mother in law?

Question

This is gonna sound really bad, but we dont want my mother in law to have anything to do with the baby. She is a very backstabbing woman who goes out of her way to cause problems for us (not an exaggeration) and is an alcoholic the problem is that she has got it in her head that she is going to be the babysitter. I dont want my child to be around her influence, I am scared she would try to turn it against us, or not look after it properly coz she was drunk. Any suggestions on how I can deal with this?

I am not planning to go back to work for a fair while, she wants to look after the baby on weekends,

Answer 1

Tell her you have already made other arrangements. Tell her that you know she loves this baby but that you would her her have the place as the grandma, not the disciplinarian, full time caregiver, etc. Sugar coat it so you dont have to go into the actual reasons.

Answer 2

She has an illness and needs help, maybe have an intervention with her and the whole family, I can relate to this problem because my own mom is a recovering alcoholic, I am due in May and up until a month ago I wanted my own mother to have nothing to do with my child, she FINALLY got the help that she needed and she is doing wonderful now and is a pleasure to be around. However, she knows if she falls into her old habits that she will not be a part of her grandson's life. What I learned is that you can't sugar coat anything, or avoid this situation. Be straight with your MIL, tell her exactly how you feel, don't hold anything back, she needs to know, that at this point there are no plans of her to be involved in your child's life, encourage her to get help, AA and counseling, otherwise you gotta do what you gotta do! Good Luck

Answer 3

I'd be honest about it right now. Just tell her she cannot be around your baby unattended and alone. That because of her alocholism you cannot trust her. I know it's hard, but it will save you loads of trouble in the future. MAKE SURE YOUR HUBBY DOES THE TELLING! It's not your place and will put you in an akward place of stealing her son and locking away the grandchildren.

My sister and her husband had to do that with his mom. She's not only an alcoholic but also an addict (crack). She'd disappear for days or weeks. No one would hear from her. She'd been in rehab six times and a junkie since her hubby was a kid. Even selling food for crack and losing the kids to foster care.

She still thought she'd be active in this baby's life. AND, a babysitter. Well, they squashed that right away. And, they've had no problems. More importantly ----- no drama!

Answer 4

If your mother in law is alcoholic then you have EVERY RIGHT to refuse to let her watch or supervise your child...just because she's your mother in law does not give her the right to see her grandchild....especially if she drinks heavily and could put your child in harms way. Tell her other arrangements have been made as far as a baby sitter and never leave your baby alone with her. Alcoholism is never something to take lightly...you never want to give in because it's an uncomfortable situation...this is your child and you must protect the baby...even if it means making your mother in law angry. You just never know what could happen...she could pass out while watching the baby, she could be drunk and drop the baby, she could decide to take the baby out for a ride in the car (while driving drunk)....you cannot chance this.

Try to get your mother in law some substance abuse help...but never let your baby out of your sight while around her.

Answer 5

I had/have the same problem with my mother-in-law except she isn't an alcoholic she is just backstabbing and wants to cause problems. She expected to be the babysitter and we just told her the truth that we don't trust her around the baby, she can barely take care of herself let alone a baby. It caused problems she hardly talks to us but honestly with the type of person she is it is a gift. She gets to see her granddaughter about once or twice a month. It was hard but we had to do what was best for our daughter and not worry about her(the motherinlaws) feelings. Good Luck you are probably going to have a rough road ahead of you.

Answer 6

Ugh. I hear ya. My (former) mother-in-law wore a long white gown to my wedding. She was a backstabbing B, too.

Can you put the baby in day care when you go back to work? I'm not sure from the question how much time you spend away from your little one. Aren't there other resources? People (other moms) in your community who can babysit for an occasional Saturday night out with your hubby? You could trade babysitting services with friends/neighbors if you know them well enough. Really need more info to address the question, sorry.

Answer 7

my mother was an alcoholic and I had a very difficult time trying to figure out what role she should play in my daughters life... I had to be very up front about her drinking... She was not aloud to drive my daughter anywhere, or keep her for any extended period of time... My mom realized how this was effecting her relationship with her granddaughter and she went into treatment... It was the best thing that ever happened to our family...Be open and honest maybe she'll decide to change...

She and my daughter were best friends and had an amazing realtionship... My mom died over the summer and I am so thankful that we as a family worked things out... We were able to create amazing memories

Answer 8

My daughter is now 38 yrs. old and my mother in law had to watch her when she was 6 wks old because i had to go back to work when her dads job went on strike an he had to work at a gas station 3rd shift.She came to feel that she was her MOM.I was not aware of this til I quit work when my child was 1 1/2 yrs old so I could have some time with her.She accused me of not feeding her and beating her and locking her in a closet.Told my husband that she could'nt sleep because i was putting my baby to bed hungry.People can be very cruel.But she continued to cause problem's all her life.But I forgave her for my own peace of mind.Keep your baby away from that.You got a lot of good advice all ready so good luck and God Bless.

Answer 9

It's not you who should deal with this but your husband. Yes, you both took that desicion but he should be on the front line, not you. First, because it's his mother. Second, because you are under more stress going through all kinds of hormonal storms, having to deliver the baby and being responsible for his/her everyday care. Men are generally tougher emotionally and can handle unpleasant situations like this better without feeling guilty. Talk about the strategy you are going to use but let it be him who would actually say the words.

Answer 10

Since it seems to be coming to the point where you'll have to confront it directly, just tell her the truth. My MIL is also and alcoholic and we've decided the kids will never be alone with her, but she's never asked so we haven't actually had to tell her that she can't (she lives 500 miles away though). I really think that if she's close enough to think she'll be a regular sitter that eventually you'll run out of excuses not to leave the child with her. Plus, by outright telling her now, maybe you'll piss her off so much that she'll go away on her own.

Answer 11

Sounds like there may be some safety issues with her so do not let her babysit. However, she should be able to see her grandchild and I hope you will let her. Have her come to your home or you go to hers. If she asks about watching your baby, be honest and tell her why you won't let her. I'm sure it will cause hard feelings between you, but your child is #1 and you can't subject her to any unsafe conditions. Hopefully once she sees her grandchild, she will straighten up and fly right.