I've been told by a close friend that I scare them. Yeh, that hurts. We were messing about and I put him in a wrist lock, he said ouch, your hurting me but for some reson i carried on for a bit. It's hapened before too.
Personality wise, I'm always on guard. I don't like to let people close although once we're going out then it's ok.
Basically this is playing havok with my love life. Guys are scared of me and even the brave ones are stone-walled. What can I do? How can I be a more trusting person? How can I sort out what seems to be an unconcious agression?
Help me, please.
2007-02-13 04:55:01 · 15 answers · asked by Moi? 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
thats how serial killers start out
2007-02-13 04:58:43 · answer #1 · answered by thestarhooligan 1 · 2⤊ 2⤋
How we act "or rather react" is based on, for the most part, our past experience. We all have "trauma" or negative association with/toward something. Learning to properly cope with day to day life is most likely the most important skill a person can learn. You obviously do not cope in a manner which acheives your goals. Try changing the things you can change "such as surroundings, friends, habbits, or whatever" and accept the things you cannot change by copeing with them constructivly. It is an every day thing when you live, but by rationaly modifying behavior and thought proccess you can control anger; because of course anger is just the frontal lobe shutting down as a defense mechanism. And often hurt is turned into anger and this is another thing that one must avoid as it is easier to deal with hurt than it is to have to unmask anger just to cope with the hurt hidden under.
2007-02-13 13:09:40 · answer #2 · answered by Tiamat13 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its not that your too aggressive, I just think maybe you are afraid to let people get too close to you for fear that they will either not like you if they know the real you, or you are afraid if you let people get too close to you that they will either hurt you in the end or that your afraid of getting hurt. Maybe even you are shy and don't know what to say to people and this is your way of communicating. If you were an uncaring person, you wouldn't give a crap what they thought, but you do care, which is a start. Maybe you just dont know how to act yet and will grow into your own. (you didnt mention your age). This can be just part of who you are and if you feel its something you need to change, work on it, think before you say or do something(ask a best friend what you need to work on) apologize to those you have hurt and tell them your trying to change, and before you know it, your friends will not see you as"scary" anymore. Good Luck.
2007-02-13 13:08:43 · answer #3 · answered by 3boys 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
...hi....somewhere in your past there are experiences and stories which have enabled your defenses...and probably before you even got the opportunity to realize and develop your rational self.
yes...you don't trust. people who do not trust do not trust for reasons which amount to being disabled from meeting others on terms which show their genuine self and perhaps mostly due to realizations of others which hinder their genuine self.
i would submit to you that your defenses prop up while this role playing between your self and others is occurring.
i am sure you are only partly invested in the person which is defensive/offensive. it has probably provided a safe space for you in hostile/critical environments and now that you see what it has done and is doing to relationship prospects you wish to invest in the person which is less defensive/offensive.
it will mean that you will need to know who it is you are in total...or moreso in total. a discovery.
i would recommend that you not take the advice of those who would seek to get behind your defenses and render you for their own purpose....which will more and less be pertaining to having you in their own controls so to disown with their own inabilities to relate what is valueable of them...since they are probably paid for the work of making you mushy so they can take your children into closets and remake them also.
yeah.,...see a good counsellor.
i am not that expensive.
**winks**
be well
2007-02-13 13:31:10 · answer #4 · answered by noninvultuous 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me like you enjoy seeing people in pain or discomfort, or yu like to annoy people. It's not really a bad thing just a flaw that people have. I have a friend like this but im kinda used to it now. To be honest i cant really think of anything to make you stop doing this because its your personality. You and only You need to overcome it and try to get this flaw out of your head, or satisfy it with other things, like in the bedroom for example (If you go into intimate relationships that is) hope this is some help to you.
2007-02-13 13:07:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
it sounds like youve been hurt in the past by a loved one and have put up barriers to stop people being able to hurt you .I used to be like that myself, until i met a wonderful man who restored my faith in humanity.we have been together for t20years now and hes never hurt me in any way.Learn to let people in more, even if you are still a little cautious and know that there are good people out there.Maybe some councelling might also help you.good luck
2007-02-14 07:07:26 · answer #6 · answered by Ramona 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you have a problem and if you don't change you will become a very lonely person. I assume by your avatar you are female. If so, that's a very unfeminine way to act. Men don't find 'tough', aggresive females attractive. Try to change yourself. If you find you can't, then see a therapist.
2007-02-13 13:03:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same situation as you. Maybe your defensive because you don't want to look weak. If people messed with you when you were young(as with me) then it seems natural to me that you will be defensive.
2007-02-13 13:11:24 · answer #8 · answered by monkey_scout 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Promise you`ll never become a nurse.Get Help.
2007-02-16 04:12:29 · answer #9 · answered by theresa_rawson 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you've probably confused defensive with offensive.
defending yourself is more like standing up for yourself and trying to avoid conflict.
it sounds like you go way past defensive and begin to attack people either verbally or emotionally.
2007-02-13 13:03:26 · answer #10 · answered by Sgt. Pepper 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you are angry at someone or something that happened to you when you were little and you have suppressed it. you should talk to a councillor who could help.
2007-02-13 13:10:16 · answer #11 · answered by nosy old lady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋