Am I neglecting my infant?

Question

I took 5 weeks off for maternity leave. During that time it was the holidays and my boyfriend had to work overtime (retail). I wanted to spend more time off, but "the bills won't pay themselves." Now our schedule is we wake up at 530 take the baby to the babysitter (my dad's house on tuesdays and thursdays and my friend's house on mondays and wednesdays), I go to work, my boyfriend goes to school then work and we get to the babysitter's around 4. We get home and relax for awhile then go to bed between 9 and 10 and do the whole thing all over again. On the weekends I'm with the baby and on friday's my boyfriend spends time with him.

Are our lives too busy? Should we be spending more time with him?

Everytime he's upset or cranky I, as my boyfriend puts it, "baby him." I do that because I feel like I should be doing more for him than I do and I just want him to be happy & healthy.

Answer 1

I have the same guilty feelings...i am a single mom with 6 yr old twins, i work mon-fri 8 hours and go to college 2 nights a week and i feel guilty...just cherish the time you do have with him...most people dont have the luxury of being able to stay home with their kids nowadays so just know that you are not neglecting your baby, you have to work to support him and i commend you for that!! with having your partner with you you might consider working opposite shifts so one of you can always be with him if that is feasible, it will be rough on your relationship, but it may ease some of your guilt...good luck!!

Answer 2

No you are not neglecting your infant. I did the same thing after I had my baby. I took 3 months off though then I went back to work and worked 4 to 5 days a week my mom kept the baby when I worked. Your baby won't remember back this far in life when older anyways. You are just doing what you have to do. As long as you see your baby every day that is all it matters and spend time with the baby as much as you can!

Answer 3

I kind of know what you are going through. My solution was to quit my job. Luckily my husband covered the bills with his checks but there are times we barely scrape by (like last month when we got a $525 electric bill) We would have more luxuries if I worked but that is not my priority right now. The first thing you should do is carefully evaluate your priorities. If you cut your hours down would you be able to make it. What if you cut your hours and cut an unneccessary expense? Could you find a job that would pay more per hour and let you work fewer hours? Perhaps you could try to get a job at a daycare where you could bring your son with you. Another thing to think of is, if you are working at an unskilled job, perhaps you should try doing some online college to be able to get a higher paying job. It would take up more time in the present but in the long run allow you to spend more time at home. One thing you could do is go to a university such a Kaplan for an associates in accounting. Then you should be able to get a job like a bank teller for about 20 hours a week $10/hour. I know Chase hires people who either have 1 year experience as cashier, are attending or have graduated college for accounting.

If you feel that you need to work the job you are working, your hours are mandatory for expenses required for living, the time apart from your child is spent for his better life and not for useless luxuries, then you should know that you are doing what is best for him and your family. Sometimes being apart from your baby can't be avoided. As long as you know he is in good care, what you are doing is enough.

Answer 4

Welcome to motherhood. No matter what we do, we will always wonder if we're doing it right. I think it is great that your baby gets to stay with Grandpa 2 days of the week and with his dad on Friday and he gets you all weekend. Babies this age sleep a lot. Don't beat yourself up. It would be neglect if you lived in a house with no heat or electricity or food because you didn't pay the bills. As for whether you are babying him. Of course you are. He's a baby that's what you do. When he's older you'll treat him like an older kid, but if he's only a couple of months old he is a baby, you should treat him like one. It sounds to me like your doing a great job. Keep it up. And don't forget to take a little time every now and then for you and your boyfriend. Your baby will be better off in the long run if you have a strong relationship.

Answer 5

girl you are going to kill yourself with the kind of guilt trip you are giving yourself. First off.. Your baby can not be spoiled by being "babyed" he is a BABY! That is your job! As for going to work theres no reason to feel guilty. Life is an expensive thing. Babies are expensive. It's just like you said " the bills wont pay themselves" I am sure that you guys are doing as best you can. At least he doesnt have to be in a tradtional day care. Give yourself props for that cuz its hard to avoid sometimes..your doing fine and if you dwell on the time you aren't spending together than you may be hindering the time you are spending.

Answer 6

It's called life/survival. I assume he's going to school to better himself? For a better job, more money? You both have to work to the pay the bills correct?
Spend as much time with him as you can, and there's nothing wrong with babying him every now and then. Infants need love, and you can't spoil them. I agree with the above post too, they don't remember when they're that young. And, I honestly think it's good to get infants used to other people. My have 3 girls, 15 yrs, 12 yrs, and 14 months. My youngest, I've pretty much stayed home with her this whole time. We don't see much of the family, they're too far, and we just moved, so no friends. When we do see my parents, she cries and cries when they look or talk to her lol. I am currently looking for a job(small town though), and I do intend to put her in a school type daycare, so she can socialize with others. Some of us just don't have the financial resources to stay at home as long as we'd like too, and there's nothing wrong with that. I'll admit, I was lucky though. And good luck to you and don't stress over it, I'm sure he's very well cared for!!!

Answer 7

You can only do so much. It sounds like you are doing the best you can with the situation you are in. All I can say is to make sure you are doing what you think is best...don't let anyone tell you that you are "babying" you baby. He is after all a baby!! Sometimes my husband will same the same thing and our son will be a year in 2 weeks.

Hang in there and just remember that he is only a baby for a short period and to make it as enjoyable for all of you (even if the weekends and weeknights are all that you have).

Answer 8

Wow, our lives are running on practically the same path. Our schedules are pretty much the same as yours. We have a 3mo old. I went back to work when she was 2 months old. My husband is off on fridays and has her, sat we have her together, and sunday is my day w/ her. We try not to baby her or feel bad cuz we both know and knew long ago, that we'd both have to work to support our family. Just make the time count when you spend it w/your baby. Lots of hugs, kisses and play time! To answer your question, you're doing the exact opposite of negelcting your baby. You love your child and are doing you best which will result in happy child :) Good luck!

Answer 9

I also felt this way with my first son and i was always rushing the days away and now i dont remember anything about his baby years i am now pregnant again and am planning on staying home at least untill my baby is a year old the time flys by so fast i want to remember it all

Answer 10

Sounds like you're doing as much as is humanly possible, given the circumstances. You already spend as much time with him as you can, and you're not "babying him". You can't spoil an infant. You can't love a child too much. All that does is give him extra security, and isn't that a good thing? You're doing fine. Try not to feel guilty for not being perfect. None of us are. You just do the best you can and love your kids as much as you can. There's no such thing as too many hugs and kisses.