What to do...some opinions from people other than my girlfriends please!!?

Question

I am about 3 mths. pregnant and I told the guy that I have been seeing in Dec. He has 2 kids already and doesn't want anymore of them, which he has made clear from the beginning. I am only 20 and he is quite a bit older than me (10 years) and there are other complications as well. But besides the point, I feel like I will be letting my dad down, and a lot of other people as well if I have to tell them. I know that the guy that I have been seeing wants me to have an abortion and I have an appt. In a few days, I don't know what I want to do and I feel like it will be too late if I wait any longer. I also travel a lot for my job (about 3.5 hrs. every monday and friday) and it will be hard to do that with a child. I just wanted some opinions on what some outsiders think other than my girlfriends which all don't like the man that I am involved with. Thanks!

We work together and he is my boss (only one of the complications, and that's not the major one) I have thought about abortion, adoption, and keeping the child. I can support the baby, my dad has told me two times not to call him. If i am in jail, or pergnant and not married. It will be harder than expected. The father of the baby doesn't want any more kids, but will still be here if I decide to have it (contrary to popular belief, he isn't that bad) and would never be a deadbeat dad.

Answer 1

You have so many options in front of you. It must be very overwhelming for you but you have a lot of choices, which is a good thing. Ultimately, it is your decision and you're the one that needs to decide what is best for you. And, there is no right or wrong decision to this. You need to give yourself enough information on all the possibilites so you can make an informed decision. Deciding to go through with the abortion is something that will stay with you forever. It's not something you can take back so make sure you are deciding this for you and not because you are feeling pressured by your boyfriend or because you don't want to disappoint your father. If you decide against an abortion then you can consider adoption or keeping the baby. Which is also a decision that will stay with you for the rest of your life. There are plenty of resources in communities and cities for women that are in your very situation.

Why do your friends dislike this man that you are dating? Is it because they are looking out for you? If so, then maybe you want to consider what it is they don't like about him and see if there is any truth in it.

Your father is going to love you regardless of your decision. It may not seem like it and you may fear that he won't but a parent's love for a child is unconditional, despite what people say. He might not like your decisions but he still loves his daughter.

You'll decide what is right for you. And, if you don't know what the right decision is then maybe you want to talk to your family about this or someone in your community that handles these types of issues.

Here is a site that I found that has a Pregnancy Options Workbook. It discusses pregnancy, adoption and abortion. Raises lots of questions that you are dealing with right now.

http://www.pregnancyoptions.info/pregnant.htm

This website offers local resources in the community. You can call to talk to a counselor or you can email them. All of which is anonymous.

http://www.abortionfacts.com/

You are not alone in this and you can turn to people that offer help because it is their job and they are skilled in this exact situation. And, you seem to have a strong support network with your girlfriends that are looking out for you.

If you do decide to keep this baby you need to get to your ob/gyn so you and the baby can get checked out.

All the best!

Answer 2

My guess is you don't really want to have this abortion or you wouldn't be asking this question. Don't do it if you're having 2nd thoughts because you will always regret it. And seeing as you are 20 years old now and an adult, you should not let anyone else's opinion influence this very personal decision, including the opinion of your dad.

As for the baby's father, it does not sound as if he will be a very supportive person in any of this. And although it will make things harder on you, he doesn't really have to be. If his circumstances prevent him from being a father and support to you, you can raise this child on your own. People do it all the time. You do, however, have a right to child support for the baby you created together so do not let him get away without taking on at least that much responsibility. And I don't know what kind of "complications" are involved... maybe he's married, who knows ... but don't let that stop you from looking out for the welfare of your child. Let him worry about that.

As for your job situation, is there any possible way to pick up and move closer to work to make being a single mom a little easier on you? There are plenty of programs out there to help young single moms with food and housing. Just look into all of your options before making a rash decision. Best of luck, honey...

Answer 3

I don't like him either. Your girlfriends are right on the mark. Children ARE hard to deal with. If you have it, you have 2 choices....18 years (minimum) of dedicating yourself to this child or giving it up to a family who will adopt it and love it. If you decide to have an abortion, make sure you get proper counseling...after the fact as well as before. Some people have more problems, psychologically afterwards.

As you are already pretty far along, you won't be able to get the same type of an abortion that you would have in the 1st trimester. You will probably need a D&E. It's more involved and more painful. If you intend to go this route, don't wait much longer. This option is only available up to 24 weeks and then an abortion is much, MUCH more complicated and may require a hospital stay. It may even be illegal in your state.

I wish you the best, whatever you choose...but I also recommend you lose the boyfriend. He's not good for you.

Answer 4

I wouldn't have an abortion. Instead if you don't think you can take care of this child once it is born then that is fine. You do have anouther option you can put your baby up for adoption there are so many couples out there who want children. And I believe that is you best alterniative. And don't worry about letting your father down he loved you from the moment you were born and he will love you now even after you tell him. Hey you never know he may just help you out in the long run. Just think on that before you abort PLEASE! I think that will be your biggest mistake ever if you do abort.

Answer 5

I would give your kid up for adoption and not have an abortion if you can't take care of it or dont want to give it up for adoption. My mom worked in an emergency room for many years (like over 20) and she told me if you have a baby and decide you can't or don't want to care for it you can annonymously drop it off at any emergency room within 3 days, no questions asked.

If you are 20 you are old enough to be independent and you shouldn't let your dad control you. It isn't like you're still in high school. Also you have a job so you seem to be able to take care of yourself.

I think if you consider abortion you'll regret it. Look into adoption, sometimes open adoption is an option. That is where someone else raises your child but has contact with you of some sort, usually letters and sometimes visits. You still get to see your child grow up to a point but don't have to be the primary raiser of your child. Look into it.

Answer 6

If you are questing rather you should do it, than you probably shouldn't. Your parents will be more supportive than you think. Please think long and hard about this before you do it because I would hate to think that you would regret this later on down the road. And not trying to be mean, but did you know that the baby has a heartbeat and is alive and can move, even suck its thumb and grasp? I am 14 weeks learned alot about my baby at my doctors appt yesterday. Good luck and remember A baby is forever, the guy your are with could leave you in a week and then you would have lost your baby and BF. I would choose a baby over a man any-day!!!!

Answer 7

Ok i'm only 18, but pregnant at the moment. When i first fell pregnant i listened to my girlfriends 2 and also my parents and my b/f(which isn't now). My best mate try to get me to get rid of my baby and his dad wanted the same thing. My parents were dead understanding and my x wanted the baby. At the end of the day tho its up 2 u. U have to live everyday of your life thinking what if i had of kept this baby what would of happen.I think u need to have a think on your own not with what people will think or what people will say. Ur man as well is well out of order at the end of the day if u and him settled down one day what happens if u wanted kids at a later date??would he leave u or would he stay with you i think u need to give him a wake up call or the boot.Please tho think about what u wanna do first ya life can still go on ya girlfriends seem as tho they will support u.I hope this helps lol even tho I've went on

Answer 8

It is your decision. You need to think about what it would be like to have a child and possibly raise it by yourself. A baby is a life long commitment and you want that child to be happy. You need to consider the amount of time, the cost, daycare, if you are ready, insurance and so on and so forth. You have to be ready to give up what you've known to refocus on another. Having a child is a wonderful thing but comes with a lot of attachments. Maybe some forums for new moms would help you make a decision by reading what it would be like.
Good luck.

Answer 9

Any man that wants you to kill your baby isn't worth the time you spend worrying about him. You are 3 months which means your baby is totally formed and has a beating heart and all of its organs. I had my first ultra sound at 13 weeks with my third and it was amazing - you could see his hands and feet and arms and legs and head and everything. How could you do that? You may disappoint your dad and have to stop traveling, but sometimes that is what you have to do. It is called growing up and accepting responsibility for your actions. Parents make sacrifices for their children, that is what it is all about.
You need to dump the guy and have the baby. If nothing else, give it up for adoption once it is born, but please don't take its rights away just because you got pregnant.

Answer 10

My mom was in the same situation as you were. The guy didn't want her to have me. She didn't feel she could have an abortion. When she told him she couldn't do it, he told her to give me up for adoption. Needless to say when he called to see how she was after the birth, he was a little surprised to hear me in the background. My mom was afraid to tell her family, but they were very supportive.

The "sperm donor" as I like to refer to him has never been a part of my life. My father adopted me as the "sperm donor" gave up his rights without a fight.

It was hard on my mom, she went through a lot, but she made it through.

I turned out great, I have an amazing Mom and the most amazing father.

Only you will know what is best for you. Take the time to think about it.

Best of luck.