My husband doesn't think I do enough around the house.?

Question

We have 4 kids (12 yo girl & 5 yo triplets;1 boy) I do 100% of child care, ie drive them to school, help with homework, volunteer at school, drive to extracurricular activities, clothe them etc; groceries, cook meals, laundry, clean 6000 sq.ft home (5 bathrooms), shovel snow, cut grass, pay bills ETC... he was upset last weekend when a few things were "not in their right place" in the pantry and he had to straighten it up. He said this place would be a dump if it wasn't for him keeping things organized. Does he really think that he is doing all the work and that I am not doing anything. Needless to say, I blew up, describing EVERYTHING I do in a day - he said I was over reacting and NEVER apologized. Tomorrow is Valentines day and I can't really say I feel anything for him right now except resentment. Am I wrong for feeling like this, or should I just suck it up and be happy?

Answer 1

No.. you are not wrong. By the sounds of things you do enough. Sounds like your husband needs a check on reality

Answer 2

My husband sometimes says things because he's frustrated. I do too. If he tells you these things daily or weekly, I'd be upset. But if it's a once in a while thing, I would let it go. Sometimes it takes my husband a week to soften up and say he's sorry. I've learned that actions speak louder than words...95% of the the time, he's great. Sometimes he's a pain in my butt. He compained last week that the kids were annoying him because they cry so much and that I should do something about it. Our girls are 3 and 1. I chuckled to myself and went on with life. Yesterday, he made fun of himself for the comment. So, I guess what I'm saying is that if it's not in his usual character to say this and you know in your heart he doesn't mean it...let it go. Dr. Laura says it best. When you see your man the next day and it's like he completely forgot about the fight you guys had yesterday...it's probably because he really did. Pick your battles. Laugh at all the other stuff. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

There's never anything wrong with having feelings, but it sounds like you are mostly feeling resentful, and probably unappreciated. You were wrong in getting angry with him and that was probably a huge overreaction - there was no need for that.
Let's just say you married this man because you loved each other, you loved each other enough to have four children together, your husband is working terribly hard to allow you to stay at home to look after the children and the house. I wonder whether you appreciate HIM, instead of only thinking about yourself. If you are "tired" of being a SAHM, that's another story, and you will have to discuss options with your husband. Otherwise, it sounds like the two of you have things set out roles-wise, and if you are unhappy with the setup, you need to calmly and rationally discuss things with him. Frankly, the first thing I would do in your situation would be to downgrade the house to under 2000 sq.ft. That would cut your work in a third.
I think you have to examine how you are feeling about yourself - not your role as mom or wife, but you as a person. Seems as though you are angry, but I don't think you are angry at your husband. I think you are angry with something inside yourself, and to be the best person you can be and bring your best to your family, you have to regain some positiveness and happiness.
I wish you the best of luck, and hope you will learn to count your blessings....

Answer 4

Has he always been so... hmmm... unappreciative? Is it possible that it is him who's feeling under-appreciated, and so he's taking it out on you? (Not the most mature way to deal with the problem, but some people do it.) Be the "adult" here, and extend the olive branch. Maybe you can discuss in more detail who's going what - not as part of an argument, but as part of a mature communication. My husband and I went through a period of "finger pointing" and keeping score of who was doing what around the house, but it was short-lived, and we sorted it out before we even got married. Right now, there are more or less defined "chores" that each of us is in charge of; as we acquired a greater understanding of what the other person was contributing, we stopped being resentful for what they were NOT doing, and began to appreciate what they WERE doing. Sounds like you guys have been married for a while, so the "division of labor" should be well-established. Maybe you could re-visit this question, and re-acquaint yourself with the other person's contribution, so both of you could garner more appreciation for your partner. Trying to resolve things in the context of an argument will lead nowhere; let go for now, have a good V-Day, and bring it us peacefully once the dust settles. I'm sure he means well, perhaps he's not the greatest communicator. Good luck.

Answer 5

No, you aren't from now on incorrect in any respect. He ought to truthfully help out more beneficial. even as human beings come homestead from artwork, you're assume to relax for somewhat, yet then get on inclusive of your responsibilities. And he ought to no longer call you a slob, it truly is disrespectful, somewhat because it is because of him no longer helping out a lot that you do not have sufficient time. There would nicely be diverse issues occurring with him, like perchance even as he does issues, you do not say thanks, now and again that makes adult males sense undesirable, yet when it isn't any longer that, perchance he feels he works too not uncomplicated and in trouble-free words needs to come back homestead and relax, if that is the case, you could attempt to inform him that it is alright to relax, yet afterwards he ought to take care of his chores, and if he would not recognize what his chores are, attempt making a itemizing of the failings both one among you ought to get finished each and every week and then he truthfully won't be able to *****, yet when he does, tutor him the record and tutor him that you're doing all of your section and so ought to he. it ought to also be that he feels undesirable or per chance some thing's occurring at artwork it truly is making him sense lower than pressure. wish that helps, and that i wish the placement will be resolved :)

Answer 6

You are not wrong, however don't expect him to apologize or change. I have a husband who is the same (except I have 6 cats and 2 grown boys living at home). I haul out garbage, shovel, mow, cook, clean and he sits in front of the TV. (Plus I work 44 hrs a week at my job an hour's drive from home). The only difference from your husband is that mine couldn't care less if he lived in a barn and yours is obsessive compulsive. Forget it...don't waste your energy trying to analyze why he's so unreasonable. You aren't going to leave him apparently, so enjoy your kids and home when he's gone (and give him the raspberry when he turns his back...!)

Answer 7

When my husband said that I didn't do anything around the house, I just stopped. Of course, I continued caring for our child. But I stopped cleaning, cooking, doing his laundry (still did my own and my son's), etc.

After about 3 days, he came to apologize. However, I get the feeling this might blow up in your face. Just depends.

Answer 8

Tell him from now on he can do ALL the work in the home and in the yard since he thinks you don't do anything or do it good enough. Straightening out the pantry will be the least of his concerns.

Answer 9

you got way lot to do with triplets 12 year old and a boy what the hell he think's that's hard work looking after the kid's your 12 year old can help some but she's got school and your husband should quit gripping and do more to help you instead of bellyacking men hollers we nag they need a tape recorder to hear them complaining

Answer 10

You have every right to be pissed~~ figure up what it would cost for someone to do all of the things you do and then give him the friggin bill, tell him payment is due each week. It sounds to me like he is just fishing for a fight. Don't let him get you down ~~just worry about your kids, Good luck honey!