Should I Get a Divorce?

Question

Although I am really starting to lean towards getting the divorce anyway, I am a Christian and most say that I haven't given it enough time yet. I just left my husband Sunday night because I'm pregnant and he put his hands on me in a way that wasn't anything near a loving touch. In fact, I have a lump on my head, but it isn't from him hitting me. Anyways, he cheated and we have only been married 7 months. He said he was sorry and he wishes that he hadn't of done it or we wouldn't be in the predicament that we're currently in. However, he still doesn't seem completely trustworthy to me. Another reason why I left this past Sunday night is because when he was gone, I was so upset with him that I began rummaging through his stuff. I found old naked pictures of his ex-girlfriend and his ex-ex-girlfriend. They were tucked away in some file folder. He's only sent me one message saying that I was looking for a reason to divorce him. I'm pregant with our 1st child. I'm scared.

Answer 1

I would not say head to the courthouse just yet. You might really benefit from some counseling. If that fails or he is unwilling to try then call it quits. Pregnancy is difficult on both partners. Get a third party involved to possibly give different perspective. As for the naked ex-girlfriend pictures as long as they where not recently taken. Get over it. Everyone has things in there past they are not proud of. If that really is the worst thing he has done he can not be too bad. He is right on one thing do not look for reasons to divorce him. Try to work things out first, then go your separate ways. The first year is the hardest. Especially with a baby on the way.

Answer 2

If It was me - I would get a divorce ASAP. I dont play the cheating on my time thing. Let him move in with Ms. LOLA and you have your baby and move on. Get child support and nevermind the Chritian thing. You are a good christian, but he is not. God is a forgivving God in this cicumstance. Girl, I hope you take my advice now and not waste any more of your prime years with this jerk.
Forget therapy, move on. You dont need to waste your time and your tears. Cheaters like to blame the other person anyway. Dont let that happen. Dont let there be a next time, you should call the police and get a restraining order, get a divorce, child support and I bet you - You'll be happier than you can imagine! Good Luck!

Answer 3

I am not going to say yes or no..

but u need to sit him down and tell him all that kinda stuff is disrespcting u and u don't like it in your house for him to get rid of it ..yes it might sound crazy to some but it is more it is a test to see his reaction .. what he says his face his body lango. everything and if he really does it..

U have to start over and say look we have to restart our life now.. i went thought this befor i got married and i did this as well..
told him all old pic of ex-girlds had to go and i sat there and watched him toss them he ever tared them up and said they where just old and he forgot he had themall photos of that.. Also all porn books,ad's,photos,videos and if he hads u the oo u can get some money back for them well then put them in a place where u can get to them and like tie them in a bag,,

yes some might say this is over crazy but u know what he gets no right!!! he has to start over and prov himself..Do not trust him !!! trusting him takes time to get back. one u lose it .. And i am sure he would be the same way..I would slow cut off with his firneds and have him stay home with u more or go outtogether make places say your out night all kinda stuff keep him busy that he does not get dored that he dcan't even think of doing dum ****~!~!~

I think u have to let him know you are starting over and see what happends with just that and see where it gos from there..~

I wish u best of luck <3~

good luck ~ c

Answer 4

What in the world is the difference between loving a person, and being attached to them? Love is the sincere wish, for others to be happy for others and free from suffering. Having realistically realized other’s kindness, as well as their faults, Love is Always focused on the other person’s welfare. We have no ulterior intensions or motives to fulfill our own self-interests; or to fulfill our own desires, we love others, all people, simply because they exist. Attachment, on the other hand, exaggerates others’ good qualities, and makes us crave to be with them. When we’re with them, we are happy, but when we’re separated from them, we’re miserable. Attachments are always linked with expectations of what others should be, or what they should do for us. Is love, as it is understood in most societies, really love OR attachment ? Let us examine this a little more. Generally speaking, we are attracted {drawn to) people because they have qualities we value, or because they help us in some way. If we carefully observe, through introspection, our own thought processes we’ll notice that we very often look for specific qualities in others. Some of these qualities we are drawn to are qualities within our parents, or qualities which society values.
We examine someone’s looks, education, social status, financial status, and so forth. This is how Most of us decide on whether or not the person holds any true value, or not. In addition, we judge people as worthwhile according to how they relate to us. If they praise us, encourage us, help us, if they listen to what we have to say, if they make us feel secure, if they take care of us when were sick, unhappy or depressed, we consider them good, or sometimes righteous people, and these are the people we more drawn to, whom we are most likely attracted to, and the people we choose to be around with.
In all honesty, this is very biased, for we are judging them, only in terms of how they relate to us, as if we are the most important person in the world & thinking the world revolves around us! After we’ve judged certain people to be good for us, whenever we see them, it appears to us as if goodness is radiating out from within them, but as we are more mindfully aware, we realize that we have projected this goodness on to them.
Desiring to be the people who make us feel good, we become emotional yo-yo’s, when we’re with these people, we’re up, but when we’re not with them, we’re down. Furthermore, we form fixed concepts of what our relationships with these people will be, and thus have expectations of them. “When they do not live up to our expectations of them, we’re unhappy, disappointed or may even become angry. We want them to change so that they will match what we think they are. But our projections and expectations come from our own minds, not from other people. Our problems arise not because others aren’t who we thought they were, but because we mistakenly thought they were something they were not. We often use a type of Checklist also. Checklist: “I Love You IF ___________ !” This Love is Conditional and what we call love, is most often attachment. It is actually an attitude which overestimates the qualities of another person.
’Then we cling tightly to that person, thinking our peace and happiness depends on that person. We even often blame that person for our unhappiness.’ Love, on the other hand, is a very patient, calm, optimistic and relaxed attitude. We want others to be free from suffering and to be happy simply because they exist. While attachments are uncontrolled, and too emotionally sentimental, Love is Patient, powerful, and controlled(disciplined). Attachment obscures our judgment {our ability to make sound, wise decisions), and we become impatient, angry, and impartial – helping our dear ones, and those who do us no harm. Love clarifies our mind, & we access a situation by thinking of the greatest good for everyone. Attachment is based on selfishness, while love is founded on valuing, & cherishing others, even those who do not look very appealing to us. Love always looks beyond all the superficial appearances and dwells on the fact that they are just like us: they want peace of mind, happiness, and wish to avoid suffering. If we see unattractive, or unintelligent people we most often feel repulsed, because our selfish minds want to find attractive, intelligent, and talented people. On the other hand, Love never evaluates others by theses superficial standards and looks much deeper into the person. Love recognizes that regardless of the others appearances, they’re experiences are they same as ours: they want inner mental peace, happiness, and wish to be from suffering. When we’re attached, we’re not mentally, emotionally, & spiritually free. For we overly depend on, and cling to another person, to fulfill our emotional, mental, and spiritual needs. We fear losing the person, fearing that we’d be incomplete without them.” This does Not mean that we should suppress all our emotional needs, or become aloof, and totally independent, for that too would not solve the problem. We must simply realize our unrealistic needs and slowly, gently and patiently – seek to eliminate them. If we try to suppress them, pretending they do not exist, we become insecure, anxious, or possibly depressed. In this case, we do our best to fulfill our needs, while simultaneously working gradually to subdue them. The core problem is that most of us seek to be loved, rather than to love. We yearn to be understood by others, rather than to understand them. Our sense of emotional insecurities comes from the selfish obscuring of our own minds. We develop confidence by recognizing our inner potential to become a Selfless human being, having many magnificent qualities, then we’ll develop and have an accurate perception of ourselves, gaining self-confidence. We’ll seek to increase true unconditional love, to increase compassion, to cultivate patience, as well as generosity, right concentration and wisdom. Under the influence of attachment, we’re bound by our unstable emotional reactions to others. When they’re nice to us, we’re happy, but when they ignore us or speak sharply to us, we take it personally, and are unhappy. But pacifying attachment doesn’t mean we become hard-hearted, rather without attachments, there will be space in our hearts and minds for genuine affection and impartial love for them. And as a result, we’ll be more actively involved with them. As we learn to transform our minds & lives, through subduing our attachments, we can definitely have successful friendships, and personal relationships with others. These relationships will be richer, more meaningful because of the freedom and respect the relationships are based on. We’ll really care about the happiness and misery of all human beings equally, simply because everyone is the same inside: we all want inner peace of mind, Happiness, and to be from suffering.
However, of course, our lifestyles and interests may be a bit more compatible with some people. Our friendships and our personal relationships will be based on mutual interests, and to help other people. Having such an attitude, we’ll be much More Patient, & tolerant toward others; will remain mentally calm, having Peace of Mind and Happiness, and we’ll communicate successfully with others in life.