Why I think wife might have cheated in our relationship!?

Question

I'm going to get 8 yrs of info here in this short paragraph, because i'm tired of people assuming I'm not doing this or that. My wife and I used to be very sexual, and affectionate, the first 2 years in our marriage(she used to love how I kissed). Year 3- we planned a child, and right before it, the intimacy was slowing down on her part. She reduced the affection coming my way, and she began to nit pick more, about little things. She used to have a very wild sexual level, by having orgys and being a bi-female. I have had my moments of not doing everything to perfection, by maybe leaving shoes or being a little messy. I'm still very loving, and take every moment of my life showing her with my emotions, and actions. If I don't initiate the sex, holding of hand, or reach for a kiss, it doesn't happen. And that is why I feel something is up...Yet she still wants to have another child together, and saids I love you to me.

Some people will probably say, "well sex is just the icing on the cake, sex is not needed for a relationship." Then is it ok to cheat, or be a swinger, while married.

For me, it's not just sex, it's the connection I feel, when im with my wife, doing something on that level, of being naked, and feeling good.

Doesn't the intimacy in the bedroom, make sitting on sofa sharing a movie with your spouse and kids, that much better?

How does the intimacy just fall apart after 3 years, and we become our boring parents who argue, and then divorce, after all the kids are grown up.

thank you

oh btw..i added she used to love how i kissed, and now i only get to make-out with her, maybe twice a year, when she gets sloppy drunk, or something like that...she saids My kisses are too wet. lol

Answer 1

I was married 5 years (2 babies) then 20 years and engaged now 4 years. I can't remember ever not wanting intimacy with my partner. My first relationship fell apart because of money issues and the second was because of alcohol. I think her sexual drive, or lack of, might be a sort of depression. It would be worth a trip to the doctor to have her checked especially if she is wanting another child.

Answer 2

So, you guys have a child, right? And she's a mother, right? I can tell you that mothers have a different perspective than single women, or newly married women. Unless you have some substancial proof of an affair, I would hesitate to accuse her of one, because to me it sounds like she's just busy being a mom. That doesn't excuse her nit picking about little things. But raising a child is tough work, and if she's dealing with a small child all day long, I can promise you that at night she's honestly too tired to be swinging from the chandelier like she did when y'all were first married. Also, she might feel somewhat guilty doing that, now that she's a mother, she might feel that's not allowed anymore. I don't know for sure, but I'm a woman, and if my husband thought I was cheating on him when I was busy raising our small children because I didn't initiate sex like he thought I should, I probably would've gone through the roof, and been very, VERY hurt.

Answer 3

Honey I'm just going to straight out tell you that your wife was trying to find herself and that's why she allowed orgies in you all bedroom, because any other female in her right mind would not have let another female come near her man if she really cared about him.
And you say that she was bi-sexual, well you might want to check the waters and test to see if that shark you had on your hands hasn't turned to hunting fish only (if you know what I mean!)

Answer 4

Have you had a child yet? If you haven't, I don't think I would work on having it. You two definitely should be going into some couples counseling. I cannot imagine not wanting to be intimiate with my fiance.
Her actions could be because she has cheated. She also could be going through some hormonal changes that are causing her to be less affectionate. Do you ever ask her about her not wanting to be that affectionate?

Answer 5

Ask her how your doing in the marriage and then ask her " is she happy" and ask if you can do anything to improve your life together and then tell her what you told us!

Chances are you'll get answer to all your question and if you really need to ask is there something that you need to inform me about!
After al that stay calm an work on the marriage!

Answer 6

If she hasnt, which most likely she has, she has at least thought about it. But, to be honest, she just sounds pretty average and typical to me, from what I see, hear, know of.

Like I keep saying to guys. Visit www.nomarriage.com. Come on guys, visit it and pass it along. It would help a lot of your brothers out if they read some of the stuff there.

Answer 7

Welcome to married life. The spark cannot and will not stay hot forever. She loves you, she just has lots of other stuff on her mind. All men wish that their sex life was more than it is. Very few women have the libido of a male. You just need to deal with it, or move on. I dont think she is bangin anyone else, I think she is just a normal married woman. My wife and I have been together for 12 years, yeah, we still fool around, but with much less intensity. They become bothered by public displays of affection and slowly the whole sex thing diminishes. Sorry bro, but its reality!!!!

Answer 8

Just to make things clear - swinging or polyamory are neither cheating. They have permission when they are swinging or being poly.

If the person didn't have permission, that's a big violation of trust. If I violated the poly rules my wife and I have (say by not getting her ok on someone I wanted to date) then that would be cheating. My wife doesn't have that rule (since I'm secure about how she feels about me), so her being with someone without asking wouldn't be cheating.

Answer 9

Awww. That is nice. Happy Valentines.

Answer 10

The question is why are you telling strangers about this when you should be talking to her, and maybe a counselor.