Should I be concerned that my husband of less than a year keeps his computer locked by password?

Question

It is a personal laptop. He does do some work on it. He is a college student studying physics. He only goes to school one day a week. The rest of the time, I think he is home. He seldom emails and never calls me. I have had in the past and still have trust issues with him because I have found out of several occassions that he has lied to me about his whereabouts, girl friends and other things of the sort. He is an immigrant, and I am our issues have gotten to the point that close friends and even my mother have told me that he obviously doesn't love me. I am concerned that he is using me for a green card. He also purchased a webcam a couple of months ago. When I try to ask him about the password, the webcam, his whereabouts, why he didn't answer when I called (which happens frequently), etc. he becomes hostile and call me a "crazy *****." I am really in love with this man, or was at one point, but now I am scared that I am crazy and I am trying to get others' points of view.

Answer 1

You are not crazy or jealous, your intuition is telling you that something isn't right. It is not normal for a healthy person to lock their personal laptop at home. I am certain that your husband is hiding something from you. It could be that he is having an affair on line or is viewing pornography...you have no way of knowing. You would not be concerned if other areas of your relationship were fine. I think you have to sit him down and tell him that you don't feel safe with him because he locks his computer and you feel like he is hiding something. Tell him you just want to know the truth so that you can have some peace. You have to take control of your relationship. If he is unwilling to unlock his computer for some legitimate reason then you must ask him to sit with you while you look at his email, Internet history and ask him to log onto IM so you can see who he chats with. If he is unwilling to do that, you can assume he is hiding something and you should get your marriage annulled immediately. You just made a mistake but sound too young to ruin the rest of your life for someone who is untrustworthy.

Answer 2

Probability is good that he has something to hide or protect. But you didn't give enough info to address other possibilities

1. you have your own computer. These days many people have laptops that go between work and home. There is work and personal privacy issue. If you have your computer, then you decide whether you might just be nosy or too concerned about his other hobbies.

2. if the computer is for common use, then you tell him you want to use it. He can put password protection on very personal stuff and so can you.

3. On the surface, everything for a married couple should be open. But everyone has something to hide, or not sharing. I am women keep some of their personal emails with their girlfriends private as well. Similarly, a wife should not open his husband mail and vice versa except for common stuff such as bills, insurance, bank statements, etc. This is basic courtesy.

4. The other half usually balks at you insisting to know everything. You may have the right but you don't have the tacts.

Answer 3

simply ask him what the password is make an excuse to use the computer if he refuses ask him why some pepole keep journals on there computer liek a diary if he says this then its ok if he has a yahoo messanger program and you know the password log onto it then click on archives under settings this will keep a record of every converstaion he has on messanger or sign into his e-mail and look around if he ha sno reason liek a journal or wot give you passwords to these items then there is a trust issue that must be discussed as there is no relationship without trust communication respect good luck

Answer 4

Do you have a real reason not to trust your husband?

My husband keeps all his computers locked by password, and it's been like this since before I met him (even thought he lived alone for all of his adult life). It would never occur to me to question his choice or make it a basis for mistrust. We don't get into each other's personal business, don't know each other's passwords; this is just how our marriage works, and I fail to see a fundamental problem with it.

If the only questionable thing about your husband is his computer password, get over it and count your blessings. If there are other issues - address them, regardless of the password.

Answer 5

Not necessarily, you were both individuals before you met and will continue to be within this relationship. And if it ever ends you will continue to be those same individuals still. Ask him about it, but don’t pry as I am sure there are things in your own life you have not really revealed.

Prying would exhibit a level of distrust, you either trust him or you don’t. If you do, then get on with your marriage but if you don’t keep at it and you’ll burst the bubble soon enough.

Answer 6

If he had it locked before you were married and it didn't bother you then, then why should it now? Have you asked him for the password? Do you have your own computer and just want on his? There are many questions to be asked before giving an informed answer.

I have a laptop that I have locked due to prying children, but my husband never asks for the password, just for me to enter it so that he can surf. I wouldn't worry that much about it unless he starts exhibiting other behaviors.

Answer 7

I some how fail to unnerstan' whut u mean by ' husband of less than......Do you think that husbands of 'more than....' will not keep their computers locked. Obviously,yer buddy husband cares about his computers and its contents.You did not mention if there r any other members in yer family who also use his computer or likely to use.It might be simple caution he is taking.You better take my advice and ask the password from yer husband telling him that you also want to use the computer in his absence.He is bound to disclose.But one thing,in case he is suspicious type like you,and u having internet at yer home,he may get suspicious.So beware but dont fret fer nothing.

Answer 8

That is kind of weird. I have had "friends/roommates" do that but with understand they want privacy. But if you are in an intimate relationship were you sharing your private thoughts.

My question would be, is he an only child? Sometimes people are looking for control.

It would all depend. I mean was this a behavior before marriage? My wife has total access to all my life, because I have nothing to hide from her.

Answer 9

Uhhh... yes! There should be no secrets between husband and wife (except surprise parties and gifts). You either have trust or you don't, and if you don't, you don't have much of a marriage. Trust is one of the basic requirements in marriage. He needs to have enough trust in you to know you won't go snooping through his email (and you shouldn't be snooping). With that said, and even though you shouldn't be looking at his email, he still needs to unlock his computer.

Answer 10

If he has any other behaviors that you find odd, yes, I would be concerned. I had an ex who was addicted to computer **** and adult chat. He also exhibited other behaviors that were odd. Do you have any children? Could he have the computer password protected because of them? Did he always have his computer password protected? If he did, this could just be a habit and nothing to be concerned about.