hubby wont help clean the house??Should i go on strike?

Question

I am 26 yrs old and have been married 2 yrs most of which has been not so happily.We have a daughter who is 1.5 together.I work a 9-5 (actully more sometimes) job just like my husband but he expects me to do all the cooking,child care, and cleaning without any of his help?I run my own buisniess(interior design) along side my moms land scape design . I also do real estate doing house flips, renting places out, and have other investments in other family memebers small buisnieses.The good thing about my job is i get to spend time with my daughter taking her to my office, hours are flexible, and am very close family who work with me so if i cant watch her another family member will.I have dinner on the table by 6:30-7:00 and will spend another hour usually cleaning up the house a little because i am a neat person.He wont lift a finger to help but will complain about why he only gets sex 2-3 times a week.

Granted depending on what time of year it is will detrmine how hetic work is for me but he makes it sound like my job is easy compaired to his?

Answer 1

Hire a housekeeper. Duh.
They said you "can have it all" but forgot to tell you what it costs: your marriage, probably.
(I personally don't know why you bothered to get married and have kids if your career is your first priority over your husband, home and child.)

Answer 2

You are preachin' to the choir honey! Yes, go on strike. I do it a couple times a year and tell my hubby how overwhelmed I am. He pitches in and helps out for a while until I have to go on strike again. The other thing I do, if he is leaving his stuff all over the place: find a spot or a box you can make a pile in. For me this is on the floor next to his side of the bed. He has never complained about it. Just picks up his stuff and puts it away. Also, check out flylady.net. It's in Yahoo Groups. It helps to get into an everyday routine, especially when you have little ones. I have 3! Good luck!

Re: additional details: Make a list of everything you do from the time you get up until the time you go to bed. Guys don't get what we do all day when we are stay at home or work at home moms. Let him know exactly what it is you are doing so he can get over the idea that you are laying around watching soap operas all day.

Answer 3

This is what I do when this happens. It works for me but may not work for you. I do go on strike. Not sexually. I make it a point of making the areas he cannot stand being messy as messy as I possibly can. I quite doing his laundry so he only has dirty clothes to go to work with. If that is not working, I will even go so far as to only make dinner for myself and my daughter. It proves a good point, he can't live without me. Usually, about a week later if he still hasn't lifted a finger, me and my daughter go out on an all day outing. Usually, by the time I get home, the house is clean and dinner is cooked. Then he helps for about 2 months and slowly goes back. Hopefully there are some ideas in here for ya. But never cut off the sex, men do not respond kindly to that.

Answer 4

As long as you allow him to get away with not cleaning, cooking or taking care of the baby then he will continue doing what he is (not) doing. Listen, I have been married almost 28 years and at the beginning I did as little as possible beside the cooking (I like to cook). It wasn't until she threatened to leave did I realize how unfair that I was.... Yes, she complained but would always pick up the slack so I had no initiative to do anything.

By the way, 12 years ago I quit work to be the "Stay at Home Dad" and have been doing at least 95% of everything around the house since then! You seem to be a strong business person with your hands in many ventures. Be that strong with him!

Answer 5

I have had to deal with the exact same problem with my man. I tried nagging, I tried explaining to him that when he doesn't help out, he makes my life more difficult, I tried to give him jobs to do in his own time.

What has worked, at least in my relationship, is just to kind of go on strike. Let me explain: My guy?? He is responsible for garbage, recycling and laundry. If he doesn't do these things when they need to get done, I do only my laundry and throw his stuff on the floor amongst his clean clothes in his closet. Same with the garbage. And, say I have to do the laundry, because he hasn't done it?? Well, I don't make him dinner that night.

This went on for about a week and each time I reinforced that by not taking part in the family's responsibilities, he made my day longer and harder, and made me feel as though I'm a maid or robot and that it was all taking a toll on me. I also emphasized that helping out makes a world of difference to me, beyond what he could know, but specifically in terms of how I feel about him and myself. I also asked him if he really wanted to jeopardize our relationship and everything we have over cleaning--whether it was worth it. I emphasized that whether this would negatively impact our relationship was soley in his hands.

As a result of this little ploy, he now helps out. He has specific jobs. I need to remind him, mind you, to do the laundry on a particular day or to take the garbage, but he DOES do it, when asked. I figure, it's better than before, so I'm fine with things now.

Aren't men ridiculous sometimes?? I mean, they can be so childish. But, my advice?? Treat 'em like a child in the way detailed above, and you might see some progress. I sure hope so 'cuz I completely know how you feel in all this. Frustrating as heck.

Answer 6

It sounds to me that your relationship is not "equally yoked." In other words, you are doing most of the work and he is getting most of the reward.

I would suggest you ask him, in a calm non threatening way, that you would like to talk with him and have a discussion about the equality of tasks and chores around the house. When you have this discussion, bring yup the points you made above and explain calmly and respectfully that you would like to have things be altered. If you do so in a non blaming manner, any reasonable husband should respect your needs and thoughts. If he does not do so, ie does not try to reason with you about this, it will give you information about what kind of person he is. At that point, perhaps a "strike" as you call it may be necessary. Or better still, enter into some marriage counseling.

Answer 7

I've had this same problem, working from home can be a curse as much as a blessing. I asked for his help & showed him that working together we could get things done faster. I keep things tidy during the week and we split up the cleaning chores on the weekend. Praise goes a long way with men.

Oh and I also told him jokingly (yet seriously) that if he could hire someone to mow the lawn then he could also hire a maid to pick up after him if he didn't want to pitch in and help.

Answer 8

I would say go on strike, eventually he will realize that his stuff isn't getting done ,he will get hungry, his stuff will pile up, and he will run out of underwear! That isn't right the child belongs to both of you so he needs to help with that, otherwise you can do it by yourself cause you've proven you can. Most men don't like cleaning, but the kid he should have no problems with helping out. What I have said is probably gonna be a repeat of other answers you are going to get. Good luck!

Answer 9

Why, what you describe is a normal family life. Men expect it: you cook, clean, work, pay the bills, give a lot of sex, look good all the time and do not notice infidelities.
It will be hard to teach him to clean now, after two years. You may try though. Start with small tasks and move on to bigger ones with him.
Sex has nothing to do with it.

Answer 10

First of all, NEVER use sex for a weapon. Find another way to get him to help.

In my house, I do all the vacuuming, dusting, dishes, clean the kitchen, do my own laundry, and help feed and clothe the kids for school, plus all the outdoor work (lawn, weeding, etc.), and my wife STILL complains that I don't help out enough around the house. A man just can't win these arguments.

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Answer 11

Here's what you do. Hire a maid or a cleaning service. When he complains about the cost, tell him "this is how it is going to be until you start helping out." Period. Then stick to it. Either way, you get some relief.