Jack Bauerisms?

Question

Please give me your best ***ORIGINAL*** (not from the internet) Jack Bauerism.

For example:
"When Jack Bauer ran out of ammo, he caught 3 bullets in his chest and used them to reload."

Answer 1

the city of los angeles once named a street after jack bauer in gratitude for saving the city several times. they had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. no one crosses jack bauer and lives.

when a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face jack bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death.

when life gave jack bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. jack bauer hates lemonade.

When Jack quietly utters the words, “Kill me.”, it's not a request, it's a dare!

When Jack Bauer jumps in the water, he doesn get wet, the water gets Jack Bauered.

Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg

jack bauer wasn't addicted to heroin. heroin was addicted to jack bauer.

jack bauer once won a game of connect 4 in 3 moves.

This isnt a jack bauerism, but it's pretty cool--its a prayer

Our Jack, who art in CTU
Courageous be thy name.
Thy Tony come, Thy Kim be done!!
In Mexico, as in LA.
Give us this week our weekly show and forgive us our missed episodes as we forgive the weeks that the episodes missed us.
Lead us not into Sherry's lair and bring Nina to justice.
For Primetime and FOX is yours now and forever.

Answer 2

This isn't really what you're asking for, but my fave Jack Bauer QUOTE from the real show is, "The only reason you're conscious right now is because I didn't feel like carrying you." I look forward to reading the Bauerisms from other answerers!

Answer 3

Jack Bauer is sleeping with Chuck Norris' wife, and Chuck knows it.

Answer 4

I've got a visual on my chef's salad order.