How do I talk my sister out of....?

Question

She is pregnant with twins. My mother was married to her father, and they had my older sister and brother. He left her and cheated on her for the woman he's with now. He does weed and when my sister was 9 months old, he left her in her crib alone for hours to go out with his friends. My mom had to leave work to go and get her because he was too drunk/high. Her father's house is filled with fleas and drugs. My sister is going to actually let her father and stepmom (a nurse who comes into work high and drunk) babysit the twins. Why would she do that when she knows that he left her and the family, and does drugs? How can I talk her out of letting her dad and his wife watch the kids? She said he can quit work to babysit them all day. I don't trust her dad taking care of the babies, he gave his own kids weed when they were 11. My mom is really mad that the kids are gonna be calling the stepmom grandma, too.

She is married, she and her husband make 100,000 dollars together a year. At her wedding reception, my sister, her dad, and her husband's family all laughed about when he left her in the crib. My brother hates his dad, but my brother in law family and my sister's dad's family are really close. My sister treats her dad better than my mom, it's like she wants approval from him. He's 50 and he goes to their parties with 26 year olds. We couldn't go to her wedding, but her father and stepmom did. She went to Las Vegas and we couldn't get off work or school. And I can't watch the babies because I'm starting college, I'm going to be an OB/GYN, but I told her I will help after school. Money is not an issue for her, it's just she wants approval. He only gives her the time in day when she was old enough to party.

Answer 1

You probably can't talk her out of it. Sounds like she believes there's nothing wrong with the solution she has. What you can do, is report the situation to family protective services, if and when, he starts watching the kids. If the entire environment is as bad as you've described, you should report the family as soon as the babies come home from the hospital. I know, your family will be upset, but someone needs to think about the welfare of those innocent babies! Best of luck!

Answer 2

I think you need to sit down with her and have a heart to heart talk. And when you talk with her make sure it with her not at her. Don't come across negative or you will not get her to listen to anything you say. But explain to her that she is putting herself in a position where she can and most likely will end up losing the kids. (babies) She IS endangering the babies by allowing them to be left with a person/people who are into drugs. Drugs being present and or used where the babies are is not good. If she can't see this then I if I were you would keep as close of an eye as I could on them. At the FIRST sign of any wrong doing I would either petition the court or make a report to family services. I know this may be very hard to do, BUT the BABIES at this point are so much more important than family who would put the babies in this position. Good Luck.

Answer 3

well she probably feels that that is her only option. if she is under 18, it might be because at that age you are very impressionable. i would sit down with her and talk to her about maybe instead having someone else watch the kids. don't say because of all the bad things her dad has done, but because so and so wants to help teach the babies this and that and they could handle the twins better. unfortunately the dad sounds like an *** and you really should get her to move out of there before she has the kids but if you put the guy down she will become defensive of her father.and you won't be able to reason with her at all.explain to her that if her kids grow up around that kind of lifestyle they will end up getting into trouble with the law and will end up out of control. try and reason with her that she should shelter her kids from the "ugliness" in the world. well unfortunately with the gramma thing, she can't help that. it sounds like there are alot of grudges that need to be buried so that the babies can be in a loving atmosphere without all the tension.if it turns to this, and this is a last straw, call social services(don't let anyone know) and explain that this guy has drugs in his house that he does use and that his daughter is expecting and living with him. unfortunately she might not be allowed to live there but that is where you and you mother need to help her,let her know that you are going to do everything you can possibly do to help. just love her and understand that she is probably very scared. imagine if you were young and you found out you were pregnant, now imagine it was twins! yeah, it's scary. good luck and i hope that the twins are well behaved for all of you.

Answer 4

If your sister chooses to leave her children in this kind of environment you should let her and the very minute she walks
out of the house to go to work you should contact the authorities
and let them know the situation....It is sad to say but it sounds like
they would be better off with children services than with a mother
that really doesn't care about them...Maybe your mom could even
get legal custody of them until your sister is ready to get help and
provide a suitable environment for her children....You may even
have enough evidence against her father to get the police involved if they do have drugs in the house...I know all this sounds
harsh but someone has to step in and do something now before
those twins become another statistic!!!!

Answer 5

She needs a huge reality check; a reminded of all the things they have put her through and then she needs to sit down and think if she really wants someone like that supervising her children. Personally I think its effin' crazy.

Perhaps your sister will come around with time or think of another child care alternative. If finances are the problem suggest to her going to the state and getting stippends for day care providers as some states will pay over half of your weekly amount due....

Answer 6

Sounds like very bad news. Have your mom talk to her about the situation (since she doesn't seem to be taking your advice). Maybe she can get other family members to help out in the babysitting and look for other babysitting options that aren't pricey (local high schoolers w/ lots of babysitting experience are usually a good option).... If she doesn't listen, talk to her husband about it; maybe he'll make a more sound decision.

Answer 7

Tell her straight up that you don't think letting her dad and his wife watch the kids is a good idea. Explain to her how he would be a terrible role model, and that you would never let him watch any of your kids. Maybe you could suggest other babysitting possibilities (you?), a daycare, or just even look around your neighborhood for good people that your sister could trust with her kids. But please do try something!!

Answer 8

Babysit for her instead of Dad, from what you wrote it sounds like she is only doing it because it is the easiest for her. Well a single Mom has a lot to deal with. And daycare is a huge burden. If she had a better alternative she would take it.

Answer 9

As much as you care for the babies....it's really her choice and ultimately, she will suffer the consequences more than anyone else should anything happen to those babies......I know you may love them....suggest alternatives, try to see if you can find someone reliable to watch the babies, or a reasonable day care....If that's not an option then....once again it's her choice....unfortunately....I hope everything works out!

Answer 10

maybe you should remained her often what her father did to her mom, and that he gave his own kids drugs and that her children could go throw that also. Tell her that if she really loves her children not to let her father ruin their life! tell her that the most important thing is that her children will grow healthy and not heaving troubles with drugs, because a lot of people have died and they are still dying from taking drugs. open her eyes. good luck!