I have been dating my boyfriend now for about 5 months and the first 3 months were great. Actually they were out of this world. I could see my future with him stretching into the distant. This has been my 1st non dramatic relationship and the infatuation stage has just ended. My last ex was a real "winner" NOT. He was a loser, lost his job as a police officer, abused me, got caught for DUI. A whole pile of crap. All in all I dated him for about a year and I know I was in love with him at the beginning but had to get myself out of his mess and move on with my life. I took a year for myself and just dated here and there, nothing serious. Then I met my now boyfriend and we clicked but I feel like I loved my ex more than I love my current boyfriend for some reason. I feel like something is missing in our relationship and I want to spend my life with him cause he is such a nice guy BUT I want my feelings to get stronger cause I dont want to love my ex more....
Can we make it work even though I dont feel those butterfly/crazy feelings?
2007-02-13 07:55:28 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Drama is interesting, in the same way that a bad accident on the side of the road is interesting. People who have a lot of drama in their lives, like your first boyfriend, are entertaining, like a sad or scary movie. But after a while you begin to realize that the drama isn't happening to someone on screen; it's happening to you. Someone like your first boyfriend can make you feel needed, like they'll ruin their lives if you're not there to save them. Someone like your current boyfriend might not seem like they need you because their lives are already together. But don't confuse the feeling of being needed for love; it isn't. The passion associated with the first guy starts off high, but soon dwindles and gets replaced by resentment and anger; love always starts off small and grows over time. Passion is for dating, love is for life. If you really love your current guy, then stay with him.
2007-02-13 08:09:33 · answer #1 · answered by Grizzly B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to figure out why you fell in love with losers. Why are some women only attracted to guys who end up hurting them.
You said this is your only non traumatic relationship. I wonder if your current bf were to suddenly shake things up and do something terrible to you, would you then be more drawn to him?
I think sometimes when someone hurts us, we really want to feel better about things so when they apologize and come around to being nice, it fills that need and we feel so much better because we were just hurt. It's like when it is cold out, and we come into a warm, cozy house, it feels really good. But, when we just stay in that same warm house, it's nice, but we don't know how nice because we didn't experience the cold.
Do you have a traumatic event in your past? Perhaps you decide your mature enough and deserve a good man now and you don't need to experience the "cold."
2007-02-13 16:04:16 · answer #2 · answered by Get it Together 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not always about the butterfly crazy feelings. It is about having a positive and nice quality life. Do you think every married couple has butterfly crazy feelings after 10 years of marriage? It is about being on the same page and supporting each other.
2007-02-13 16:06:53 · answer #3 · answered by besitos2610 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anytime I ever got butterflies I got sick. I don't think that the butterflies are your problem. I think that your ability to find the sweet romantic side of the new guy is a bit deeper and will come with time. If the guy makes you want to throw up get out. That way you don't have to worry about abusive drunks.
2007-02-13 16:12:36 · answer #4 · answered by Lilbear 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out now...he is a boring sod.
2007-02-13 15:58:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋