Is marriage possible?

Question

I don't understand how it is possible for 2 people to get married and make vows to be with one another for the rest of their lives. The last thing I want is a divorce. If I get married I am going to mean it. I just don't understand how I can make that commitment. I don't know what will happen or what I will be like in the n ext 5 10 15 years. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO IT? I am involved with a girl and we have dated for several years. She wants to get married but I am scared to death. I am going to lose her.

Answer 1

You can't beat yourself up with "what-ifs". What if you die tomorrow? What if martians invade? What if monkeys take over and ban marriage alltogether?

Don't sweat the future my friend, just make sure you love each other, talk to her about your anxieties...I'm sure she has some too. Then when you are ready, your ready....just do it.

Answer 2

Well, if you're concerned that you can't make the commitment to your girlfriend, then that may be your intuition telling you it's not quite right. OR...you could be so scared that you can't see past the fear. In 10 or 15 years you'll basically be the same person you are today, just a little bit older and wiser, you'll have made some mistakes and learned from them. But your basic wants, needs, and who you are as a person will be the same as you are right now. I look in the mirror, and don't see a 41 year old, I see the same kid I was in high school (ok, maybe college!), I just have more experience and am more mature and patient. Don't let the fear make the decision for you here, and I almost think you are. You'll regret that for the rest of your life.

But it is definitely possible for 2 people to get married, and stay married for a lifetime. You have to love each other, you have to be selfless, communicate your feelings with each other, you have to compromise, be patient and be kind to each other. You have to keep courting each other, even after 10, 15 years of marriage, and you've got 2 or 3 kids that you're running to dance, soccer, baseball, ice skating, etc., etc., and at night you're both exausted from living. THAT'S what's hard to do over a lifetime, but it is possible. My parents have done it for 41 years, my in laws for 54 years, and my husband and I for 19 years.

Look at your relationship honestly, and without fear. If you honestly love this woman, and realize that losing her isn't an option for you, then take that leap into marriage! It's risky for anyone, but if you really work at your marriage, and remain committed to it and your wife, then divorce won't be an option either, you'll work through the problems that arise in life. Best of luck to you!

Answer 3

My hubby and I had been together 3 years before we got married. We wanted to be sure we would be ready for the step of marriage. We decided that we loved each other and for something to fall apart one of us would have to let it happen. We have now been together 7 years altogether and 4 of them we have been happily married and continue to go strong. We know there is a possibility that down the road we could be divorced, but we have found we are happier than even before we were married. Don't let fear get in the way, so many other things can happen that people still do and enjoy. Like bungee jumping, or skydiving, or driving, or getting married, we all are scared of something. A faulty cord, or a faulty parachute, or a wrong turn or careless driver, and of course a divorce. I am glad we took that chance. And the most important thing is you do not want a divorce, so hopefully you will do what you can, and she will try to do the same. My parents divorced, and over half of my siblings didn't make it to the year mark.

Answer 4

No! Don't think like that. It is a big responsablity, but if you love her, you will be perfectly capable of making her happy. You won't lose her, it's the other way around. You'll have her forever. As long as you both put effort into making your relationship work, and communicating, everything should be fine. It's normal to be scared, but you're showing you can really committ if you way you want to mean it when you get married. A few years later you will be happy that you made a good decision in marrying someone you love. Just make sure you really do. :]
And love grows, so it won't matter what happens in 15 years because you will both love eachother more than ever for sticking with one another. :]
Don't see marriage as something scary or horrible. Haha...it's something happy and nice!

Answer 5

First of all, I applaud you for your honesty and your very real assessment of the challenges involved in marriage.

There's so much I'd like to say to you but the format of Yahoo! Answers makes it unreasonable.

About all I can tell you is this - making the commitment to marriage IS worth it. Yes, people change and stuff happens. You'll offend your wife over time and she will hurt you too. That's just part of being human. What you DO with that is the real challenge. If you both have it in your mind that divorce is an option, chances are very, very good that eventually one of you will pull the plug on the marriage.

If you can go into it, however, both very much committed to the conviction that divorce ISN'T an option for you, you stand a much better chance of doing the hard work necessary to stay with each other during the inevitable hard times.

Very, very good question. Email me if you want any more info, suggestions or think I'm crazy.

Best to you.

Answer 6

If marriage is important to her she will prob leave. No one knows how a marriage is going to turn out. But, if both those people make a vow to try every possible way to make it work you should be okay. I once heard somewhere from an old couple how there marriage last for so long and there reply was that they never fell out of love with each other at the same time. I thought that was the best advice I ever heardl,

Answer 7

Please don't commit to someone, you are not mature enough yet to do this. You will end up breaking her heart. When you really love someone, you don't put your needs ahead of hers. No one knows what the next 5, 10, 15 will be like. The only predictable thing about life is that it is unpredictable.
When the time is right, you can't imagine being without this person and you find ways to make it work, (not excuses for it not working). That way, you build your future together so in 5, 10, 15 years whatever comes your way, it will be your lives as one together you figure out, not just your own.

An infant's world revolves around themselves. That is the the way it should be. When they get a little older they learn to share toys. When they grow older, they learn not to hurt others feelings. This is how we mature. Our lives continue to expand and include others. When you are mature enough, you want to expand more to include a wife, then more still to include children.

Answer 8

You won't ever be 100% sure. When I got married 10 years ago, I swore that was it. One day my ex looked at me and told me he wanted a divorce. You can't control what the other person thinks or does. You can however take a chance and enjoy it like it will last forever. That way if it does, you won't be surprised. My parents are still married after 32 years of marriage. They HAD to get married because my mom was pregnant with me, you never know.

Answer 9

Marriage is an awful lot of work. It's true that people grow and change over the years, but the key is to learn how to grow and change together. If you change in different ways than each other, you need to learn how to accept changes. People a lot of times give up and get divorced without even trying because they always expect things to be rosy all the time. The truth is that no marriage is perfect; there are lots of ups and downs, you just have to be sure that it would be okay and you'd get through it.

Answer 10

if you are questioning it you may not be ready it is a life changing thing for sure and it is VERY hard sometimes my theory what works for both my husband and I is don't be afraid to try different things I don't mean swinging but like maybe get a mirror so it looks like you have 2 girls...haha I don't know dress up don't ever let it get boring when you get married you both find common ground and hopefully should both still have your freedom without someone questioning you everytime you leave the house that alone will make you more comfortable with it, trust me I've done things you can only imagine I was so wild and I settled done and we still have fun, together just find someone you feel comfortable telling stuff to otherwise it will never work, I tell my husband anything you know stupid stuff like hey I pick my nose..lol...or you don't like cuddling all the time whatever it is just feel that first

Answer 11

There are no guarantees in life. No one sets out to be divorced, but it happens. You are absolutely correct that you will not know what you want for sure in the future.
All you can do is the best commitment possible.
Marriage is about sharing a life & having a family together.
I'm not going to say go for it because it is a personal choice. I believe it's worth it inspite of the statistics. Been there done that and I'd do it again.
I love marriage...........& will be again.