My husband and I seperated about 25 months ago because neither of us were really ready I think. Our communication was poor and we fought a lot over stupid things. I still love him, that has never changed but we decided that we just didn't work. Now after all this time apart we've both grown as individuals and matured and I find myself wondering more and more if we could work now. He made the intial decision for the seperation, and I don't know if he would even be willing to try again. We have been able to salvage our friendship, could my feelings jepordize that? Is this normal? Do I need counseling? Has anyone else ever felt this way?
2007-02-13 04:59:02 · 14 answers · asked by The Pretty Kitty 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Counselling would be a good idea. After we have lived apart from another we begin to forget about the difficult times and focus on what was positive. It is part of the grieving process. Although you did not have anyone die you did lose a husband, the role of a married woman, the dreams that you probably had of the life that you would share and other factors. By sitting down and discussing this with a counsel or you will be able to process these emotions and I sense that you have a great deal of regret over the decision but think about how you may have felt differently when it was initially decided.
Is he interested in rekindling the relationship? It sounds like he is content with the friendship and you may be going in a different direction emotionally than he is. That may lead to sadness, frustration and depression on your part.
Talk it over with a neutral party that has no knowledge of what you have been doing and she/he will help guide you to making the right decision or finding closure so you can move on. I hope this helps and be gentle with yourself, many people that have been in a relationship go thought the, "what ifs", you are not along. God bless and best of luck.
2007-02-13 05:07:22 · answer #1 · answered by Deirdre O 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you are feeling is completely normal. After being apart for sometime you forget a lot of the bad feelings and you also grow and realize the things that you did to make the relationship bad. You have to ask yourself how much he has changed? How much you have changed? If you want to try again with him you should talk with him about it. He may be able to tell you how he has changed and if he thinks a new relationship will work. It is okay to be scared of rejection or scared you may fail again. Most things in life that are worth doing have some fear associated with it. If he agrees that it might be worth getting back together and trying again, counseling can't hurt. Find a good therapist that is pro-marriage...some aren't. You may also benefit from some counseling even if you and your husband don't get back together.
2007-02-13 05:10:52 · answer #2 · answered by transpersonalpsychologist 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are both willing to accept responsiblity for your end of the problems in your relationship, you might be able to work things out, but it takes both of you- not just one. Make sure your relationship is/was based on something very strong- it sounds like you have a good friendship, which is awesome- do you also have unconditional love so that you can find your way to compromise when bad stuff starts happening? Remember that you can't do it alone- both of you have to do it together. Communicate with your husband and see if it can work. If neither of you have done anything that is unforgivable, then there is hope. Good luck.
2007-02-13 05:08:55 · answer #3 · answered by Peace 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you should be getting counseling to sort out your feelings etc. If you want to make a go of it again, speak to your husband about this and if he agrees than both of you should try marriage counseling.
The order is a little backwards (should have sought marriage counseling before separation), but it doesn't mean it won't work. At the worst you will both have a stronger friendship and at best a good marriage.
Good luck.
2007-02-13 05:14:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you guys gave up too soon. When I got married my husband and I fought all the time about the stupidest things. It took 4yrs till we booth realized we where being petty, we where Lucky we figured it out with out counseling. Now we have been married 14yrs and have 2 boys. You need to talk to him, and if he doesn't want to start over then yes you should get help for your self. Good luck
2007-02-13 05:21:56 · answer #5 · answered by BeBu 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are at a point in your life where you feel able to handle marriage better. Ask him out for lunch or coffee and ask if he is dating anyone. Do not jump into bed with him because that could be very awkward later. Also don't go out to dinner there are too many expectations for dinner like who is paying and such.
2007-02-13 05:06:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It very much sounds like it could be of help.
Counseling could clarify the issues involved
and if both decide to get back together, it could help avoid the problems that led to both of you splitting in the first place.
2007-02-13 05:08:39 · answer #7 · answered by 12dozen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The reason why you think that you "could work" now, is because you didn't before. We hate failure and we are loath to admit it. That said, a counselor can help you better than anyone, she/he are going to know much more than you can explain in a question...
2007-02-13 05:05:21 · answer #8 · answered by Blue 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think your first step would be to speak with your husband. See hoe he feels about reconciliation & counceling. I he is willing you should get counceling. I wish you luck.
2007-02-13 05:06:11 · answer #9 · answered by genuine1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Counceling can be great and help alot ...BUT...Everybody has to be willing to try not just one person.
Good Luck if you decide to give it a try...
2007-02-13 05:10:15 · answer #10 · answered by curious_59 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋