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I just got married in November 2006 and my husband and I have been having some problems. I guess the problems that any newly wed couple has. Recently I found out that my husband is using cocain, womens instinct. We've had this problem in the past when we where dating. I found out he was using a couple of times, but he always had an excuss and promised that he would never do it again, that it was peer presure, but that he was done with it. He has had a verry hard life when he was young, and I think he has some unsolved issues. He really is a great person, has the biggest heart and I know he really loves me and cares about me, and he does not act abusive in any way, but I just dont know what to do about this situation, it really bothers me. I know I need to get him help, but he is verry stuborn, and he wont do it for himself. How do I confront him about his cocain use? I really dont want to give up on him, but I dont know what to do anymore?

2007-02-13 06:26:16 · 39 answers · asked by lacrazy010 1 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

39 answers

Get friends and family members together and do an intervention.

2007-02-13 06:29:40 · answer #1 · answered by Rossonero NorCal SFECU 7 · 1 0

You might try to see if you can involve some member-s of your family and of his family in a discussion of this cocain problem with your husband, and of the possibilities of professional help that he may have access to. This is a very serious issue for both of you, as it is a real family you together are trying to start. Eventually you may get children, and in the long run you may not be able to go on keeping this cocain-problem of your husband hidden. There wil come a time when they will know, and you must think that you as parents consciously or unconsciously will be the first role-models for your children. And your children instinctively naturally will learn some of the habits, good and bad, of their own father. As you can see this is a very serious issue, and maybe it is best for all if you are drastic now. An addiction, any kind of addiction, is not something you just can say: "now I stop with it, and for ever". No! An addiction really possesses the addict, and a long and maybe also very expensive training may be necessary to try to get out of it, to try to get free. Therefore it is now that you must be drastic if you want to really try to eliminate this addictive harmful practice from your life.

2007-02-13 07:09:19 · answer #2 · answered by pasquale garonfolo 7 · 0 0

Okay, well my suggestion to you is this, you obviously have confronted him already before you got married and he told you he would stop, but he didnt or you think he didnt that is not good. What is causing him to go back to the drugs is the issue here? Has there been any stressful events, have you been fighting, is he not happy or is it the friends that he might hang around with. Look there really is no other way than sitting him down, and letting him know that you suspect that he is still using drugs. Be calm, warm, reassure him that you love him and that you will get him help also tell him how much you love him, and that you want him to get help so both of you can be happy. If he tells you that he will stop and he does not want help, honey he is lying if he lied to you before he will lie to you now. Both of you can seek professional help, and if I were you I would go with him. Try that, its worth trying to help the man you love, if he refuses to change, and give it up you need to leave before it gets worse. Cocaine Addicts sooner or later become extremely violent. Think about it...
God Bless

2007-02-13 06:38:42 · answer #3 · answered by Alex 2 · 1 0

I don't know this is a hard one I am a recovering coc addict I have not touched it in over 2 years now and I had to come to it on my own I put myself into rehab I think maybe make sure the people you guys hang out with are supportive people and you be supportive because it is something you will need people when you finally decide to stop I had to change all of my surroundings my friends and know that people were there to help me in any way like people I could call at 4am if I all of a sudden had the urge to use I finally got a sponsor to do that and even though your married he may need a guy to help him with that don't be offended by that it is good as long as he is a good example

2007-02-13 06:46:45 · answer #4 · answered by phoenix 1 · 0 0

Cocaine is highly addictive and there is no short coming when you say casual use. Either you use cocaine or your don't there is no middle ground. People who say they are casual users are simply that, users.
There is no excuse as to why or how. Especially since you are married and perhaps have or will be going to have a family. No matter how much you love him, you have to face the fact that your husband has two options. One quite cocaine for good. There is no amount of peer pressure in this world that is more important than your wife. Option two choose cocaine and you leave. That is the only recourse that you have. Should there be children involved you are now exposing children and your family to substance abuse. Not to mention the legal ramifications of his actions and subsequently yours, if you do nothing to distance or stop this childish fixation.

2007-02-13 06:35:04 · answer #5 · answered by GoodWillHunt 3 · 1 0

Well, think about the repercussions of staying with him.
1. If you don't separate or leave him - he will continue to use, esp. since there is no penalty for his behavior.
2. It's illegal
3. It's unhealthy physically & emotionally - addicts can't have relationships that are constructive.
4. Have you checked your credit lately? That habit is expensive. You want to hang around til you have nothing left?
5. What if he ends up in jail or prison? He could get all messed up and accidentally kill someone when driving that way or get into trouble numerous other ways. Then you both get sued for your assets, be it money in a bank or a home.

How can you count on him for anything? Don't you think you are entitled to a partner you can count on?
Insist on rehab NOW or tell him the relationship can't go on. If you don't you're going to pay the price - mark my words.

2007-02-13 06:42:14 · answer #6 · answered by Lake Lover 6 · 1 0

OMG you sound like what I went through! My husband and I were together 2 1/2 years in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship before we got married. He used to do weed and I never caught him with cocain, but I'll tell you he was very moody, especially at night! I used to ask for advice and all of them said drugs! When I confronted him, he didn't say no, but he didn't say yes. We got into all sort of agruements after that and basically we didn't work out after only 10 months of married we were divorced. We both couldn't handle each other, he didn't quit and I couldn't accept!

2007-02-13 06:34:25 · answer #7 · answered by DrPepper 6 · 1 0

Hmm Married 3months only and he's already doing cocaine again* wow*! You said you both have been having some "newlywed problems" I wouldn't classify COCAINE as a newlywed problem*........It's going to pull you two apart faster than anything you've ever known. HIs habit will intensify and you will tthen have alot more problems on your hands, financially...work...(could lose it all) He could get busted* and spend time in prison* You could lose your home as you wont have money to pay for the billls as it's going to his habit* and that habit only gets worse as he'll need more and more*, it will eventually take over everything*
If he doesn't want the help........you need to make it clear he gets the help your offering him to save your marriage...... or you won't be around to watch him self destruct* and lose everything. Aks him whats more important..the cocaine or your life together*~ his lying of he stopped...is part of the addiction...not wanting to own up to what he's doing and thinking he has it under control>GOODLUCK*

2007-02-13 06:33:27 · answer #8 · answered by friskymisty01 7 · 1 0

HI, my heart and soul goes out to you and your husband, first you can't help him if he doesn't want it. If he will agree see a couples therapist, from there you and confront him about his usage and the worries you have. I am glad to hear that there is no abuse but usage is the abuse, but with your love and therapy he can get over the problems of the past and learn to move on with the new life he and you have started together, I will be praying for you both good luck....

2007-02-13 06:33:39 · answer #9 · answered by eeyore6838 5 · 1 0

All you can do is tell him how you feel about it. If he does not want to stop nothing you say will make a difference and he may drag you down a life of dependence, pain and agony.

Hainv faced something simialr I really just laid it on the line. Stop, get help or I am gone. Gave her a chance to stop (drinking), she didn't - I moved on. She is still a drunk 20 years later. I made the right decision.

Oh - you might also want to seek the help of a good counsler to help you through your feeling. As a spouse it is easy to feel guilty about leaving someone who is "sick" . Yes drug use is a "sickness" but it is also a choice.

2007-02-13 06:32:41 · answer #10 · answered by Bob 4 · 1 0

The only thing you can do is confront him and tell him exactly how you feel. If he truly loves you, he will try to seek help.
Don't ask him to quit, ask him to let you help him. Find a good therapist or counselor and go see them. Find a good rehab clinic in your area, and talk about it with him and the counselour during therapy.

If he refuses help, then unfortunately you must make a choice. I hate to say it, but if he really loves you he will make the effort, if not you may want to move on.

2007-02-13 06:30:57 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

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