To Leave or?

Question

Hi
I have been married for five years and have two kids my husband and I get on Ok most of the time more as friends than lovers although I know he loves me I am not sure if I love him mainly because we never seem to be able to go out together without fighting ,and he has pushed me to the floor and thrown drinks over me when he is drunk and gets jealous ,I am not sure if this will escalate or if I should leave before it does as when he is not drunk he is a very loving and sweet guy

Answer 1

you should go to counseling for couples and individually to get things straight if that doesnt work confront him about it it is very important to talk to your spouse before making decicsions that can ruin your whole relationship

Answer 2

Although there is nothing suggesting that he is an acholholic in your ?. Drinking is definatley no excuse for pushing you and throwing drinks on you. My husband and I have been married for 8 years and we went through the same thing. It was a little opposite, we argued all the time especially when we were out drinking. But he would hit or push me when I was the one who was drinking! Then he would blame me because I was drinking. We would go out and only one of us would drink because we don't do the drinking and driving. It got really bad and as your situation goes, I know he loved me a lot. But I felt more of a friend and I did love him, but I was no longer in love. So ultimatley we split, not for good but I needed some space to sort through all the time and make a desicion with out him laying the guilt on. When we were away from each other he went and seeked counseling and started to go to church. He wanted us together so he went to seek the help, then I joined him and we ended up getting back together and falling back in love. But mostly you have to have respect for each other. Pushing and all that stuff will never get you anywhere in a relationship. There is a quote I once read that says, " A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person." I beleive ther is so much truth in that quote, when I feel like I wanna throw in the towel I think of that quote and try to find a way to fall in love again, and why I did the very first time, with him. Good luck, before you give up try to find middle ground your kids will be greatful when they are grown if they see there was much effort put in before you split. Or on the other hand that you stay married for ever. There is a reason you are together and you loved him for something so find it and remember everyone changes, some just need more guidence in those changes.

Answer 3

Sounds like your husband is an alcoholic and abusive. Right now the hitting only occurs when he drinks? When you consume alcohol usually you are freer...you have a tendency not to have any inhibitions, that is why this only happens when he drinks FOR NOW. I can assure you that if professional help is not found it WILL get worse! Seriously, do you like being thrown around and getting drinks thrown at you? I would be horrified and would have left the first time..kids or no kids! And if you have to question his love is that the kind of relationship you want or deserve?
I'm sure there is alot more of the situation that you really can't get into here (and shouldn't).
Please seek a psychologist for yourself first, AA for him and then if you decide as a couple. Nobody deserves to be treated the way he is treating you!
Good Luck!

Answer 4

Seems a sad situation. Have you actually talked to him about how unhappy his drinking makes you. I was married to a drug taking alcoholic and I have had my then 4 year old lying across me at the top of the stairs to stop her daddy kicking me down it. Don't let it get to that stage but do try to sort it out before it gets any worse. I divorced and have never regretted it. I don't think it's time for you to do that yet but you are right to keep the matter under review. When the time comes you will have sorrow but no doubt. I hope you can sort it out.

Answer 5

Sweetheart please get out now before this gets worse.
He can be the sweetest guy in the world when sober but his behaviour is still inexcusable.
He is bully and that is never acceptable. If a stranger or a friend treated you this way you would never put up with it - why should from the person who is supposed to be your best friend?
You have put yourself and your children first, you will obviously need some support, why not talk this through with friends or family? If that's not possible then there are tons of organisations that will help with advice & practical support, try these:
http://www.bullyonline.org/related/domestic.htm
http://www.womensaid.org.uk/
http://www.refuge.org.uk/
I wish you the best of luck, please remember you are worth more than this.

Answer 6

My partner of 5 years is like that and im asking myself the same question ive been beaten up with a hedge strimmer and 2 weeks ago he slapped me and i still dont really know why think its just because he was drunk we have a 3 year old son. hes like jekyll and hyde he can be really nice and then he drinks and he a different person and i feel like im living on edge because his mood can chage so quickly then we are argueing and hes throwing stuff at me or smashing something my advice is leave its really scary but im in the middle of sorting myself out somewhere to live because i just cant see it changing i keep thinking i should stay because i dont want to seperate my son from his dad but i know i cant put up with this forever.

Answer 7

Your husbands behavior will likely escalate. He needs some help with his drinking and anger issues.
Give him an ultimatum. Either he quit drinking and get some anger management classes or you leave. Then follow through. Remember, your children are learning how marriage is supposed to be. Teach them it's not about violence. Good luck.

Answer 8

Somewhere along the line your husband has slipped from recreational drinking to alcoholism. You are a nervous wreck. Your children are scared. Your husband’s addiction makes him put his drinking above his love for you and the kids. It’s time for you to face that he has a very serious problem – even if he won’t. Al-anon is an organization for partners of alcoholics that provides support and practical help. Please go to this website: http://alcoholism.about.com/od/meetala/a/alanon_nm.htm. You will find a list of places in your state where there are al-anon meetings.
I wish you well.

Answer 9

You two need to talk, whilst he is sober, he has a drink problem and if its not sorted it will escalate. If you both want to make a go of it, then he should be up for the challenge of addressing his drink problem. How long before he loses it when the kids are annoying him?

Answer 10

If he was a "very loving and sweet guy" then he wouldn't "push you to the floor" and "throw drinks over you." You are so stupid. I'm sorry but you need to read out loud the question you asked... it's pathetic. You should leave.

Answer 11

Is he willing to quit drinking? Drinking is one of the most destructive things in a relationship. By him getting to that point, that tells me he is not in control of his own life and is letting life just kick him around. I can't encourage counselling enough. He needs to get to the bottom of why he drinks and gets to the point to be so rude to you and you need to get to the bottom of why you're not sure if you love him anymore. If both of you are willing to work on it, it can work out. You can re-ignite that passion that was there in the beginning, despite having two kids around that put a damper on the love life, but it takes both of you, not just one.