The man I love with all of my heart told me that he's leaving our home and wants to be on his own. Before, we were plannning on getting married and we were so in love. My child has caused so much stress in our relationship with her acting out that he feels that he needs to get away from us to get any peace.
I know that it sounds pathetic, but he is special - a one-in-a-million guy who has been nothing but wonderful and supportive in every single way. We never argue and live blissfully alone together. But when my teenager is around, she spoils everything with her moodiness and lazy attitude. We have talked to her until we are blue in the face, but nothing changes. I love her, I do, but she will not comply.
What do I do? I adore him and I can't imagine what I will do without him. I know that he loves me too, but we can't get past this problem with my daughter. How can I make him stay? What can I tell him? He knows that there's nothing that I wouldn't do to make him happy
2007-02-13 04:14:49 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There must be something I can do to convince him. He's used to being alone as he was alone for several years before I came into the picture.
I can't function because of anxiety about this. He is still sweet and kind and says that he doesn't want to hurt me, but he is trying to find a way out of our home together without leaving me in a financial bind. I cried all night last night and I have to pull it together to go to work everyday.
I am going home this evening with the hope that I can persuade him to stay with me somehow. I need him desperately.
Please don't tell me to grow up and move on, it's not that simple in this case. He's so wonderful that I can't fault him for one single thing he has ever done or said in our relationship. He's one in a million and I could never find a man to replace him - I don't want to. I know how it sounds, but I know myself well and I know that I'm not the kind of woman who can live without a man to love and do things for. Be kind please!
2007-02-13 04:22:10 · update #1
You don't make him stay. Teenagers go through a stage where they are snarky, talk back, and lazy. She is going to go through this and you need to be a good parent and concentrate on her and help her through it. Trust me, you were a pain in the butt at her age too.
Let him go and get the space he needs. A man who cannot stick around during the difficult times is not the prince you think he is. What happens when there is no child at home anymore, but things get tough? He'll take another hike sweetie. You face problems, you don't run from them.
2007-02-13 04:24:31 · answer #1 · answered by kalea_kane 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
If this man was "one in a million" the way you put it, then why is he leaving you? Why are you "in-love" with someone who doesn't want to be patient with your children? If he truly loved you then he would find the patients to put up with your daughter. He would realize that this is your child, your flesh and your blood- he would know that she is and extention of you and accept her. The mear fact that he is willing to leave you over your daughter shows you what type of man he is.
LOVE is an action. It is doing what is best for another person whether it is what you want or not. I guess he is not willing to love you by sticking by your side through thick and thin. But IF you truly love him you will have to let him go because he believes leaving is what is best.
Also, you need to realize the kind of example you are being for your daughter. There is a verse in the Bible that says: train a child up in the way he should go and he will never depart from it. You need to stop "giving your milk away for free" and be a real woman. You need to be a strong, independant woman. You shouldn't be so needy with this guy. From the way YOU described him- he doesn't sound like a keeper at all to me.
2007-02-13 04:37:45 · answer #2 · answered by ♥Humble Proclaimer♥ 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can't persuade someone by being desperate... Sorry... He is smart to get out now, being that he knows he can't tolerate your child long-term. It would be unfair of him to keep stringing you along when he knows he'd leave sooner or later. This relationship can never be what he wants it to be - because of your daughter. I would leave to; there's simply nothing much one can do - it's not like you can keep ignoring the problem forever, hoping it will go away. Well, I guess eventually it would go away (when your daughter is old enough to be on her own) - but it would be years; and your man wants to be happy NOW; he's had enough. You have to respect his choice - and respect yourself enough, please don't resort to begging; it won't achieve a thing, and will make you look and feel pathetic! You will find a new man eventually; perhaps in a few years when your daughter is grown up you will have more freedom to date. Good luck.
2007-02-13 04:36:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
He probably has enough and believes that he can get it elsewhere without all the drama. I'm sorry but it is your sole responsability to educate and control your child. It seems that she is set in boicottng your relationship because she feels that HE is getting all the attention that she so desperatly craves from you, specially during those horrible teenage years.
I don't blame your man for leaving, unfortunatly, there is no thing you can do about it, Is not his responsability to educate your daughter and maybe is more than he bargain for. If you are neglecting your daughter and make this man the center of your life, she will be jealous and try her best to spook him away.
Take your daughter to counselling and make her behave. Give her attention and love, obviouly you only have eyes for him now.
Good luck
2007-02-13 04:27:47 · answer #4 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Have a meeting with the two of them, find out what their needs are each. Then express what your needs are. If you daughter is old enough, then you should be able to explain her what your needs are. I understand what other have written, but I agree you deserve to be happy. You have weigh out the feelings of both of them. Of course, you could keep dating him, until he is ready to move in, or if he seperates from you, then that is ok, let me grow some. He is probably not use to having someone around. If he can't adjust, then I would say end the relationship, because no matter what no ones needs will be met.
2007-02-13 04:42:49 · answer #5 · answered by Jonathan R 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I hear your pain,but what about your daughter's pain?If she isn't happy you won't be either.It sounds to me that your life with this man has taken over your mind and all you can see is him.If he was all that you want him to be he would be able and interested in helping you deal with your daughter and her problems.I know some people are not emotionally equipped to handle children and that's their choice and prerogative,but when you enter into relationships where children are involved you must be prepared to put them first.You are sounding desperate to me and this man obviously doesn't love you the way you love him or this situation wouldn't be going down the way it is.No matter how much you think your life with this man is perfect,we both know that's not true for the relationship is only good when you are doing what pleases him.This behavior you are showing is probably apparent to your child and she may be reacting to your girly silliness for you never choose your lover over your child's best interest.
2007-02-13 04:34:25 · answer #6 · answered by punkin 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Oh, my God. You want to throw your daughter under the bus for a man??? He is so special, one-in-a-million...blah, blah, blah. When you had your daughter, it became your duty to do your best to raise her. Not just until Mr. Perfect came along, but until she is an adult. Teenagers acting bratty when their moms are shacking up with a guy is pretty typical. Your child is not causing stress in your relationship, your boyfriend is causing stress in your relationship with your daughter. Let the guy move out, and finish raising your daughter. When she is grown, you can do whatever you want. Think about someone besides yourself for once.
2007-02-13 04:39:44 · answer #7 · answered by Tiss 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If you thought it was going to come down to "for better or for worse", than he may not be the one for you. Perhaps suggesting counseling for the 3 of you? Is your daughters' Father still in the picture? Is this the underlying factor? It usually is 99.9% of the time. Don't believe for one second that he's the only one-in-a-million guy out there, there's a million of them out here. He's feeding off your desperation.
2007-02-13 04:29:36 · answer #8 · answered by jaypea40 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First consideration is to get help with managing your daughter. While you're doing that, allow him his 'break'. However, if you were a family in the true sense of the word, you would BOTH be dealing with the problem TOGETHER. So I guess, all of what I've just said is what I'd say to him.
Are YOU aware of what HE would do to make YOU happy?
2007-02-13 05:00:37 · answer #9 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well, i don't see how a child can be any problem to a loving man. i have 3 obnoxious kids, the elder is 14 too, yells all the time. it didn't affect my relationships with my man who is not their father. so i think your daughter is just an excuse for him to escape. if u eliminate her presence (by sending to grandparents or smth) he will find another excus. i say stick to your kid. men come and go, children stay forever. if u re a good mother
honey, please stop murdering yourself because of him. there is nothing u can do to convince him to stay - he got bored, he wants out. even if u convince him to stay he won't stay long. he made up his mind
2007-02-13 04:24:23 · answer #10 · answered by jacky 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋