Why are most marriages so unequal?

Question

I'm just refering to the fact that in most marriages that I know of it is so unfair to the woman. Most men these days want it all. They want us women to work, do all the housework and cooking, take care of the kids, do the shopping, ect.......Meanwhile, they put in there 8 measly hours a day at work, come home and eat the supper that you made, then take off and zone out infront of the computer or television all night, while we clean up the dishes, bath the kids, supervise homework, read the bedtime stories, get thier coffee and newspapers, take out the garbage, and still have energy for sex. Just wondering what makes you men so much more important that we have to pamper your asses or put up with your whining and pouting as a result?

Answer 1

I know lots of men who are like this. I think it is their mama's doing a disservice to all the prosepective wives out there. When the mama does everything for the husband and the children, these men think that is the way of the world! I think if more of the mama's, who have had to deal with these men you have mentioned, raise their children to be self-sufficient and do things for themselves and not wait for someone else to do it for them, then this would be a little easier for everyone involved. Make your children take out the trash. Make them help out...if you we do that as a whole, then these men might get off their bum and lend a hand in the household chores and raising their children!

Answer 2

you have just described my soon to be ex husband to a "T". And that is why he is going to be my ex husband!! We were together for 5 years and married for 3. He was the type to always nag and complain about work, come in sit in front of the t.v. for hours on end, while i fixed dinner, done the laundry, and bathed the kids. And then would pout when i was too tired at the end of the day to give him some sex. Did i forget to mention that our son is special needs, and his daddy NEVER once stayed at the house for the 4 therapists he had a week (physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech thereapy, etc), he NEVER took him to a doctor's appointment, he never took him to any of the meetings i had to go to at school, for him to get into early start...so yea, i feel your pain. But now, i am with a guy who i have been friends with for about 13 years, and he is the complete opposite!! If i am cooking dinner, he is either helping me, or he is taking care of my daughter and the baby we have together, and my son. We share the responsibilities around the house, he works full time, and i work part time outside the home. But he is wonderful. I know it has EVERYTHING to do with upbringing. And if the men would help their women out more....they may just find that they get more sex.:) Then again there are some VERY unappreciative people out there...both men and women. Shoot, i make sure my man is taken care of because he takes such good care of me. What we don't do, ladies, another woman will. Same goes for you men though, what you all don't do, another man will.

Answer 3

Well it sounds like you are with a selfish man and there is no argument there. Most men I know aren't happy with their wife because the men I know work 8-12 hours a day and come home and get nagged and complained to. Alot of guys say to me if it weren't for the kids they would leave. I'll tell you what I do, I fix things around the house, I do dishes at least 3 days a week, I vacuum, mow the lawn, take out trash, clean the bathroom, I don't expect my wife to cook for me so most of the time I fix my own dinner, I grocery shop, fix her car, give her at the very least 1 back rub a week after I get home from work. I know other men who do some of the same things I do and you know what we get? We get complained to, we rarely get sex (But if I got sex on a regular basis I would not mind most of the complaints). Women want it all too.
1. They want to get married
2. They want kids
3. They want a house
Once these things have been accomplished, you only need him to provide for the family and be a father. Sex gets put on the back burner, and everything else will come before it until it's the last thing on your mind.
Bottom line: Alot of marriages are unfair to both men and women, not just women.

Answer 4

I think it all starts from the mother! For some reason mums dont seem to let go of there little boys, and they treat them like this until the day they leave home. My husband did'nt have to do anything when he lived at home his parents espcially him mum did everything. I told him for years that when we get our house we are going to be equal as i work full time to so dont expect to get everything done for you and if you expect that then i'll quit my job and he will have to pay for everything! When i lived at home i had to cook 1-2 a week and do ironing and pay board but my brother who is now 19 still has my parents running around for him and never has to lift a finger at home. I keep telling my parents that your gonna make his girlfriends life a misery when they move in together as he will just expect everything to me done for him. I really beleive that parents should make both of the children whatever sex do some housework and cooking to get them trained for later on in life. Luckily my husband is pretty good, he does slip into lazy habits sometimes but i just remind him im his lover not his mother and i wont run around after him all the time, also he hates me nagging so i think he does housework for an easy life! Try talking to your husband when your calm about how you feel, and ask him why he expects you to do these things for him. Talking things through can be the best thing sometimes - go out for a quite drink just the 2 of you with no kids around and let him see you as an individual and not just a mum and a housewife, You never know it might help. Good luck

Answer 5

"8 measly hours of work" Hmmmmmmmmmm. If I said that to my sig. other he would just smile and say want to swap. His 8 see 12 "measly" hours are high pressure go to woe. I work about 20 hours a week outside and probably 30-35 hours at home (housework). I think I get it easy, I am my own boss at home, I can do what I want, no deadlines and my 50 odd hours all up would only equal about 10 of his on the stress limiter. So I cook ,clean, do the laundry and mow sometimes so he can relax when he comes home. Yes, picture June Cleaver (less pearls) or probably Edith Bunker and you get the picture.

Answer 6

I think we are influenced by how we are brought up, what we see from our parents, etc. We take from that and then establish our own relationships. But at the end of the day everyone has control over their own lives. If you let someone walk all over you then they're going to keep doing it. My question is why are you "pampering" someone who only "whines and pouts"? Marriage should be about balance and taking care of each other. You share a household and a family. Each should help out because they have love and respect for their spouse and for the life they've created together. No one should be keeping score. Everyone has the power to create that balance. If your husband is unwilling, then he doesn't need a wife, he needs a mother. Tell him to grow up.

Answer 7

Ladies, You need to spend a few years with your man BEFORE marriage and Train his A**!! I am serious. I have been with my Fiancee for 5 years now and still training him. He is much better now, he will take out the Garbage without being told. He does pick up his dirty clothes. I leave him a "Honey Do" List, for things that he needs to do around the house. A healthy relationship should be 50/50 and Both doing their part. If you don't want to feel like a Slave then don't allow it.. I wish you the best..

Answer 8

Hi

Oh sweety i can understand U.I know the complain are from both sides.The solution is talk to your partner when both are cool.Do not fight because it just tamper your relationship.U better know what r the responsiblity of a man & women,but they can share with each other.We know that when kids are too young mother have more responsiblity,but it will be never same as it is.When they will grow automatically the pressure will be released.
I advise you dont get headeque ,depress & with every span of time you two gets some time to travel some good places.Life becomes cool.

Answer 9

My marriage (my 2nd, his 3rd) is just as you described.

My Hubby brags at work how spoiled he is!

My Mom still brings my Dad his meals in front of the TV and waits on him hand & foot while she worked.

Upbringing!

I also made the choice. I knew marrying an "Old Dog" meant, living with his "old tricks".

After being married now for 4 years, I'm picking my battles. I hope by the end of year 6 or 7, I'll have him putting his rinsed dishes in the dishwasher rather than leaving them where they are. Then I work on laundry!

Answer 10

My mother gave me one piece of advice when I left home, she said "Don't start doing something you can't keep up with for the rest of your life". So when I moved in with my husband, I let him know that since we were both working that we should also share in the cleaning and cooking. Now mind you, I do most of the cooking(I'm a good cook), but saturdays and sundays, i get breakfast in bed. I haven't had to wash clothes, fold or put them away since I moved in and I find my clothes fold in the drawer every week. Since I cook, my husband does the dishes and I have had to remind him about a few cleaning issues, but he has improved in all areas. He doesn't always like it when he's cleaning and I start pulling out things that he has missed, but he will clean it. He vacuums, cleans the toilets, mops floors, takes out the trash and makes up the bed. He puts our son to bed and gets him up in the morning(his compensation for working long days and not seeing him often thru the week) so I get an extra 45 minutes in bed. He irons his own shirts(I told him he should always be self-sufficient and it is a good thing for our son to see). So it isn't all of the men who are like this. But again it also has to do with the message women send their men. Let them know you aren't happy with the way things are and that you want changes. Just don't expect them to do it the way you do on the first try. It isn't possible. A little guidance and information always helps.