How would you describe mental abuse?

Question

My husband doesnt actually have to call me foul names to make me feel bad about myself, but sometimes it can be the way he says things. He can make remarks like how hard he works and that i dont know what it feels like. He will ask me what i have done productive while he is at work. Mind you, I do pay most of the household expenses every month from my disability check. He has even went as far as talking about the occupational position of a friends' wife. This just makes feel as if i have no self worth. This is a man who doesnt have to lift a finger when he comes home from work. If anything he is spoiled. It does hurt when he says these things to me, and at times he can be the best husband in the world. But the least little thing can get me lashed by his harsh words. How do you think i should handle the situation?

Answer 1

At the same time, if you were to work, you would hear how he cleans the house all by himself (even when he doesnt) and how you need to be at home, and if you have kids, how he takes care of the kids all by himself. Then how the friends wives who dont work are always there for their families.

So it doesnt matter what you do or dont do. This man would not be happy no matter what the situation, so please dont take it personally. My husband has behaved like that at times too and I think it is just because he wants to feel important and maybe it was just me not making him feel appreciated for what HE does do. Why dont you try to show him that you notice how hard he works for the family and maybe he will eventually stop being so hard on you. It doesnt sound like you have a bad marriage, just an insensitive husband. Women are very sensitive when it comes to being a stay at home wife in todays society and there is nothing wrong with it at all . Your JOB is in the home.

Good luck!!

Answer 2

I dont call that mental abuse. He probably hates his job or hates still working while you are at home. Just be patient, and try to make his evening fun at home.
Think about the times he is the best husband. Maybe do something special for him after work, its probably easier for you to do something since your not working. Like , put on a belly dancer outfilt and feed him dinner.

Answer 3

You are being mentally abused. You should leave the loser and get yourself some counseling to deal with the pain. You are disabled and can't work he should understand that. There is never a good reason for lashing out at someone with harsh words and making them feel badly.

Answer 4

My ex said a lot of these similar things, trying to injury my self-esteem and self-worth. Emotional/mental abusers will slowly, slowly chip away at this. I would say it's either therapy or you leave (prepare this way ahead of time, copy records, his paycheck, know his SS#, open up a storage and slowly fill it).

Answer 5

What you are describing is a form of domestic violence. He is obviously a control freak. Do some research on the subject and you will find out really fast he is a text book abuser. They do not have to hit you to abuse you. I think you need to develop a plan to leave.

Answer 6

He is jealous that you stay in, while he works, that is all. He can hardly bear it, and give out nasty comments. It does not matter that you pay; he does not like to go out to work, while you do not.
I am not sure how to cope. The only way would have been to go out to work too, but since you can't...

Answer 7

If you feel like you are nothing and feel like you are walking around on egg shells all day long.. then yes thats mental abuse.

If you doubt seek professional counselling

Answer 8

you need to stand up for yourself and realize that what you do daily matters. if you stopped doing laundry for a week, he would definitley notice! as long as you keep letting him make those comments, he will. let him know that you do your share, and if he needs a list- make him one!

Answer 9

i think you should get out.