my wife and i are having some marriage problems. i was stupid and had an affair. we are trying to get back to a place where we can be happy again. i really want us to work. but at the same time, i have a feeling that we won't work. will this feeling overcome me and take over, or is it possible to push that aside and achieve my want?
2007-02-13 05:34:07 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
What a scary situation to be in. Since I have been married 26 years, I have never 'wanted' any one else. But if there was someone tempting or tempting me, I would surely do everything possible to not be anywhere around that person. Even to changing jobs. I know that in my marriage, I have felt 'in love' romantically on some days and just in love with my husband. So I know your feelings ebb and flow. I suppose if you keep in mind that goal of being a good partner and making your marraige work, like doing everything you can to make your partner happy, that feeling will take over. Like, what you tell yourself, about yourself ,eventually becomes you. Give yourself positive thoughts about your plan of action and try everyday to adhere to them. How you treat her (hopefully it will be in a positive manner), will make her react in such a way, that she will trust you again (this could take some time,so stick with it) thus making you fall in love again.Gaining her trust again is going to take double duty from you.Is she worth this?
2007-02-13 05:52:35 · answer #1 · answered by La Cicada 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Infidelity is bad for any relationship especially marriage... The effect of having your trust betrayed is definitely not good and it's hard to reverse it... Negative things like doubt, jealousy will creep in... It takes a lot of effort to move on with a relationship tarnished by infidelity... So u must be prepared to really WORK on your relationship...Having negative feelings on the relationship would not help in your effort to savor your damaged relationship..I suggest a lot of communication and discussion with your wife and counseling will do no harm in ur bid to achieve happiness and redemption...
Good Luck...
2007-02-13 06:00:12 · answer #2 · answered by ramzi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmm well lets see you achieved your want the first time and were able to overcome yourself weren't you??? Men like you crack me up. You think the grass is greener on the other side and make a move, then when you find out it isn't all that...you want back in like it never happened at all. You know what ?? Your wife doesn't deserve someone who would do that to her. Walk away and let HER try to be happy now.
2007-02-13 05:38:49 · answer #3 · answered by Eastcoast beachgirl 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It may take a long time and a lot of counseling to heal and you will never be back the same, but there is a lot of hope for you. Relationships don't just "work" because people fit together, they work when you work. Some are harder than others. You just have to ask yourself how much work your willing to do, giving her attention, giving, listening, not arguing
2007-02-13 05:38:32 · answer #4 · answered by wassupmang 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
mate if you had an affair you wernt happy,if you make up how long will it last before you go looking again? people allways paper over the cracks for whatever reasons but whats the point? if its over its over ,make the best of a bad situation dig deep and do what makes you happy,prolonging the recovery of your marraige will only make you more unhappy....... good luck
2007-02-13 06:18:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
depends how much you want it... there is no way this is going to become the relationship it once was over night, you have commited the utmost betrayal to your wife and she is going to be hurting alot, she wont trust you, she prolly wont even like you at sometimes... maybe it will work maybe it wont, get some councelling, but unless you are putting n 110% to make this relationship work and are definatly sure you want it to work and that it will work, then there prolly isnt much hope as you are not commited enough to making it so
2007-02-13 05:38:15 · answer #6 · answered by merrpet 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm. I am unmarried and 34 years old. I am a romantic.
I believe that if you were ever in love, then it can be salvaged.
You have all the details, we don't, but I sure hope that you can work it out. Good luck!!!!!!
One thing my father always tells me... "Don't marry for looks alone, they only last so long."
2007-02-13 05:49:37 · answer #7 · answered by Mark C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If both of you want the marriage to work get into counseling and try to work it out. Good luck.
2007-02-13 05:37:52 · answer #8 · answered by DL 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This feeling is just letting you know that your still a cheatin dog, and the first chance you get you will do it again... Cut her loose so she can have a chance at a real life
2007-02-13 05:44:06 · answer #9 · answered by nalla 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The grass is always greener on the other side,,,, so if YOU are not emotionally stable, it won't matter if you are mirried or divorced...
I suggest you stay with your wife, and just don't get caught next time!!
2007-02-13 05:38:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋