I have been with my man for 4 years and I do well by him. He gets sex on average about 3 times a week plus about 2 oral sessions. I am not a prude (though there are some things I have said I just will not do) I don't mind using handcuffs, fooling around outside, doing something fun and new. I have a low libido but I try to make sure he is happy (besides, it's great exersize) but no matter what I do I can't seem to win, the more he wants the more I give, then that is not enough and he cranks it up a notch. Both of us agree everything else in our relationship/family (we have 2 kids under 3) is great but we can never agree on sex. Any genuine advice welcome.
2007-02-13 08:21:07 · 18 answers · asked by Elisha 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We don't keep a schedual, I'm just working off averages some weeks it's a little more and almost never a little less. There is much kindness, comfort and understanding between us but his drive for more frequent and 'uncomfortable' idea's about sex make things hard. It seems he will only be happy if I gave him sexual pleasure almost every day and it goes beyond things I am comfortable with.
2007-02-13 09:08:54 · update #1
Hmmmm hand cuffs huh? Well, you surpassed my maximum kinkiness. The neat thing is I don't think that my wife's and my sex drive is that much different than yours. Not counting frequency that is. It's just that I'm a horn dog and she isn't. The mature thing to do is for me to understand that my sex drive is different and to never put my wife out of her comfort zone. Not getting enough doesn't take me out of my comfort zone. Doing things kinky does! What I am saying is cling to your comfort zone not his! If you continue to do wild and crazy things to spice up your relationship, someday it will go to far and you won't realize it until it's too late and the damage has been done.
2007-02-13 13:45:46 · answer #1 · answered by delux_version 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I really sympathize with you. First off all, like a previous poster said, wow, that's a lot of lovin' from a mama with two kids under three! I think a lot of times in situations like this, men really don't understand what it means to have a low libido. Try to explain it to him using something he doesn't want to do all the time (not something he hates, just something he does to keep you happy). Ask him what it would be like for him if you wouldn't quit trying to make him go antique shopping or visit your sister or whatever it is that might be an equivalent. That might help him understand what's going on in your mind.
Telling sexy stories might also be really helpful. If you are comfortable with it, why not write down a few fantasies or find some erotic literature. See the link below (ADULT MATERIAL). OK, this might not be something you're comfortable with but it could really help. You sound like you're pretty cool with experimentation - why not let him set up a camcorder for a few wilder sessions? Then he's got it on tape and whenever you're not up for it, and he wants to, uh, give himself a hand, he's got a reminder of something he probably really enjoyed to experience all over again.
I know (trust me) that the constant hounding can get really old. But do try to look at it as a compliment - he must really dig sex with you! I know that won't necessarily make you want more, but it might cheer you up.
One more thing. I hope this isn't too personal (ha, right, after that post) but I hope you will at least look into whether you might have a hormonal imbalance, a thyroid problem, or maybe even postpartum depression. None of those things have to happen right after the baby is born. And if any of those are the problems, you've got easy solutions.
Good luck!
2007-02-19 08:19:31 · answer #2 · answered by Melissa G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what is wrong with it? Do you know how many woman complain about not having enough sex in their relationships?
There is anything better than having sex with the person who you love and love you back?
I am trying to make a point here. this is not a race for who is more active, just thing in different way to please him, have sex the of-then you feel comfortable and give him more oral sex for the rest is just an example of what you can do. For a man finding a woman who want to have sex with you every day is a dream come true, keep up give him all hi wants and a little more that will surprise him and may rethink the way things are working, if you stop giving him enough sex or you are not able to keep up fin help from a Friend or buy a play doll or any other toy to please him or he will look for it in other person what ever he is not getting enough.. good luck
2007-02-19 05:52:34 · answer #3 · answered by enproblemado 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look, I dont really get this low limbido stuff...and I have 3 kids, but Im going to give you my advise...making love to your husband is not a chore, it is a privelage...and if you are giving yourself points for 3 times a week, no wonder you are not happy. You should be happy that your man wants to have a vibrant love life with you. That is your time together, to be free with eachother and have some fun! If you are doing all the work and it is not 50/50, then I could see why you would not looking forward to it..why dont you dominate him a little, girlfriend? Give him some pointers, get some toys, and make sure it is as pleasuable for you as it is for him? There's no point in wasting all that time and energy if you aren't getting off.
2007-02-20 21:51:32 · answer #4 · answered by Erin 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sex isn't the answer to a perfect relationship but if he wants you to do things that you are not comfortable with tell him. Sex should be fun and special not unconfortable. If he loves you he should care if you are comfortable and happy. You have pleased him let him please you and don't be afraid to say no I am tired or the other excuse I have a headache after a few of those maybe when you decide to have sex he will be thankful for what he gets and not want to do the things you are uncofortable with. Tell him you are a wife and mother not a pron queen./
2007-02-21 05:48:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion you are a trophy wife. Anyone with two kids under three who is putting out 5 times a week is awesome. When my kids were that young we were limited to weekend nap time and perhaps one time during the weeknights. We were just both so whipped it was amazing. Regarding what is confortable for you. I think those things often take planning and often you don't have lots of extra time when you have young kids. Perhaps you can offer him some excitement by giving him something to roll play out in his mind. My wife mentioned that she knew the meter reader was coming over Sunday night and she did not have enough to pay the bill. She was hoping there was a way to work it out. The day before.....well you set the scenario instead of him.
2007-02-13 15:35:42 · answer #6 · answered by toledogolf 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you want to have more Sex but just cant because you just don't feel the urge? if that is the case i would talk to your Doctor. my ex husband would always tell me that i wanted TOO much sex. i was getting it three or four times a day. everyone is different. you and your husband should talk about what you are feeling and look into other options. The oral is always a good thing and i am sure that there are other options like boob sex( i don't want to get to explicit) trying new things might also help you get into the mood more often.
2007-02-21 02:25:25 · answer #7 · answered by Queen of the Nile 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't see any proble here!? He is laughing, your attitude is great, even when you don't feel like it he gets head! And you have 2 little kids, I was so tired i can't remember sex then , although i did'nt get many complaints.Their is a fine line between wanting more and having too much and you sound as though you are balancing everything well. At least he wants to **** U. Keep him on his toes and be thankfull you have a horny MF.
PS. I'm wondering what you just will not do????
2007-02-20 23:08:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he has a High Sex drive and needs more. Buy him some Good Porn. Sit him in front of the TV and give him some hand Lotion and Tissue and say Ok Big Guy, Go for IT. its better than having him go look elsewhere to fulfill his needs.. Good Luck
2007-02-20 03:05:06 · answer #9 · answered by donna_honeycutt47 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you have to learn to control the sex in your relationship. him telling you that it isn't enough, is kind of like him saying that he isn't satisfied with you, and that's a major put down for you. sounds to me like he's pretty lucky to get what he's getting now. it seems sometimes, no matter how much you give, they just want more. you need to step up and tell him that he is lucky he gets what he gets, and if that's not good enough for him, maybe none at all for awhile will change his mind. tell him that you are not a machine, and sometimes just don't feel like having sex, if it's not enjoyable for you, it's probably not that enjoyable for him. ask him if he'd rather satisfy you once in awhile or just think about himself all the time. if you want to have sex, you will both have a really good time, instead of just one having a good time, and the other just getting some exercise.
2007-02-20 09:36:19 · answer #10 · answered by Jamie Lynn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋