I was raped about 3-4 months ago, but this weekend I'm going to visit my boyfriend of 5 months and I told him that I didn't want to have sex again ( i had it with my previous boyfriend) until I was married. What's a good way to keep it that way and not give in?
2007-02-13 08:43:10 · 16 answers · asked by collegeboundblonde1287 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What does the rape have to do with your boyfriend? I am sorry that you had to go through that ordeal, but chosing not to have sex is a good thing, though. What became of your attacker?
2007-02-13 14:56:58 · answer #1 · answered by Special K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, I am sorry to hear you were raped, and I hope they catch the piece of lowlife who did this to you.
Second, get help, counselling, therapy whatever you need to work through this, because no matter how strong you think you are you should not be facing recovery alone.
As for sex, obviously it will take time to heal and have a normal relationship again, regardless of you marital status.
I don't know what kind of person your boyfriend is, but if he truly cares for you, he will wait and support you till you are ready to re-enter a sexual relationship. Make sure you are not withholding sex just because you are traumatized by the rape, and not by your belief system. You need to take active measures with regards to your recovery, otherwise, your issues will not go away even if you are married. You need to get better.
Best of luck, my prayers are with you.
2007-02-13 17:05:16 · answer #2 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry about what happened to you. I think, the best way to keep it your way is to 1) Be convinced that this really is the best thing for you to do, and 2) Find a person who respects this conviction.
If you're not sure it's the right thing for you, but you keep fighting with yourself and try to follow a dogma without conviction - it might lead to burnout and disappointment, and you will miss out on fulfilling relationships. If you really feel that this is a good decision, but the person you're with does not respect this boundary - it is not a good relationship to be in; think of finding someone else. Not every person will want to wait til you're "ready" - and that's fine; you just have to look for someone compatible.
2007-02-13 17:05:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm impressed that you overcome adversity so easily. Good for you!
There is no easy way but you asked what a "good" way is. The honest answer would be not to spend the night in the same bed. I think the temptation is going to be too hard to resist. Especially if you've both had sex before. That makes it so much easier to do it again.
2007-02-13 16:47:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is your reason for not wanting to have sex? is it because you were raped? If so get counseling....are you scared of what to expect during sex that you'll have thoughts of the rape? Work all of this out for yourself but withholding sex will make him suspicious since he knows you willfully had sex with your previous boyfriend. Take it slow but face whatever is bothering you and share it with him. So he'll feel a part of your life and you just aren't shutting him out.
2007-02-13 16:57:15 · answer #5 · answered by Cyn 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does he know what happened to you? I think you might want to discuss this with him at some point. I would also seek out counseling. I don't think you should have sex unti you are ready, and if that is going to be only when you are married, it is your decision and should be respected. I do think you should talk to a therapist though, just so you can have some peace with all of this.
I am so sorry this happened to you.
2007-02-13 16:51:21 · answer #6 · answered by kalea_kane 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't put yourself in a situations that could lead to sex. No bedrooms alone, car rides to secluded spots... you know the drill. Good for you, hold on to your decision and know that the man who respects this is the one who loves you and is not after just one thing.
2007-02-13 16:57:39 · answer #7 · answered by Get it Together 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he cares about you he will understand your situation. Just try not to put yourself into a situation that could lead to something you aren't ready for..i.e. laying down in bed with him or something like that. Just stay level headed(no alcohol) and have a good time.
Good Luck
2007-02-13 17:20:32 · answer #8 · answered by kfsl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him your situation and he probably won't bug you about it.
If he's not bugging you it won't come up as much which will make it easyer for you.
So sorry for you by the way :(
2007-02-13 16:46:50 · answer #9 · answered by Maddy G 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him...if that's not enough - he's not worth it and dump him! If you cannot communicate about something this important - it's not a strong relationship.
2007-02-13 16:49:17 · answer #10 · answered by Amy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋