im pregnant from a married man,i found out he was married but seperated 2 months into our relationship,we were both in love but when i foundout he could never divorce her due to his citizenship that she is helping him get i became jealous and naive,as a result i started almost reacting like a fatal attraction which i would never do except im 6 months pregnant n havent gotten much support from him.i do love him n dont want him to b deported but i am so mad at the sametime.i threaten to call her n tell her all the time n i know that scares him cause he could be deported but he still doesnt cleanup his act n own up to actions we both have fault in.i want him to suffer like i have ,what is the best solution to get back at him?im paying the price for my mistake ,but he isnt and i feel he should,but kinda of love him cause if i wanted to i could just tell her and she would have him deported right?
2007-02-13 04:00:29 · 23 answers · asked by lovehurts 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Walk away and worry about yourself and your new baby. Why would you continue to put yourself through torture? Revenge is just going to hurt you.
2007-02-13 04:05:23 · answer #1 · answered by mudd_grip 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Not a jerk, but a realist.
Yes, you are paying the price for your mistake but you are also wasting way too much energy on someone who clearly doesn't care. What is it exactly that you're expecting him to do? Have you considered that his wife might be as psycho as you and could harm you and your child? If you don't think he's paying for his mistake, just re-read your post and look at what he's dealing with between you, his wife and his circumstances. I'm not taking his side, I'm just saying that you're both already screwed by your actions and going after him is useless.
Revenge is never as satisfying as you think it's going to be. All it does is show how much power he and this situation has over you. If anything, I would go to court and file for child support. Start making some smart decisions about yourself and your baby; don't create any more disastrous situations for yourself.
2007-02-13 04:09:49 · answer #2 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Revenge is not a valid motive. I suggest you talk to him and set up a child-support arrangement, with the stipulation that you WILL go to the court about it if he does not agree to a fair arrangement.
If that doesn't work, go to the court. They may deport him, but he will already know that, so he'll be more willing to help if he's smart.
If he's unwilling to help, you won't get the support anyway, so his being deported is of no great consequence. Karma will have its way with him in any case.
If you feel the need to get revenge, then the fact that he will have to pay you or be deported, and that his wife will find out in either case should satisfy you.
2007-02-13 04:12:32 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well here is something to think about? How long does he have before he becomes a citizen? Wait until he becomes a citizen then hit him up for child support! The court will protect you. I'm assuming that this guy hasn't supportted you at all during this difficult time. So more then likely he won't be supporting his child either in the future. Does this make sense?
I'm sorry that this has happen to you... Just take care of yourself and your child! I know its going to be hard, but you have to put your baby first. You can raise your child without him!
Wait for the right time to get back at him... When he gets his citizenship. Welcome to america!!
Take care!
2007-02-13 04:10:49 · answer #4 · answered by gonger 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get back at him by getting on with your life. You have a child who needs you to see and feel that you are happy. Its too late for regrets from either of you, and has placed himself in a relationship he feels he deserves, otherwise why stay. There are many legal and less emotionally painful ways of remaining in a country. You are living with the consequence of your actions and to be honest so is he. He is trapped in a relationship where someone has power of his life, where making this person unhappy in any significant way means his life as he knows it ends. That can’t be much fun.
Focus of getting ready to be a mother and let life sort the rest out.
2007-02-13 04:09:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since the child is his he will have certain responsibilities associated with it. You may be able to get child support from him. To do this you will need to get lawyers involved, the baby will likely need to have a paternity test performed etc.
If you went this path there is no way he could keep the information from his wife, and would likely jeopardize his citizenship.
I don't see any way around this without his wife finding out.
2007-02-13 04:09:31 · answer #6 · answered by forestpirate 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girl...the first thing you need to do is tell his wife and the second thing is stick him with the papers...meaning that you get support (MONEY) from him for your soon to be born baby. Love has nothing to do with this...he lied and cheated on you with his own wife. So...like you said..don't be naive about the situation...WAKE UP!!! What he did was wrong and you deserve much more than that, esp. the fact your bring a baby into the picture!! Good luck...
2007-02-13 04:08:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He used you, and apparantly is using his wife as well. So if you have the means of having one worthless scoundrel deported back to his own country, I would say, go for it. Since you have nothing more to lose or gain, where he is concerned. Both he and his wife then have the problem of what to do with their lives. Hopefully she will not be pregnant as well.
PLEASE then concentrate on the love and care of your baby.
2007-02-13 04:19:39 · answer #8 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they are only married for his citizenship, why would she care if he is with you? When you marry someone only so they can get permanent residency, that is more of a business deal than a love one. So you and daddy-to-be should discuss coming clean with the women on the opposite end of the deal. Unless there is more to their relationship that I have misunderstood.
2007-02-13 04:07:40 · answer #9 · answered by Floss 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You obsessing over him is just making you miserable. The biggest revenge you can have is to move on. Do things for yourself. Prove to him that you don't need his love or approval ... but do go after that child support! What he does about his citizenship status is on him.
2007-02-13 04:20:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
revenge will get u nowhere, he will get what is coming to him for his part in hurting u, as we all are accountable to one for our actions, but to seek revenge, they say we need to dig two graves, one for them and one for ourselves, this is true. she may love him too, and it may not work out the way u think it will. if he is deported how is he going to pay child support? yes u made a mistake, and yes there are consequences, and yes he will have to pay too eventually. maybe in the form of child support to u. seeking revenge just makes us bitter and unable to move on, what he did to u was indeed wrong, but u placed trust in a man u knew was married and sometimes our plans just don't work out the way we think they will. because u are out of god's will, meaning if u decide to go one road this will happen to u, if u take another road, your experience will be quite different.
2007-02-13 04:12:10 · answer #11 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋