Hi i am 26 yrs old and have been married 2 yrs most of which has been not so happily.We have a daughter who is 1.5 together.When we first got married we agreed to only have one joint account for bills, morgage payments, and other things pertaining to the house all of which would be split 50/50 in payments(this was his idea).For everything else we would have personal accounts.This is not an issue for me because i work and so does my hubby.Recently though i have begun to make more money than my husband by a considerable amount. I bought a red mustang a car i have always wanted for myself in adition to the SUV i normally drive.My husband however is angry that i bought it without talking about it first with him.He starts fights when he see's i bought something new usually clothing, shoes,items for my daughter, and bags.I dont see why i have to answer to him when its my money from my personal account?This was never an issue till recently?
2007-02-13 05:12:44 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
P.S I dont nag or ask where he spends his money all the time. Also this only the tip of the ice berg when it comes to our problems.
2007-02-13 05:15:00 · update #1
If i were to loose my job i have a number of real estate investments to cover any problems.
2007-02-13 05:26:39 · update #2
I do buy my hubby gifts
2007-02-13 05:29:04 · update #3
We also have seperate savings accounts from before we got married.
2007-02-13 05:42:16 · update #4
Maybe he is thinking that would have been a lot of money for a savings account.
I am engaged and my fionce and I put our money together...all of it. He makes considerably more money than I do, but we both realize that we work equally hard for our money, so neither of us deserves it more than the other. I even have two children from my previous marriage that he is helping support. At the end of the month, everything left over gets put into our savings to save for our wedding, future vacations and emergencies that may come up.The point is, we do everything financial jointly.
My opinion is that when two are joined as one as in marriage, that includes finances. All large purchases should be discussed before the commitment is made. There is nothing wrong with having your own money, but you need to think about the fact that the two of you are a couple or should not be married.
2007-02-13 05:27:46 · answer #1 · answered by imtami75 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes-when you're married, buying something major like a car or a house should always be discussed between the two of you. You messed up. He has the right to fuss. As far as the separate accounts go, if he's still cool with that, then it shouldn't be a prob. But just because you could go out and buy a brand new Mustang doesn't necessarily mean you can fit it into your budget probably and he's now p.o'd. If it does fit into your budget, than he's mad because you made the decision without including him-which was wrong on your part.
2007-02-13 05:25:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like the idea of splitting the bills 50/50, but that was a HUGE decision for you to make by yourself, and i think he has a leg to stand on, being a little upset.
clothes and shoes are one thing... even a few hundred dollars on a piece of furniture or whatever is one thing, but a whole mustang.... well thats another issue.
your guy is probably a lil bit jealous that he can't afford a car like that, but you should be taking those feelings into consideration, if you had of consulted him on the decision he probably could have been happy for you instead.
i am glad you are doing well financially, but maybe once you smooth this argument over you should see a counselor for the other issues in your marriage. you are young, and your marriage is young, so if you guys are doing well financially etc... then you should do your best to fix the other problems you speak of.
good luck
♥
2007-02-13 05:32:37 · answer #3 · answered by don't be rude. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The situation is unfortunate. I could not imagine having seperate accounts with my hubby. We have also been though hell and back and have been married for 8 years. We are happy now and have been for about the last 2 years, how we made it I can only blame that on God himself. The odds are against every new marriage, but ya'll put more in the fire with seperate accounts.I can't see why he got mad when you pay your own bills, I think he is more jealous than anything. If you are wanting to keep your marriage together than maybe when you are out shopping pick him something up and put it in his closet where he dosen't feel like you are rubbing the fact that you make more $ in his face. Then he feels that you think of him when you are out. Love is the security, if he feels that you love him than maybe he will be more securMen are funny when it comes to money. But like I said how can he be mad if you have agreed to pay 50/50 on the bills you share.Good luck.
2007-02-13 05:28:10 · answer #4 · answered by cherristee 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Actually even if you have separate accounts doesn't mean you have separate lives! You're married and those kind of thing should be talked about in a marriage! A new car you went to far you should appoligize! Not for buying what you want but not discussing it with him first! You need to relize that even if you making more you're still the women of the house you should show him respect and learn your place as a women! Men like to be needed if he doesn't feel that you need him, well, expect to end up alone!
2007-02-13 05:49:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may have agreed to that, but for large purchases, it is always best to at least discuss it.
This is a tough one, as you shouldn't have to answer to him on how you spend your money. But, you are married, and this is a partnership. Your good fortune in getting more money should also benefit him in some way. I would expect the same thing if he got a nice raise as well.
You stated you buy stuff for yourself and the little one. Ever buy him something you know he wants? Does he use his "personal" money to buy you things?
It just seems that maybe you two need to both enjoy all the money you both make together. Don't get too caught up in the "you money is your money, my money is mine" mentality.
And, as you stated, this is just the tip of the iceberg. Money is always a big cause of problems. If you already have other problems as well, it just adds to it.
2007-02-13 05:25:00 · answer #6 · answered by ? 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I see every first, second and third addition is basically in response for those reading and answering. Are you trying to convince yourself or us that its OK to make life altering decisions without him? Especially on big ticket items. I am sure you might feel less included if he went out and bought a $15k boat without your consent.
When you get married your mate and you have this new and expected mentality is us against them. Us being you and he and them being all the pitfalls of the world. The enemy as it were. The big bad wolfs at the door. Why would you want to make him feel his two cents isn't worth anything? especially with car matters? You know car matters is a guy thing. I would safely say you demasculated him in one mighty red flashy swoop.
2007-02-13 06:38:42 · answer #7 · answered by Kill_Me_Now! 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you are married, everything should be a joint decision- especially decisions like buying cars. I question the need for personal accounts at all. When you married, you stopped being two individuals who had to make it on their own and committed yourselves to being one couple sharing everything. Get rid of the personal accounts and have everything mutual- talk about all purchases over a certain amount. It's not a "I want/He wants" thing in a marriage- it's a we want- especially if you want it to work. Did you feel he wouldn't want you to have the car? Why did you do it without talking to him? My husband and I have had everything joint from the beginnging of our marriage 11 years ago, and never had a dispute over money. Try it- it works when you want it to!
2007-02-13 05:19:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well..If it was an agreement I have no idea why should be a problem...and He shouldn't be mad about small items you buy for your daughter or yourself BUT items like a Car is not like a dress or a pair of shoes, that is something that you should consult with him before you buy it, the reason is not who's money is it...You have a family together and God forbids you lose your job tomorrow...I mean..who will take care of the loan/expense? Your husband I assume?? :-) Good Luck!!!
2007-02-13 05:24:03 · answer #9 · answered by peach_tree67 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well you could've at least told him you were buying something as major as a car , but for the most part ....it sounds to like your husband is jealous of you . nit pickin every little thing that you buy with your money . The bills are paid , It's your account not costing him a Damn thing ,Yup he's jealous.All I got to say is You Go Girl !!!
2007-02-13 05:36:26 · answer #10 · answered by winnerfull-1 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋