How do I end an 18 yr marriage with 2 children?

Question

I've been wanting to tell my wife it's over for so many years, and the only thing keeping me at home is my 2 kids. I love them more than anything, and I do not want them to get hurt. I have tried everything I can think of to keep things interesting, but my wife doesn't pay me any attention. I am so lonely yet I am married. If I do not initiate sex or hugs than nothing ever happens... and we only have sex when she wants it, and most of the time she's not even into it. I try so hard to please her but whenever I try something new no matter how subtle she tells me to stop and pushes me away. I'm so tired of feeling dead inside.

How can I tell her it's over without feeling guilty for my kids and for throwing away 18 yrs? I don't know what to do...

Answer 1

firstly i would have to ask if there is anyway at all that you can save his marriage?? things are a lot harder when you split up, your kids DO get hurt and new relationships make life complicated... try having some marriage councelling, you suggest it to your wife, tell her how you feel and that you are inches from leaving her and that you are prepared to try to save the relationship if she is, it may well be the wake up call she needs...

i hope it works out for you

Answer 2

You aren't doing your kids any favors by staying. They know when their parents aren't getting along and typically are much better off when the parents are apart and can be happy, than when they are stuck in a home where there is tension, no love/affection between their parents (or even actual fighting, etc).

Staying for the kids is just an excuse not to move on because it can be scary. It's like choosing the devil you know (your marriage) over the devil you don't (the single world).

Talk to your wife, be completely open and honest with her. It may be that she feels the same as it certainly doesn't sound as those she's still got warm/fuzzy feelings toward you.

Perhaps things can be fixed, but even if it ends up that you go your separate ways then try to do it as friends and parents who love their kids and want what is best for them...you, she, and the children will be better off for it.

Good luck.

Answer 3

First step: To try and avoid guilt, see a marriage counselor. You need to attempt to resolve this issue. Try all options this will show a good example for your kids in the future if and when you do come to the point of a divorce.

I wouldn't end an 18 year relationship without finding out what the underlying problems are first.

Good luck I know this is a really stress full and difficult time and I know it's not good example for your kids to experience a bad marriage.

Answer 4

you are being honest with yourself, now you need to be honest with her. If she can see that your relationship is at the end, then maybe she will do what it would take to fix it. If not, then she will be hurt...but time will heal it. You are entitled to happiness too, and it is never too late to go get your happy. kids are resilient, they will be sad at first, but they too will heal. I'm sure they can already sense your unhappiness, and would want you to be happy. I left my ex-husband after 10 years of marriage, with 2 kids as well. We were never good for one another, and I finally got tired of plastering on the fake happy face every day. When I finally got brave enough to go, my 12 year old asked me.."what took you so long??" Life has never been better for both me and my girls. Good Luck to you, this is a major decision...start by talking to your wife and see if you can get back some of the feelings that made you guys fall for one another. Counseling is also another good idea... Go find your Happy !!

Answer 5

this troubled marrage is doing both of you no good maybe shes thinking the same as you but is also scared to say .you are doing both of you and you kids no favors. 2 unhappy parents cant be doing them any good. get a baby sitter in because you 2 realy nee 2 talk tell her how you feel. tell her you feel rejected wen she pushes you away ask her what she wants from you she might be so bogged down with kids/house sex is the last thing on her mind. talk to her asap. its worth fighting for 18 years is a long time to just give yp. good luck. xxxxxxxxxxxx

Answer 6

DO WHAT'S BEST FOR YOUR KIDS. Right now being a good father and taking care of your children should be more important than your sex life with your wife. Once they're old enough to move and go to college, then you can split up from your wife and seek happiness elsewhere. Until then, you have an obligation to providing your children with a safe, secure, and stress free home so that they can grow to be the best adults they can be.

Answer 7

My first husband cheated on me. He additionally deserted me. Divorce will set you back the two financially. i've got been via it. that's by no potential a solid element. I say this to you: First, does your husband choose to stay with you and the kinfolk and attempt to paintings it out? If the respond is confident, then i'd proceed to be interior the marriage yet be self sufficient sufficient to attain your man or woman happiness and not matter on him for 'couple togetherness'. There would come a time once you will get the possibility for a romantic activity, new pals, or new faces.You"ll take shipping of the common threat to work together in case you so go with. This worldwide is a tragic and unfair place. i think of it is going to be referred to as 'h_ll".

Answer 8

You are me ten years ago.
First your kids are getting a jaded idea of what love is with your relationship with your wife sitting in the dumps. They are going to think your example of love is what they should strive for in a relationship. end it walk now and take your children with you you don't even need an excuse to end your marriage any more. I tried for fifteen year to get something, anything back and it was a useless waste of life. By waiting for (what) something you are aging and finding the one woman you realize as the one you finally settle in for and want to love and hold hands with till eternity is going to get harder and harder as you age and body parts start taking new shapes. Do it Just get started now and go find the one! settle for nothing less than perfect and don't forget to tell her every day that if it weren't for her you would be nobody

Answer 9

Wow, that's a real drag, but I think you answered your own question, except you told it to the wrong people. You should say what you've just written to her. If she says your silly and makes no attempt to improve the situation, then it would seem it's time to move on. As far as your kids go, Daddy's not leaving, just living somewhere else. A good parent's love for their children never wanes, whether married or divorced. So long as you're always there for your kids, you should be gtg. It's unfortunate to hear your tale of woe friend, but sometimes, we as human beings just gotta move on. Hope things go the way you want 'em to, good luck.

Answer 10

I understand your delima but you need to put yourself 1st. You shouldn't have to stay in a unhappy marriage because of your kids. They may be hurt but they will adjust to any situation. Have you talked to your wife and tried to work things out? If you have and told her how you really feel, and leaving is your only choice then you have to do it to make yourself happy again. Good luck to you !