow inquiring for redemption. If she somewhat derserves it, then supply it freely and pass on inclusive of your lives at the same time.

Answer 8

this is far more serious to have to deal with than just some one night stand. it involves many years of betrayal, so it is going to take alot longer. also he kept lying about what he did to u and only came clean after he knew u knew. maybe your not getting over it because he hasn't accepted responsibility for the hurt he caused u, maybe he doesn't have a high level of remorse, just coming clean with it doesn't insure forgiveness. your not going to trust his words or his promises, only his actions. your probroly afraid to invest and trust again, it isn't that u don't want the marriage back but it's just u want to avoid hurt. marriage counciling may be the answer, because u will be able to adress your hurt, talk about it, hear his response to it, and hopefully heal from it. but it is a bad thing to have to try and get past, especially that it continued so long. u thought your marriage was one way and when u found out it wasn't like u thought it was a big shock to u, and it does take time and will need therapy.

Answer 9

Well,

If he's worth it you now have to get over it.

Nothing much left for him to do but be loyal. If he is loyal and decent and he should be ready to live with you will trust and verify what he is up to for the rest of his life, otherwise he's not truly accepted his consequences.

Your kids will be thankful if you can find a way to keep their father. Yes you will need to be the bigger person but that is your call and burdon if you choose to accept it. The burdon requires that you get past it and that you be a good lover, mother, and wife. As far as your heart goes, you have to tell it to grow up and get over it -- you can take a lot of pride in that and in being the bigger person and in doing the right thing for your children. But if you can't don't put the two of you through, you more then have every reason to put him to the curb.

Good Luck

Answer 10

Wow-you are a good lady. I would be in jail right now if this was me. lol! Anyway, I think you deserve better. Why? Because he's not remorseful. He's only sorry he was caught. Otherwise, the affairs and the money spending on hookers would still be happening right now if you kept pretending as if nothing was happening behind your back. I think you know what to do-there are tons of single moms in the world now-you can do it too. Don't be scared. YOU need to be happy. I guarantee that his addiction will not change any time soon. Good luck.